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The Insane Initiative - Comments
CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have done very well on this. Maybe try and have Amy try and connect with someone other than Tony and Clint? All in all, you've done very well.
Again, this is rather short, but the banter is charming. You don't need to update every day. This is your story, and your story and your imagination is important. Take your time, do what you want, imagine your story and write it down with care. A little more patience can only do wonders ;)
This chapter seems to be a little short - I have still no idea what's happening. More attention to grammar, please - otherwise, I still like your gamble with the protagonist, as well as her reaction to her sorroundings.
@Elwyn
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WONDERFUL COMMENT!!!! and feedback! I will take that into my writing for the next update!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WONDERFUL COMMENT!!!! and feedback! I will take that into my writing for the next update!
It's such a shame that commenting on stories isn't much of a fashion. But you story certainly deserves to be commented.
I like your character establishment - it's rare that a character is introduced as a mental patient when the illness in question is not the focus of the stories. It took a while until you informed the reader that the protagonist is down due to depression. Everyone who has family or friends who got ill like this knows that four months away means that it was no "harmless" winter depression or passing depression, but the real thing, which you very aptly describe. Again, Kudos for your take on this, since this is a rather bold move.
Otherwise, I like the fact that there are consequences - for New York being attacked, for your character being in the wrong place at the wrong time, for her being dependent on heavy medication. Writing style seems a bit stony at times, only to get very lively again, as if you wrote this in several stages and different moods. Perhaps sketching the outline of the chapter would help?
I like your character establishment - it's rare that a character is introduced as a mental patient when the illness in question is not the focus of the stories. It took a while until you informed the reader that the protagonist is down due to depression. Everyone who has family or friends who got ill like this knows that four months away means that it was no "harmless" winter depression or passing depression, but the real thing, which you very aptly describe. Again, Kudos for your take on this, since this is a rather bold move.
Otherwise, I like the fact that there are consequences - for New York being attacked, for your character being in the wrong place at the wrong time, for her being dependent on heavy medication. Writing style seems a bit stony at times, only to get very lively again, as if you wrote this in several stages and different moods. Perhaps sketching the outline of the chapter would help?
please update this. It's so good. I love this story so much.
10/27/16