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Blessed Are the Forgetful


Thor wants to hate whoever it is that came up with the idea. He [i]wants[/i] to hate them, and he did for a while, but now he can't.

Nobody has ever told him who thought it up first, but it is Steve who comes to present it to him, knocking at the open door of Thor's temporary rooms in the Stark tower. And that makes sense, because Steve and Thor had become rather amiable with each other, because Steve is the unofficial leader of the Avengers and the master of understanding confrontations, and mainly because there isn't a malicious bone in his body.

"Hey big guy, there's something we need to talk about," he announces softly. Thor nods absently, and Steve walks in to sit down on the edge of the bed. He faces Thor, who is sitting on the couch across from him, with compassion.

"This is about my brother, is it not?"

Steve almost looks startled. "Er, well... yeah. It is."

"You already possess him in your prisons and have dampened his magic with a collar that humiliates him. What more do you desire?" Thor asks Steve softly. Dejected.

"But Thor, that's just the thing. How long is he going to [i]stay[/i] there?" The Captain raises his hands in an action of surrender and says, "Now, I know it's a touchy subject, and that's okay. But just hear me out, and don't get mad. I'm just the messenger.

"We've got Loki captured, but it's not gonna stay like that for long. He's the smartest guy in this tower, and he's gonna find a way out. After all, the thing only [i]weakens[/i] his magic, it doesn't [i]eliminate[/i] it.

"There's been some... talk. So Bruce and Tony kinda started toying with this thing - I, I don't really know what to call it - but they did some tests, and they think that this'll work this time."

Thor doesn't look up at the other man when he growls, "What have they developed?"

"They want to... they want to repress his memories and his... well, magic. Push them into a little corner of his mind and lock them away. Now, I don't know how it works, but it's a two part process, and sounds like all that stuff will still [i]be[/i] there, he just won't know it," Steve explains. "He'll look like a human and act like a human. We'll be giving him a chance at a new life."

The words sink into Thor. All of Loki's memories, gone. His brother will never remember growing up in the golden walls of their home on Asgard, playing and wrestling the days away. He won't remember their stolen kisses and declarations of love, won't remember the love they have shared time and time again. He won't have his magic to guide him. Will he still even really be [i]Loki[/i]?

"Think about it, Thor. He might not be able to remember your childhood, but he also won't have to remember the bad stuff, too. He'll have a chance to start over and live a good life. He deserves that."

"What are you not telling me?" Thor still speaks through clenched teeth. The Captain has offered him logic that he can't deny, but he still doesn't want to believe it.

"Well, er... there are some repercussions. They aren't bad, I promise you, but we can try-"

"What are they?"

Steve sighs and reaches over to pat Thor's knee. "You won't be able to approach him, because that could force his memories out of hiding-"


"Stop, stop, stop, hold on, hear me out. However, he can see you, and he can approach you. You guys can hang out or whatever you do, just as long as he initiates it. I, I don't know why that is, but... it is," Steve spits out in one breath. Thor is normally quite friendly, but when the conversation turns to his brother, he can become the most menacing man in the room. He can easily overpower Steve, although they both know he would never do that.

"So there is still a chance that we can become...?" The Thunderer trails off with a gesture of his hand. Steve smiles and nods, relieved, and Thor states, "I have a condition of my own."


"Lock away my powers, but leave my memories. I will become a mortal once more and experience this with Loki," he states. He stares defiantly at Steve, as if daring him to disagree.

And so it has been done.

Loki is the first to go through the process. Thor tries to watch, but agents muttering things about confidentiality and a 'threat to the whole operation' usher him away.

Thor comes next, a few days later due to Fury having to go through a lot of red tape to get the okay for him. Everyone is willing to turn Loki into a mortal with no recollection of his former prowess. It is a different story with Thor, but in the end, Fury prevails.

Many people come to Thor in those few days, either attempting to change his opinion or to see how he's doing. Pepper, Natasha, and Bruce team up to re-construct their life stories, and they come to inform Thor that he will be going by the name Eric Masterson, a struggling college student majoring in architecture, although he can later change his major to anything he desires. He'll have a bank account, where he'll get a handsome monthly allowance from Stark's funds.

They tell him nothing about Loki.

And yet, Thor vows then and there that he will find some way to be joined with Loki again, no matter what the cost.


So this is how Thor ends up purchasing a cheap apartment and finds two part time jobs: one at a quaint coffee shop and another at the library. He can afford to buy himself a house with the money Tony sends him, but he doesn't want to deal with the emptiness of the rooms, and he works religiously in hopes that one day Loki will come in when he becomes integrated into society. And soon enough, he does.

Thor nearly drops the latte he's preparing for a pimpled youth when a far-too-familiar pale man with long black hair enters for the first time. He still brings with him an air of sophistication, although now he seems a bit confused. And when Thor takes his order, Loki gives him a crooked smile that breaks his heart.

"I'll have a... large mint tea?"

"A fine choice. That will be $3.57."

It becomes a usual routine. Thor works from three to six on Mondays and Wednesdays and from four to ten on weekends, and Loki comes in every day after attending his classes. Most times, someone else works taking orders and Thor makes the drinks. But he still watches the man take his usual window seat in the far corner of the coffee shop and sip his mint tea as he reads.

And it really isn't a surprise when Thor glances up from shelving books to find Loki browsing the fiction section at the library. His fingers trail over the spines of the books as he searches for what he wants. Thor focuses his full attention on his work, trying to ignore the twitch in his heart at the sight of his brother.

"Excuse me. You work here, yes?"

Thor nearly jumps out of his chilled skin at the sound of a too-familiar voice. He chokes out, "Y-yes, I do."

"Would you happen to know if you have The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde? I can't seem to find it." He asks the question with a somewhat awkward smile. And for just a moment, Thor is captivated by his radiant green eyes.

"I, I cannot say offhand, but you should check our computer systems. It will tell you if we have it, and if someone has checked it out," Thor stammers. Suddenly, he's hyper aware of everything he's doing.

"Ah, thank you. I didn't even think of that." Loki smiles again and wanders off to the row of computers.

Thor's heart doesn't stop pounding until he sees Loki walk out the door.


For once in his life, Thor busies himself with matters of the mind, because for once, his mind is so ablaze with thoughts of his younger brother that it nearly suffocates him. Working out doesn't take the ebb off, and he's forced to fill his mind with his schoolwork - after changing his major to astronomy - and busy himself with his two jobs.

Sometimes, he'll see Loki bustling across campus with an armful of books and a heavy-looking bag at his side. And he'll smile to himself; that was how he appeared on their best days in Asgard. So caught up in something he'd be reading that he'd nearly forget his lessons.

And Thor likes to watch Loki's metamorphosis.

In the months that he glances up in the coffee shop or library to take stock of how Loki is doing, he notices the silver rings glinting their way up Loki's ears. He watches Loki become more sure-footed but somehow more withdrawn. He watches him listen to a curious object (an iPod, Tony had told him. Before sending Thor off into the 'real world', he had educated him on modern technology). He watches Loki's hair grow longer and notices when tribal, black lines snake out from beneath his shirt. And he watches Loki follow his usual routine, rain or shine.

He hates that he cannot be a part of Loki's life. It keeps him up at night and distracts him every day. He had been inconsolable when Loki took his dive off the Bifrost. And when he discovered that Loki was still alive but was tormenting the earth, he had felt a similar feeling rise up inside him. Now, although he feels horrible, at least he knows that his brother is doing fine.

But, more than anything, he would like this to be a chance for the two of them to fall in love again.


The day has been a busy one. Thor is feeling the effects of midterm exams, and although he's completed them earlier in the day, everyone has come out to celebrate. More students than usual pile into the coffee shop in search of a calming drink and a chat with friends. It's open-mic night as well, and that always brings in a crowd of its own.

So Thor has no time to look up as he prepares drink after drink. And he lets out a sigh of relief as the crowd thins out to the occasional customer every now and then. He sits back to watch the people onstage spew poetry and prose and sing acoustic songs for their friends and lovers. He doesn't even notice the warm body behind him until it speaks.

"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it... I can resist everything but temptation."

The words make him jump, and he turns to see Loki, with his stark black hair and emerald eyes. He leans on the tall counter in a black t-shirt and leather jacket.

"Oscar Wilde. The book you helped me find at the library?" Loki offers the phrase, and Thor remembers quite clearly. Yet, he's so awestruck at his brother's presence that he can't find words, and Loki smiles sheepishly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I just thought I'd come say hello."

"D-don't worry about it. And hello to you, too," Thor stutters. He curses the fact that his tongue ties in knots every time Loki is around.

"I see you around here a lot, but we've never been formally introduced. I'm Michael." Loki sticks out his hand.

"Eric." And Thor takes Loki's fingers and presses them to his lips. "A pleasure to meet you."

"When is your shift over?"

Thor glances at the clock. "I've been done for about a half hour."

At that, Loki laughs - [i]really[/i] laughs - and the sound makes Thor's heart leap in his chest. When he calms down, he says, "Well, I've got a table over there, if you'd like to join me. I've not had company for as long as I can remember." He smirks at himself, as if he's made a private joke.

"I'll be there in five minutes. Would you like a drink? I'm buying."

Loki - Michael - smiles. "Mint tea, if you would."

Thor hurries to make the drinks - mint tea, Loki's usual, and a coffee with extra sugar for himself. Within minutes, he's sliding into the booth across from the brother who doesn't remember him.

"Thank you," Loki murmurs when Thor pushes the drink to him. He sips at the steaming tea and makes himself comfortable, watching the rain assault the pavement outside rather than the man across from him. He's wearing a heavy sweater, and Thor can't admire the tattoos he knows are there. "So, Eric. What do you go to school for?"

"Astronomy. You?"

"I'm double majoring in philosophy and English. You don't seem like the astronomy type," he points out. "I didn't mean to offend you, I just..." He gestures widely with his hand and shrugs.

"I think it's fascinating. Astronomy has always intrigued me." Thor practically grew up with the knowledge, and so the classes are easy for him. The only difficulties come in the form of misinformation and lack of knowledge that the humans have.

"I suppose I shouldn't judge the book by its cover. I'd have thought you were more of a physical therapy sort, going to college because you got a full-ride scholarship for football. But I seem to have misjudged you. I hope I didn't insult your intelligence." Another one of those crooked smiles dancing over Loki's lips. Another shot right to Thor's heart.

"Of course not. My... my brother actually used to tell me what a dolt I was," he laughs sheepishly, before realizing it probably isn't a good thing to mention that. It's not good to jostle Loki's memory.

"Brother," Loki muses, going back to staring out the window. "I wonder if I had a brother."

"You do not know your family?" Thor does his best to look shocked.

"It's kind of a long story. A weird one."

"We have all the time in the world, if you'd like to tell me."

He smiles at Thor again, and the blonde notices it's the most he's seen his brother smile in a long time.

"Well, I got in an accident recently. I lost my memory. I could talk and eat, but I had no idea who I was or where I came from. They told me I had a family, but they had passed away years ago in a house fire." Loki's eyes have a faraway look that break Thor's heart. He takes a sip of his tea and continues, "I don't know if I had a brother or not. Maybe I did. I don't remember him, anyhow."

"I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't know," Thor apologizes, looking down at his drink.

"Please, don't apologize. What's done is done."

They sit in silence for a few minutes, sipping on their drinks and watching the downpour. In the background, someone plays a song on guitar and sings out of key.

"It's funny, though. Some people would give so much to forget everything and start over. So I suppose I can't complain too much about that. I just wonder... I wonder if I warranted a chance to start over. In my old life," Loki shrugs. Still one for introspection. Thor is comforted by the fact that some things didn't change. "But what about you? Your brother?"

"He... he was far older than I. And my parents sent me to live with my uncle when I was young. I've not seen much of him for years," he lies as he fiddles with the cup of coffee. He knows he must look uncomfortable, because Loki gently pats his hand.

"I'm sorry."

"No worries. As you said, what's done is done."

They talk and laugh about whatever comes to mind. The two are completely absorbed in one another, sharing stories of their false childhoods and experiences in college. They don't even notice that people have begun to trickle out until their laughter echoes against the walls of the nearly-empty room.

"What time is it?" Loki asks as he stretches his legs out.

Thor glances up at the clock on the wall. "Closing time," he laughs. It's no wonder, really. Their drinks have been drained for some time, and the rain has long since stopped. They stand up somewhat awkwardly, not particularly wanting the night to end. The two of them discard their cups and walk to the door. They exit together before Loki whirls around.

"Walk with me. Please." His eyes are pleading.


"Anywhere. Everywhere. Nowhere."

Thor smiles. The response is so [i]Loki[/i], so much like the brother that he used to know, that it brings back a warm sense of nostalgia. "Okay."

And so they amble their way through the empty streets, hands jammed in the pockets of their coats and smiles on their faces. They end up in front of a building, where Loki stops Thor by grabbing his wrist.

"This is my building. I should... probably get going. Early morning and all that," Loki explains with a sheepish laugh. Thor can't help but marvel at how beautiful he is with his face flushed from the chill and eyes sparkling with contentment.

"Thank you for sharing your company with me tonight," Thor grins.

"I should be the one thanking you. I had a wonderful time." He shuffles and looks down at his boots. "I, um... well, I'll be around. If you'd like to do this again."

Thor's heart stops. "I would love to."

And then Loki grins, pecks Thor right on his smiling lips, and rushes up the steps to his apartment building.

Long after he's gone inside, Thor whispers, "Goodnight," with the feel of his brother's lips on his own. He heads back to his own apartment with hope filling his very heart and soul.


Thor makes a spectacular show of courting Loki in his new mortal form, and it is only right that he dotes on the man. He showers him with little gifts and takes him on dates to places he knows Loki will enjoy. He spends as much time with the man as he can, although he knows when it's time to take a step back and allow Loki to have some peace.

He is determined to make things right this time around. Thor knows the abundance of mistakes he made in the past, but this time, he hopes to treat Loki with the love he deserves. He's been given a chance to begin righting his wrongs, and, of course, he embraces the opportunity with vigor.

On their first real date (scheduled with a flirtatious exchange over the counter of the coffee shop), Thor takes Loki on a picnic in a secluded area of their town and reads him poetry. Loki is delighted, all foolish grins and exclamations of happiness. So delighted is he, in fact, that he insists Thor come back to his meager apartment and spend the night. Nothing transpires, and Thor wakes up on Loki's couch with a smile on his face. Thor had intended the date to last a mere few hours, but they end up wandering about the city together all weekend.

Thor begins to spend a lot of time at Loki's apartment. It makes him smile to see that his clothes have been neatly folded into the dresser and that some of his things stay in the bathroom, even when he isn't there to use them.

It also comes to Thor's attention just how different this Michael is from Loki. While, of course, many of their interests and habits are similar, Michael is more light-hearted. He reminds Thor of Loki when he was a child, full of mischievous energy and good humor. Thor supposes that it was probably the constant feelings of inferiority that made his younger brother so bitter. The fact that Loki no longer possesses those memories and is cared for so deeply most likely brought him back to a more pleasant state of mind. It's easier than Thor expects to separate the names 'Michael' and 'Loki' in his mind.

He has never seen such a beautiful sight as Loki's smile when they awake side by side. He has never heard such a beautiful sound as Loki's laughter. He has never relished a taste so much as that of Loki's lips. Thor has never been so happy. And, judging from the way Loki is always grinning, always giggling, he imagines the same of his brother.


So when it comes right down to it, Thor can't hate the person who developed the idea to suppress Loki's memories. He'd like to, because sometimes it hurts to know that the history they share spans farther back than one of them can remember. Sometimes it's hard to contain the desire to call the man before him 'brother' or to make a remark about something that would seem odd to a human. And there are days when he feels guilty for stripping away the memories Loki once possessed, despite the fact that he did so to save both his brother and the nine realms from any further destruction. Although now that remorse lays more in the fact that their whole relationship is based upon lies - necessary lies, but lies nonetheless.

It is all worth it, though, when he realizes that Loki never would have been capable of this happiness before, and Thor has given him a more fulfilling life.

No, he can't hate them. Because now he has Loki, even if the man doesn't remember his own name. And that's far more than he could ever ask for.


The original ending to this saw Loki's memories returning and Thor struggling to make the decision of what to do - suppress the memories again, or allow him to remember. I like this one better.

Loki is a bit OOC here, and I tried to explain that within the story, but I'd just like to clarify that, the way I see it, Loki wasn't always angry and upset. There was probably a time when he was too naive to realize that he was treated differently than Thor, and so without those memories, he no longer feels that way.


So sad!!! But I love it :]

foREVer7fold foREVer7fold
it was sweet and i liked it though, I'm not much of a thoki fan.
Starrlightz Starrlightz
This is just so sweet and "hit right in the feels" just doesn't do this story justice! And I think we have the same headcanon of Loki having a heart once upon a time. :)