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Dark Heart - Comments

I love this story sooo much!!! Please continue!!!! So addicted!!

Lori Laufyson Lori Laufyson
2/11/14
@Elwyn

No by all means please do leave constructive criticism! I'm always open to it in an effort to make my writing much better. :) I had actually written the story in first person which is what I'm am more familiar with, but I felt that it would flow better in third. So writing it in a view I'm not quite familiar with has been a bit of a challenge, so when someone gives me suggestions, I really do appreciate them. I'm taking your advise into consideration, and will try to fix the writing as best as I can. Do feel free to give me your opinion if you catch my next chapter. Thanks! :)
Nerd_girl96 Nerd_girl96
8/10/13
Hello there. I just clicked on your fanfiction quite randomly, and I just wanted to leave a comment.

First things first: I'm afraid I'm a douchebag reviewer ;) I really try hard to leave constructive criticism, which can lead to me being a little nitpicky or preachy. I apologise in advance; I don't mean any harm and I only want to help you.

I think you have a flavour for the dramatic and your writing style seems solid and steeped in emotional undertones, which is very pleasing. It might have been better to use past tense, since the world of writing has apparently set itself on using this tense, which would make your fic look more smoothly. Furthermore, using paragraphs would make it more easy to savour your fanfiction.

Kudos however for dramatic descriptions, they are really a delight to read.
Elwyn Elwyn
8/10/13