Can't Handle This
Chapter 30
Hetalia sat on the roof, contemplating how to integrate herself fully into this wonderful group when her cell phone began to ring. She quickly answered, knowing exactly who it should be.
“Hello?”
“Hetalia!” the British voice said happily.
“Roman!” she replied, giving a sigh of relief. “I was hoping you’d call sooner.”
“I couldn’t, darling,” he said somberly. Hetalia couldn’t help but smile to herself whenever he talked. He looked and spoke exactly like Crowley from Supernatural. “Things have been pretty hectic since Fury came to get you. I’ve had to lay kind of low.”
“Are you risking anything by talking to me?”
“No,” he said, sounding almost hurt. “You think I would just call you if I knew it would put any of us in danger? Of course not. I’ve got a little while to chat. How are the Avengers?”
Hetalia shrugged. “I’m not so sure yet, but I can tell you why they needed a new spy.”
“Why’s that?”
“Natasha is dead, as we feared. I’m her replacement.”
“Did they know your actual name?”
“No,” she said calmly. “They only knew me as The Shadow. It wasn’t until after I found out about Nat’s death did I tell them.”
“Did you find Coulson? You told me that the two of you made a deal in Budapest to keep her safe.”
“He’s dead too, Roman,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes. “Coulson died before she did.”
“So who’s in charge of the Avengers?”
“Nikolai Schaefer.”
Roman paused, humming slightly through the phone. “Someone from Russia, like you?”
“No,” she responded, sounding almost irritated. “He’s German with a Russian first name.”
“What did you do when you first met him, Hetalia?”
“I hit him and told him that Germans who pretend to be from the Mother Land get slapped.”
Roman laughed loudly. “You really did that to your leading agent?”
Hetalia laughed along with him. “Yes, I did! It felt so wonderful!”
The two of them laughed through the phone together, enjoying the long lost company they used to share.
Suddenly, Roman stopped laughing. “Hetalia,” he said quietly. “I almost forgot, have you been running those tests I told you to?”
Hetalia sighed uneasily. “Yes, everyday, just like you told me to.”
“Anything change?”
Hetalia shook her head. “No, Roman. Everything is still normal.”
“So hopefully you’re still in the green. This is a very good-”
“Roman,” Hetalia interrupted, near tears again. “Why hasn’t SHIELD given me the cure yet? Why do they keep waiting?”
There was silence for a little while. “I don’t know, Hetalia,” he said shakily.
“You’re lying. You know why they haven’t, so tell me. Tell me now.”
Roman sighed, obviously trying to keep his composure. “Because the virus has to be active before they can cure it. By having the dormant cells inside you, the cure won’t do anything.”
“So I have to wait until I can kill everyone within the same breathing space as me.”
“Hetalia-”
“Roman, what if I start to show signs? What if it’s too late? I don’t want to kill these people, they’re my friends! I trust them, and they trust me!”
“You’re lying, Hetalia,” Roman said matter of factly. “You don’t trust them all, do you?”
Hetalia shifted in her seat. “There is one or two that I’m not so sure about.”
“Talk.”
Hetalia looked up at the sky and blinked away tears. “One of them is actually an Avenger. Clint Barton-”
“The archer.”
“-and the other is a civilian living here. Or, at least, she was living here.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“She just left for Bangkok.”
Roman paused. “Why?”
“She told Clint that she was in danger, and that she couldn’t tell him why. Apparently, it was a life or death thing.”
“It must be pretty serious if she can’t tell the Avengers. If anyone, they should be able to help.”
“That was my thought, but I know the truth.”
“And what would that be, my little Romanoff?”
“I think she was a double agent.”
****
Loki had not been amused by Pamplemousse’s small act of affection. After he took back his armor, he put it all under lock and key so nobody would be able to touch it.
“Loki, I don’t understand why you’re acting like this,” Bruce said. “She was just playing around.”
“This is very precious to me. I’d rather she didn’t play with it.”
“You know she didn’t mean any harm. She would’ve been careful.”
“This is all of Asgard that I have left,” Loki finally admitted. “If there is a single dent, scratch, or scuff, it will ruin my perception of my world, of my home. I don’t want to lose that place again.”
“‘Again?’ What do you mean by that?”
“It is none of your concern,” Loki said, standing up and walking to his bedroom door. “I do not wish to discuss it with you.”
Bruce nodded and walked out, nearly running into Toni as he did. She looked in at Loki with tears in her eyes.
“Loki?” she asked quietly. “Can I come in? I need to talk to somebody.”
****
Tony held Steve close, never wanting to leave his side. “Steve, I just don’t know what to do. There’s too much going on right now.”
“Shh, it’s okay, Tony,” Steve cooed. “I’m not going to leave your side. I promise.”
“I feel so useless.”
“Tony, do you remember what you told me right before you met your daughter?”
Tony shook his head as he buried his face into his lover’s chest.
“You told me ‘We’re Iron Man and Captain America. There’s nothing we can’t handle.’ Do you remember now? We’re strong together Tony.”
Tony shook his head again, feeling the tears starting to well up. “I was wrong, Steve. I can’t handle this.”
****
“What do you mean you can’t handle this?”
Toni looked at Loki, trying and failing to hold back her tears. “I mean I can’t! I keep having nightmares of…of him! I can’t get them to go away. I feel so lost, so…useless!”
“You’re not useless, love,” Loki said as he sat down next to her. “You’ve done so much for the team.”
“Like what?” she asked angrily through tears. “Like get the Avengers attacked? Got Nat killed? Brought in friends that burden you and attack you and attempt to murder you? Oh yeah, I can see how wonderful those services are.”
“You brought your father and the captain together. You taught Clint that not everyone is like Natasha when it comes to relationships. You’ve brought a young girl into the lives of my brother and the good doctor. You’ve shown our fearless leader someone that he can woo. You have given more to this team than you could ever imagine.”
“Then why do I feel like shit?”
She couldn’t hold it back any longer. She finally let the sobs rock her body and the tears stream down her face. “I don’t belong here anymore.”
Loki placed a calming hand on her shoulder until she finally had the courage to look at him. “You seem like you need a hug,” he said quietly. “Would it be alright if I gave one to you?”
Toni, feeling flabbergasted, nodded. The god leaned forward, tenderly holding her close and letting her cry into his shoulder.
“Thank you,” she mumbled through the wetness.
Loki simply nodded. “I know how it is to feel like you have nothing. It’s the worse feeling in the world, and I would never wish such a fate on anyone.”
Toni pulled away just enough to look at the god’s face. His longer black hair framed his pale face and brought attention to his bright eyes. He was…perfect.
Without thinking, the two of them closed the distance between each other and shared a loving, tender kiss.
“Hello?”
“Hetalia!” the British voice said happily.
“Roman!” she replied, giving a sigh of relief. “I was hoping you’d call sooner.”
“I couldn’t, darling,” he said somberly. Hetalia couldn’t help but smile to herself whenever he talked. He looked and spoke exactly like Crowley from Supernatural. “Things have been pretty hectic since Fury came to get you. I’ve had to lay kind of low.”
“Are you risking anything by talking to me?”
“No,” he said, sounding almost hurt. “You think I would just call you if I knew it would put any of us in danger? Of course not. I’ve got a little while to chat. How are the Avengers?”
Hetalia shrugged. “I’m not so sure yet, but I can tell you why they needed a new spy.”
“Why’s that?”
“Natasha is dead, as we feared. I’m her replacement.”
“Did they know your actual name?”
“No,” she said calmly. “They only knew me as The Shadow. It wasn’t until after I found out about Nat’s death did I tell them.”
“Did you find Coulson? You told me that the two of you made a deal in Budapest to keep her safe.”
“He’s dead too, Roman,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes. “Coulson died before she did.”
“So who’s in charge of the Avengers?”
“Nikolai Schaefer.”
Roman paused, humming slightly through the phone. “Someone from Russia, like you?”
“No,” she responded, sounding almost irritated. “He’s German with a Russian first name.”
“What did you do when you first met him, Hetalia?”
“I hit him and told him that Germans who pretend to be from the Mother Land get slapped.”
Roman laughed loudly. “You really did that to your leading agent?”
Hetalia laughed along with him. “Yes, I did! It felt so wonderful!”
The two of them laughed through the phone together, enjoying the long lost company they used to share.
Suddenly, Roman stopped laughing. “Hetalia,” he said quietly. “I almost forgot, have you been running those tests I told you to?”
Hetalia sighed uneasily. “Yes, everyday, just like you told me to.”
“Anything change?”
Hetalia shook her head. “No, Roman. Everything is still normal.”
“So hopefully you’re still in the green. This is a very good-”
“Roman,” Hetalia interrupted, near tears again. “Why hasn’t SHIELD given me the cure yet? Why do they keep waiting?”
There was silence for a little while. “I don’t know, Hetalia,” he said shakily.
“You’re lying. You know why they haven’t, so tell me. Tell me now.”
Roman sighed, obviously trying to keep his composure. “Because the virus has to be active before they can cure it. By having the dormant cells inside you, the cure won’t do anything.”
“So I have to wait until I can kill everyone within the same breathing space as me.”
“Hetalia-”
“Roman, what if I start to show signs? What if it’s too late? I don’t want to kill these people, they’re my friends! I trust them, and they trust me!”
“You’re lying, Hetalia,” Roman said matter of factly. “You don’t trust them all, do you?”
Hetalia shifted in her seat. “There is one or two that I’m not so sure about.”
“Talk.”
Hetalia looked up at the sky and blinked away tears. “One of them is actually an Avenger. Clint Barton-”
“The archer.”
“-and the other is a civilian living here. Or, at least, she was living here.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“She just left for Bangkok.”
Roman paused. “Why?”
“She told Clint that she was in danger, and that she couldn’t tell him why. Apparently, it was a life or death thing.”
“It must be pretty serious if she can’t tell the Avengers. If anyone, they should be able to help.”
“That was my thought, but I know the truth.”
“And what would that be, my little Romanoff?”
“I think she was a double agent.”
****
Loki had not been amused by Pamplemousse’s small act of affection. After he took back his armor, he put it all under lock and key so nobody would be able to touch it.
“Loki, I don’t understand why you’re acting like this,” Bruce said. “She was just playing around.”
“This is very precious to me. I’d rather she didn’t play with it.”
“You know she didn’t mean any harm. She would’ve been careful.”
“This is all of Asgard that I have left,” Loki finally admitted. “If there is a single dent, scratch, or scuff, it will ruin my perception of my world, of my home. I don’t want to lose that place again.”
“‘Again?’ What do you mean by that?”
“It is none of your concern,” Loki said, standing up and walking to his bedroom door. “I do not wish to discuss it with you.”
Bruce nodded and walked out, nearly running into Toni as he did. She looked in at Loki with tears in her eyes.
“Loki?” she asked quietly. “Can I come in? I need to talk to somebody.”
****
Tony held Steve close, never wanting to leave his side. “Steve, I just don’t know what to do. There’s too much going on right now.”
“Shh, it’s okay, Tony,” Steve cooed. “I’m not going to leave your side. I promise.”
“I feel so useless.”
“Tony, do you remember what you told me right before you met your daughter?”
Tony shook his head as he buried his face into his lover’s chest.
“You told me ‘We’re Iron Man and Captain America. There’s nothing we can’t handle.’ Do you remember now? We’re strong together Tony.”
Tony shook his head again, feeling the tears starting to well up. “I was wrong, Steve. I can’t handle this.”
****
“What do you mean you can’t handle this?”
Toni looked at Loki, trying and failing to hold back her tears. “I mean I can’t! I keep having nightmares of…of him! I can’t get them to go away. I feel so lost, so…useless!”
“You’re not useless, love,” Loki said as he sat down next to her. “You’ve done so much for the team.”
“Like what?” she asked angrily through tears. “Like get the Avengers attacked? Got Nat killed? Brought in friends that burden you and attack you and attempt to murder you? Oh yeah, I can see how wonderful those services are.”
“You brought your father and the captain together. You taught Clint that not everyone is like Natasha when it comes to relationships. You’ve brought a young girl into the lives of my brother and the good doctor. You’ve shown our fearless leader someone that he can woo. You have given more to this team than you could ever imagine.”
“Then why do I feel like shit?”
She couldn’t hold it back any longer. She finally let the sobs rock her body and the tears stream down her face. “I don’t belong here anymore.”
Loki placed a calming hand on her shoulder until she finally had the courage to look at him. “You seem like you need a hug,” he said quietly. “Would it be alright if I gave one to you?”
Toni, feeling flabbergasted, nodded. The god leaned forward, tenderly holding her close and letting her cry into his shoulder.
“Thank you,” she mumbled through the wetness.
Loki simply nodded. “I know how it is to feel like you have nothing. It’s the worse feeling in the world, and I would never wish such a fate on anyone.”
Toni pulled away just enough to look at the god’s face. His longer black hair framed his pale face and brought attention to his bright eyes. He was…perfect.
Without thinking, the two of them closed the distance between each other and shared a loving, tender kiss.
Chapter 28 is sad because Cj says "Let's just say I've got red in my ledger and I physically cannot wipe it out.". That's sad because Natasha says that in Avengers.
10/17/16