Choices

Chapter 40
Sif shifted her weight from one foot to the other. She picked at a broken fingernail, a mishap during her secret training. Seraphina and Sif had been meeting early at the Byfrost. Even though Cephera wasn't coming back, Seraphina hadn't stopped. Sif felt bad for Cephera, she knew how cruel Loki could be with his words and more.
Today, she wasn't worried about her training or Cephera, she was worried about facing Thor. After months of sitting on her conversation with Frigga, Sif finally had mustered the courage to chance losing the man she loved because of her deceit. It kept her up several nights and now she had to face the consequences.
She waited for Thor in the privacy of his bedchambers. He'd been out with the warriors three on some new adventure. Truthfully, Sif doubted that the stories they returned with were indeed accurate tellings of what had happened, but she wasn't one to spoil their fun. It certainly made for a great way to impress women.
He would be home soon, she hoped. She was afraid if she didn't go through with this tonight, she would lose her nerve altogether. The thought of trying to prepare herself for this moment again if she failed now, made her sick. Her nerves were gathered together within the deep well of her stomach. Knots forming in her chest and her hands were clammy to the touch.
She couldn't imagine how she would feel if he chose to forsaken her and her lies. She should have listen to Seraphina from the beginning and shut her mother out. Sif should have followed her heart, her true hopes and dreams. She was meant to be more of a woman than this. She just knew she was meant for much more than some simple housewife.
The creak of Thor's door made her jump. Thor strolled in already tugging off his tunic and discarding his armor. He stopped mid lift of his shirt. "What a lovely sight to behold on my most glorious return." He announced and swept her into a sweaty embrace. The strong scent of sweat and dirt didn't phase her. Most women would wriggling free and be grossed out by it, but not her. This was natural after coming from battle, or whatever else Thor might have been doing. Fleeing was more like it. She suppressed a smirk at the thought.
"I'm glad you're home, I was hoping to speak with you on a somewhat urgent matter." There..., she'd begun her descent into the truth. She had to do this, it was the right thing to do.
Thor stepped back from her and continued to strip. "Join me in the bath, fates knows I need one." He chuckled and led her to follow him. Sif followed, but while he undressed she simply filled the oversized stone pool. When he saw she was still clothed he gave her an odd look.
"You bathe, I'll talk." She told him. She didn't want to have to dress in hurry should he get angry and demand her out after she'd said her peace, staying dressed and dry was her best option. Thor still stared at her when he stepped in, sitting on the small lip seat below the surface of the water.
"I worry over your tone." His smile was gone, his good mood on hold.
"You should be."
"Are you unwell?" He touched the back of her hand where it lay palm down on the ledge.
"No, I'm..., unsatisfied." It was the only word she could think of. She wasn't completely unhappy, so unsatisfied was the closest she could come to how she really felt.
"With what?" He asked tilting his head. All his attention was on her. He hadn't even begun to wash himself down yet. Dirt clung to his hair and smuggled his arms and face.
"My life. I love you, never doubt that, but... I have a warriors heart Thor." She admitted.
"I thought that life was past you?" He inquired furrowing his brow.
"It never was. I feared that if I continued to choose combat that I would lose you. It was clear you didn't approve. I wanted to be the woman you envisioned at your side, not a disruptive one to drive you away."
"You faked happiness and lied about your hearts desires to impress me?" He looked so confused, he reminded her of a small animal with his big round confused eyes just staring up at her.
"I have been happy, but not fully." She hadn't smiled once since he'd walked in and even now she felt the corners of her mouth turned down. She had trouble even looking him in the eye.
"I accepted you back when you wanted to fight, yes I agree I didn't like it, but I still courted you even then. Why? Why would you feel like it made that much of a difference." He didn't sound angry, he sounded more confused than anything else.
"Because I thought that, over time, you would find a woman more suited as your long term paramour. Someone more suited to be your wife than me." Sif turned away. She couldn't face him.
"I do not know what you wish me to say. That you trust your real heart with me so little, that you would pretend and lie to me gives me great pain." Sif felt the hot tears stinging her eyes and a few fell past her cheeks. "I would like to be alone, to think," he said calmly. Sif couldn't deny him that, but it didn't help settle her unease. She stood and gave a formal bow to her prince and left the room.
(Cephera)
Cephera glared at her sister from her place on the window seat. "We could be on Earth now visiting Rome, or Egypt, instead I'm stuck here." She huffed. As she suspected, her sister refused to go to Earth and their father refused to allow Cephera to go alone.
Seraphina always found Earth dull and so Cephera visited very little.
"Get over it," Seraphina said rolling her eyes as she continued to sharpen her new daggers with their jade encrusted handles. Silence feel between them, and Cephera stared back out the window and sighed heavily to emphasize her dismay and boredom. Her sister continued to ignore her mood.
A firm knock had Seraphina calling entrance to whomever stood on the other side, they were, after all, in the elder twins room. A guard stepped in, made his usual respectful gesture and looked to Cephera. "A letter arrived for you." He stepped across the room and handed her a neatly addressed letter.
"Thank you." She replied staring at the all too familiar handwriting. The guard nodded and left.
"And he comes crawling back." Seraphina muttered. She'd been pretty good about not telling Cephera 'I told you so', but Cephera knew she was thinking it since the day Cephera returned to Mechanova with a broken heart.
Cephera ignored the comment and broke Loki's serpent seal.
'My dearest friend,
I write this letter to send my humblest apologies. I was harsh in my anger to dismiss the grave news you brought me regarding the woman I had, at the time, given my affections to. You were right, she was using me. I spoke out of anger and I now regret it.
Your constant loyalty and friendship should have been enough to merit you an open mind, but instead I treated you like scum. We have not always gotten along when we first met, but you have been a dear friend to me unlike any other, and I was wrong to have insulted you so easily. I hope that you will soon return to Asgard so that we may talk and hopefully resume our friendship once more, I miss our time together.
~Prince Loki of Asgard~'
Cephera read the letter out loud to her sister. "Serves him right. The self righteous brat," Seraphina said.
"What should I do?" Cephera asked her sister unsure how to proceed. Loki had hurt her feelings and she wasn't sure she wanted to resume their friendship so easily, in fact, she had told him she would not.
"Don't write him back and don't visit. If he really regrets his actions he'll come running here to see you himself. He should have come in person already, not hide behind a piece of paper," Seraphina said taking the letter and throwing it in the fire. Cephera watched it crackle and burn. "Truthfully, he should have sent you word months ago. I mean the bitch has been gone for four months now."
"Four months!" Cephera cried. "Hey, you didn't even tell me he ended it." Cephera was appalled that her sister had kept it from her.
"No, why bother. You're done with Loki. It'll take him some crazy apology for you to go back. What good would knowing you were right do, if he hadn't even spoken to you himself." Cephera frowned. Seraphina was right. Knowing she was right didn't make her feel any better and it didn't change her current friendship.
Four months? Did she mean so little that it took him so long to send her a measly letter. Was she no longer important enough to see in person? Cephera suddenly felt all her negative emotions bubble to the surface. She'd managed to keep them at bay, but now she felt angry all over again. She saw the last of the letter turn to ashes and then turned her back to it. Good riddance.
(Loki)
Loki hadn't heard from Cephera since he sent his letter over a month ago. He'd given her plenty of time to think about it. Perhaps she was ill? When he reached the Mechanovian palace, he could hear laughing and he knew who it belonged to. He past the guards who merely stared at him as he entered the throne room. Inside, were Seraphina, who was blindfolded and Cephera, who was playing some sort of game with her. Poking her and then darting away while her sister tried to catch her.
Cephera caught sight of Loki And while she was distracted Seraphina jumped. Because Cephera didn't move, Serpahina took her down onto her side with a loud thud and a cry. Seraphina yanked her blindfold off and looked at her sister. "What happened?" She asked, annoyed. Cephera made a head gesture and Seraphina looked over her shoulder and saw Loki. "Oh..., you," she said distastefully.
"May I speak with you in private, Cephera?" Loki asked. Seraphina looked at her sister and Loki could tell Seraphina had said something to her using their magical rings. Cephera had told him about those a long time ago. He wasn't sure what the elder twin said, but it was likely a warning. Seraphina got off her sister and helped her to stand.
"We can speak at the swing," Cephera said and walked past him with barely a hello or her traditional smile. Loki almost cringed at her coldness. He'd seen her happy, worried and irritated, but never cold or angry. He was not use to this Cephera.
He followed her out and around the palace to hike up a small hill where a single silver strung swing hung from a wide tree. Another female followed them, but Loki didn't question it. His focus was on his former friend. "My father built it for me when I was young." Cephera told Loki, her hand caressing the swings string. "I fell in love with a lot of earthly things." Cephera told him sitting down.
"Why have you not come back to Asgard? Did you not get my letter?" He asked immediately and then regretted it. The narrow gaze she set upon him sent a chill over his spine.
"I got your letter, but for something so important, you should have conveyed it in person." She replied. "Is that why you're here now? To apologize?" Loki sighed and she took a seat on the thick wood.
"I came to make sure you had not gotten ill," he said and regretted it that too. This was going how he planned. Even his own words sounded empty and stupid.
"So not to apologize. In that case, I suggest going back the way you came. I do not want to talk to you," she said turning her head from him.
"I did not say I would not apologize, I just didn't expect you to be this hateful." He admitted. Her head turned and she looked right at him, her eyes burning into his own.
"You insult my very being. You wounded my pride, shunned my friendship, spat on the fact that I am part human, made me sound unworthy for anything like I was some kind of imbecile... at what point was I supposed to not feel hurt enough to feel hate? You send me a pretty letter in hopes I'd forgive you, but yet you fail to show up here in person for something that is supposed to be so important to you. I've stuck by you, trusted you, gave you my loyalty and friendship and you turned on me for a pretty face and a good romp. Go home Loki, a halfing like me is beneath the friendship of a prince of Asgard." Loki did cringe this time. Her bitter words striking him hard and shame filled him.
Loki fell to his knees and took hold of both her hands in his. He looked up at her with a sad face. "I am not perfect, and I should not have said what I said. I let my anger and my hurt cloud my judgement. I allowed a woman of shameful deceits get between a friendship that means much more to me than even I knew. I am sorry for those things, and I realize now just how much I hurt you and I wish I could take it back. I am sorry beyond what words could convey. You are right, I should have come here instead of sending a letter, but I was a coward and afraid to face you. I feared the hateful looks you give me now and your bitter words." Loki bowed his head and placed his forehead on her hands. "I do not know what I will do with myself if I find out I have ruined our friendship forever."
Loki didn't know what expression she wore now. He had nothing else he knew to say. Nothing could take away what he'd already done and nothing he said would change how hurt she felt. He was afraid to look up. Cephera had been the only one to truly accept Loki as he was. To be his true friend without Thor being the glue that held her to him. She shared interests with him that connected them and she even understood his stony exterior around others.
Loki felt her shift and she removed her hands from his, out from under his head. Her whole body moved away from him and he couldn't help the sinking, empty feeling he felt from it. His gut dropped in a feeling he could only describe as sorrow. The empty space was almost like a taste of what his life would be like so out her.
The feeling was short lived when she joined him on her knees and embraced him. Loki was taken off-guard, but quickly recovered. He embraced her back. "You've been called silver tongue for your easy lies and clever conversations, but right now, I hear no lies. I've never seen you beg on your knees for anything. I'll come back to Asgard." He could still hear the pain in her tone.
Loki let out a deliberated sigh and stood pulling her with him to their feet. He'd take this moment as a small victory. "I will not disappoint or hurt you again, I promise," he said back to her.
"I haven't forgiven you Loki. Trust is something not earned easily and even less when it's been broken. If you are serious about me meaning so much to you, then you will have to prove it everyday." Cephera's face was brighter than before, but Loki could still see the hint of her pain. The pain he had caused... what had he done?

Notes