My Saving Grace
Part Eight
It was six fifty seven p.m. and Steve was set to arrive at seven. I sat on my plush couch, fidgeting with the hem of my yellow sundress. I had put on mascara, which I never did. I had checked and rechecked my reflection in the mirror, which I never did. Steve made me nervous and that was all there was to it.
There was a knock on the door and I quickly popped up as Jarvis informed me it was “Captain Rogers.” I made my way to the door, straightening my dress and fingering my hair one last time.
--Steve’s POV-
I checked my watch. It was six fifty four. I had already been pacing the hall outside of Amanda’s apartment for six minutes. I had raised my fist to knock multiple times but always stopped myself. I glanced at my watch again, six fifty nine. My hands were shaking and my heart was racing. As I raised my hand to knock, I was trying to figure out why this woman made me so nervous.
The door opened and she smiled at me and I grinned back at her. We just smiled at each other for a minute until I remembered the flowers in my hand.
“Oh, uh… Here. I got you these.” I said awkwardly, thrusting the bouquet at her.
“You shouldn’t have.” She admonished, smiling brightly and gesturing for me to follow her inside.
I followed her into the kitchen, where she filled a vase with water and dropped the stems inside. She placed them on the table before turning to me.
“Do you cook, Captain?” She asked, holding out a flowered apron in my direction.
“Uh. I’ve never tried, to be honest.” I shrugged.
A few minutes later, I had been wrestled into the horrid apron, much to my chagrin and we were standing at the island together preparing our meal. Amanda peeled and sliced potatoes, as I broke fresh picked green beans. Where she got her fresh veggies, I had no idea. She admitted that she had already prepared the chicken breast we would be eating before my arrival.
We talked back and forth for a while, playful banter filling the room. We lapsed into a comfortable silence as she stood at the stove and I sat at the table, my apron tossed over the back of a chair at the first opportunity.
“So how long have you been with S.H.I.E.L.D.?” I questioned curiously.
“Eight years. They hired Clint and I at the same time.” She answered, flipping the potato slices in their pan. “They pardoned our criminal records for a life time of servitude. I’ve no doubt in my mine they would have killed us, had we refused. I was only eighteen years old.”
“You have a criminal record?” I asked incredulously, and I found it hard to keep the accusatory tone from my voice.
“Had.” She corrected firmly, turning to face me with a defensive glint in her eye. “I don’t pretend to be proud of my career before S.H.I.E.L.D nor does my brother. But our parents were spies and they were killed when we were young. We did what we had to in order to survive.”
“I’m sorry.” I said lamely once she had turned back to the stove. “I wasn’t meaning to accuse you of anything.”
“It’s alright.” She sighed, smiling at me over her shoulder. “It just gets old, people misunderstanding my past and judging me for it.”
“Trust me, I understand.”
--Amanda’s POV-
We chatted over dinner and I found it surprisingly easy to open up to Steve about my past. Even after hearing the accusing tone his voice had taken earlier. But that could have had something to do with the red wine we were sipping with our dinner.
After we were done with our meal we rinsed our dishes and I placed them in the dishwasher.
We made our way to the living room and sat next to each other on the couch awkwardly. The nervousness was back. I glanced over at Steve and he was twirling his thumbs, one around the other, looking around nervously.
“Steve.” I called him out of his trance and he quickly looked over at me.
I smiled and he grinned.
“Are you nervous?”
He nodded and I smiled again.
“Me too.” I admitted.
And then his lips were upon mine. This kiss was different than the previous ones from the morning. His lips were hungry as they covered mine. Feeling brave, I nipped at his lower lip and smiled into the kiss when he groaned. It was a rather animalistic sound coming from him, and I absolutely loved it. So I did it again. He groaned again and I was surprised when he pushed me back.
My head was against the arm of the couch and Steve was hovering over me, supporting himself with his strong arms on either side of me. We were both breathless as I leant up to initiate another kiss.
But then something in his face changed, and he pushed himself up off the couch to stand in the middle of my living room. He looked lost and I was left wondering what I had done wrong.
“Steve, wha-“
“I need to go.” He said quietly, turning for the door.
Realization hit me like a tidal wave and I was angry. I stood from the couch, facing his back with my fists clenched.
“This is about her isn’t it?” I demanded. “About Peggy.” I spat, my voice shaking with anger
“I just have some things I need to sort out.” He said, and his voice broke at the end.
“Well you better hurry up and figure it the fuck out. Because I won’t wait forever!” I yelled after him as the door swung shut behind him.
It was only after it closed with a final snap that I realized I was crying again. I left my apartment just as quickly as he had, wiping my eyes as I walked down the hall to the elevator.
--Steve’s POV-
I sat on my couch, cradling my head in my hands. I felt like such a coward. I was just so scared to get close to Amanda after what had happened to me seventy years ago. It was more about me being worried about what would happen to her if I were gone than anything else.
I still didn’t know what had happened to Peggy. Had she gotten married? Had children? Had she even made it through the war? That thought stopped my heart. Was I grieving for something I might never have had in the first place? I wiped the moisture from my eyes and stood, leaving my apartment.
I couldn’t do this to Amanda, not after she had fought so hard against her past to let me in. And I couldn’t let my past stop me from living in the present any longer.
I returned to Amanda’s apartment, one floor up from mine, and knocked on the door to no avail.
“Amanda! I’m sorry!” I yelled as I pounded on the door. “Please, let me in.”
I went on in a similar fashion for at least five minutes before hanging my head. She wasn’t going to answer the door. I had just ruined everything.
There was a knock on the door and I quickly popped up as Jarvis informed me it was “Captain Rogers.” I made my way to the door, straightening my dress and fingering my hair one last time.
--Steve’s POV-
I checked my watch. It was six fifty four. I had already been pacing the hall outside of Amanda’s apartment for six minutes. I had raised my fist to knock multiple times but always stopped myself. I glanced at my watch again, six fifty nine. My hands were shaking and my heart was racing. As I raised my hand to knock, I was trying to figure out why this woman made me so nervous.
The door opened and she smiled at me and I grinned back at her. We just smiled at each other for a minute until I remembered the flowers in my hand.
“Oh, uh… Here. I got you these.” I said awkwardly, thrusting the bouquet at her.
“You shouldn’t have.” She admonished, smiling brightly and gesturing for me to follow her inside.
I followed her into the kitchen, where she filled a vase with water and dropped the stems inside. She placed them on the table before turning to me.
“Do you cook, Captain?” She asked, holding out a flowered apron in my direction.
“Uh. I’ve never tried, to be honest.” I shrugged.
A few minutes later, I had been wrestled into the horrid apron, much to my chagrin and we were standing at the island together preparing our meal. Amanda peeled and sliced potatoes, as I broke fresh picked green beans. Where she got her fresh veggies, I had no idea. She admitted that she had already prepared the chicken breast we would be eating before my arrival.
We talked back and forth for a while, playful banter filling the room. We lapsed into a comfortable silence as she stood at the stove and I sat at the table, my apron tossed over the back of a chair at the first opportunity.
“So how long have you been with S.H.I.E.L.D.?” I questioned curiously.
“Eight years. They hired Clint and I at the same time.” She answered, flipping the potato slices in their pan. “They pardoned our criminal records for a life time of servitude. I’ve no doubt in my mine they would have killed us, had we refused. I was only eighteen years old.”
“You have a criminal record?” I asked incredulously, and I found it hard to keep the accusatory tone from my voice.
“Had.” She corrected firmly, turning to face me with a defensive glint in her eye. “I don’t pretend to be proud of my career before S.H.I.E.L.D nor does my brother. But our parents were spies and they were killed when we were young. We did what we had to in order to survive.”
“I’m sorry.” I said lamely once she had turned back to the stove. “I wasn’t meaning to accuse you of anything.”
“It’s alright.” She sighed, smiling at me over her shoulder. “It just gets old, people misunderstanding my past and judging me for it.”
“Trust me, I understand.”
--Amanda’s POV-
We chatted over dinner and I found it surprisingly easy to open up to Steve about my past. Even after hearing the accusing tone his voice had taken earlier. But that could have had something to do with the red wine we were sipping with our dinner.
After we were done with our meal we rinsed our dishes and I placed them in the dishwasher.
We made our way to the living room and sat next to each other on the couch awkwardly. The nervousness was back. I glanced over at Steve and he was twirling his thumbs, one around the other, looking around nervously.
“Steve.” I called him out of his trance and he quickly looked over at me.
I smiled and he grinned.
“Are you nervous?”
He nodded and I smiled again.
“Me too.” I admitted.
And then his lips were upon mine. This kiss was different than the previous ones from the morning. His lips were hungry as they covered mine. Feeling brave, I nipped at his lower lip and smiled into the kiss when he groaned. It was a rather animalistic sound coming from him, and I absolutely loved it. So I did it again. He groaned again and I was surprised when he pushed me back.
My head was against the arm of the couch and Steve was hovering over me, supporting himself with his strong arms on either side of me. We were both breathless as I leant up to initiate another kiss.
But then something in his face changed, and he pushed himself up off the couch to stand in the middle of my living room. He looked lost and I was left wondering what I had done wrong.
“Steve, wha-“
“I need to go.” He said quietly, turning for the door.
Realization hit me like a tidal wave and I was angry. I stood from the couch, facing his back with my fists clenched.
“This is about her isn’t it?” I demanded. “About Peggy.” I spat, my voice shaking with anger
“I just have some things I need to sort out.” He said, and his voice broke at the end.
“Well you better hurry up and figure it the fuck out. Because I won’t wait forever!” I yelled after him as the door swung shut behind him.
It was only after it closed with a final snap that I realized I was crying again. I left my apartment just as quickly as he had, wiping my eyes as I walked down the hall to the elevator.
--Steve’s POV-
I sat on my couch, cradling my head in my hands. I felt like such a coward. I was just so scared to get close to Amanda after what had happened to me seventy years ago. It was more about me being worried about what would happen to her if I were gone than anything else.
I still didn’t know what had happened to Peggy. Had she gotten married? Had children? Had she even made it through the war? That thought stopped my heart. Was I grieving for something I might never have had in the first place? I wiped the moisture from my eyes and stood, leaving my apartment.
I couldn’t do this to Amanda, not after she had fought so hard against her past to let me in. And I couldn’t let my past stop me from living in the present any longer.
I returned to Amanda’s apartment, one floor up from mine, and knocked on the door to no avail.
“Amanda! I’m sorry!” I yelled as I pounded on the door. “Please, let me in.”
I went on in a similar fashion for at least five minutes before hanging my head. She wasn’t going to answer the door. I had just ruined everything.
I Absolutly loved the whole story!!
7/28/15