Choices

Chapter 86
"It's going ahead." Loki grumbled, his nose stuck in a book.
"Seriously?" Cephera frowned. It had only been a decade ago that Odin began to talk about Thor taking the throne. It didn't surprise Loki that it wasn't him. After all he was the younger son, the second in line.
"Yes," Loki's voice was pinched. He didn't think Thor deserved the throne, not yet anyway. He'd voiced his opinion several times, but only to Cephera, and possibly his mother.
"I suppose it is inevitable. I mean Thor may never change his arrogant ways." She shrugged. What could be done? The longer the years moved on, Odin seemed to grow restless. He needed his famous sleep, and in his wake he needed a king to rule.
"He'll bring Asgard to ruin. I love Thor, but because of that I do not blind myself to his faults." Cephera sighed. This was how it would be from now until the coronation.
(Past Cephera)
She hadn't known that the day Loki had complained about Thor's impending coronation that he had his plans. Everything had gone so good for so many decades. His mischief kept well in check.
The Waypoints had been created, Seraphina's son had grown into a strong fighter and had come back to Asgard with his father to learn the way of an Asgardian warrior.
Seraphina worried Cephera though. She quickly changed course and after years of being dedicated to Fandral she broke it off again. For a while Cephera had thought her sister was content. Fandral certainly seemed surprised when she told him she was finished with him.
But to his merit, he understood and didn't press her, though Cephera could see the disappointment. That had been over a hundred years before Thor's coronation. Since then Fandral had worked his way through other women, but never settling and the same went for her sister.
It was frustrating. Why was her sister so afraid to commit?
Krystoff had seemed to back off since Cephera had gotten married. There was no news of his devious plans and Cephera thought that perhaps it was over.
They'd never found out who manipulated Loki into having his children. And they never found out about the mystery ring that no one could remember but her.
Thor's relationship with his fellow warriors and Sif hadn't changed. If anything it became stronger, but Loki had drifted apart from them. Their idea of adventures were not the kinds they once were. In fact, Cephera couldn't count the times Loki tried to intervene with them going to places they probably shouldn't.
How did the voice of reason Loki, turn into conniving, killer Loki? Cephera still couldn't wrap her head around it.
The day of the coronation came and before she knew what was happening Loki had returned home from an illegal off realm trip, to Joutunheim of all places.
She had been spending the day with the queen, and was none the wiser until it was too late.
(Past Cephera)
"What were you thinking?!" She cried sternly, following him at the same fast pace. He'd only just arrived home and word had reached her ears. The queen was left upset to the news her eldest was banished, Cephera had left to confront Loki.
From the moment the Frost Giants where detected, Cephera had a sinking feeling Loki had been behind it. He'd seemed far too calm the morning of the coronation.
"I do not have time for this." Loki growled at her as he entered their bedroom with her on his heels. His words confirming what she feared. Until now, she'd hoped she was wrong.
"You'll make time. The Frost Giants Loki! What were you thinking?" She repeated.
"I do not want to talk about this." He growled and began changing his clothes.
"People got killed! And now you've come back from an illegal trip to Jotunheim, Thor has been banished and a good friend wounded!" Cephera was angry with her husband and could not fathom what he was thinking. She knew Loki was capable of extreme devious mischief, but this was a bit much. "How far will your scheme take this? Was it worth it!" Cephera was behind him as he pulled on his pants.
"You know my intentions did not span this far." He didn't look at her, but he was irritated with her constant nagging.
"Then go to your father and explain. Take your own punishments for your actions and bring Thor home." Loki spun knocking her back and snatching her by the shoulders.
"You learn your place. You are my wife. Do not question my actions nor tell me what I should do." He released her, ignoring the shocked look on her face and Cephera watched as he left her behind.
She groaned. He was in a worse mood then she thought. His words didn't really sting as much as they should. She was used to his mood swings but she wondered what truly brought them on. With Loki is wasn't always so easy to tell.
Cephera took a deep breath shaking her head at no one and left the room to find the queen and see what could be done about Thor. At this time, Loki was untameable.
(Cephera present)
It had been the last conversation she'd had with Loki. She spent the day in Odin's chambers used for his sleep, keeping Frigga company. When Loki had arrived he ignored her altogether and sat with his mother.
His refusal to even look at her, told her he felt some guilt at least.
The conversation about Odin lying to Loki had Cephera confused. At that point she hadn't known about Loki's true heritage. She stayed quiet only because she didn't feel it was the right time to push her husband anymore than she'd already had.
She'd watched him gain the throne through his mother, watched his surprised look before his expression changed to pride and determination. She should have known right there that things were going to go from bad to worse.
Instead, she'd stayed with Frigga. Even now she wondered if she had went with Loki, spoken to him softly, would he have still attacked Joutunheim? Attacked his brother?
She didn't see Loki after that. The day's events left her with nothing but questions. She'd hoped that Loki would be in a better mood when he came to bed, but he never came to bed. She'd fallen asleep trying to wait for him, and when she woke she left her room to find out where he might be.
(Past Cephera)
"Thor?" Cephera questioned, seeing the blond standing with his father. "I thought you were...," she stopped. She didn't want to sound like she'd wanted him gone. They had not spoken much, even after all these years.
"Cephera," he began a deep look of pain on his face.
"What?" She asked, a knot forming in her belly. "Where's Loki?" She asked, panic setting in as Thor's face only became deeper with sadness.
"I'm sorry. I did not mean for this." Thor told her. Seeing her confusion, Odin took over. He explained to her what had happened. The gruesome events between brothers that ended in Loki's death.
"No," she said stumbling back a step. "That's not possible. Maybe he survived. Have Heimdall look for him." She insisted, but Odin was shaking his head.
"Why did you let him fall!" Cephera accused, glaring at Thor. Her emotions where everywhere. Her body felt numb.
"Cephera, I didn't. He had a hold on the staff, I had a hold of the other end and he..., he just let go." The words stung deep. What was he thinking?
"What do you mean he just let go?" Cephera said unable to understand Thor's meaning. Loki would never leave her on purpose. There had be some mistake.
"I am sorry Cephera. I do not know what thoughts consumed him mind at the time, but he let go." Thor's face was solemn and Cephera felt her chest contract all the harder.
"And you are sure he did not survive?" She asked again, her tone stern yet shaken. It took everything she had to hold back her tears. Maybe she was dreaming.
"I do not know what is beyond the darkness but it is unlikely he is alive. Hiemdall has been unable to see him." Cephera couldn't hold it in any longer.
The tears streamed down her face as her hands clenched into fists. Thor took her into a firm embrace, forcing her to accept his comfort. Instantly she began to sob harder, staining his armor with her tears. Never had Cephera felt so empty as she did in that moment.
***
She'd gone from sobbing mess to a quiet calm. Frigga told her it was shock, but it didn't matter what it was. "He wouldn't have left me on purpose." She muttered from time to time. "Maybe his hand slipped." She'd add a little while later.
"I've seen family feuds before, but this one wins hands down." Seraphina commented. She'd rushed over after news reached her from Fandral. She might have been trying to get Cephera to smile, but if she was it didn't work.
She couldn't feel anything. There was a void left behind as vast and dark as the one her husband fell in to. Her thoughts were numb, the only ones making it to the forefront of her mind were the ones where Loki hadn't meant to leave her. That there was more to it than that.
(Seraphina)
"How is she?" Fandral asked Seraphina when she met with him in his living quarters.
"In shock," Seraphina replied. "I think it would be easier for her to accept if it had been an accident, but Thor, the idiot that he is, went ahead and told her that Loki let go. Nothing like telling a wife her husband didn't love her enough to hang on." Seraphina snorted in disgust.
"I'm sure Thor hadn't meant that." Fandral replied.
"It doesn't matter if he meant it, that's how she probably feels." With a sigh Seraphina sat down next to her son. Rorik had a blade in his hand, sharpening it.
"It's hard to believe you're sisters." He commented. "I love Aunt Cephera, but she's..., soft." He frowned. "And I never liked Loki, he was always so serious and no fun at all."
"Don't you dare say that to your Aunt. You best think of something you did like about him and do it quick. Tonight there will be a feast held in honor of the life he lived. As there is no body, the usual send off lighting ceremony will be skipped. Tonight will all be about Loki and people will share their tales." Fandral warned his son.
"I'm not insensitive father. I wouldn't say that to her." Rorik insisted. "I'll think of something. Will she be there?" Rorik asked.
"It's hard to say." Seraphina shrugged. "We all deal with grief differently. Some of us are good at hiding it, other are not. Cephera may very well break down between now and then, or during."
Seraphina thought for a second what it might be like to lose her son and her chest contracted as the vivid image made its way to her mind. She pushed the thought away and was irritated that the same feeling crept up on her when she thought of Fandral.
Silly sentiment. She would not give in to heartache. She wasn't her sister. Seraphina didn't need love. It was complicated and a hinderance when it was lost.
Being with Fandral all those years had ruined her, she was sure of it. She was irritated to realize that the empty bed beside her mirrored how she felt on the inside. This was why staying with any one person for too long was bad. You got attached, so as soon as she had the chance Seraphina moved on..., or at least that what she kept telling herself.

Notes