I look at the man in front of me. No eyepatch, no trench coat; the only familiar things about him are the ominous vibe he puts off and the feeling I get in my gut when he’s around. The feeling of fear.

“You’re suppose to be dead.” I point out, spitting the words out like venom.

“And you’re suppose to be getting information on Hydra for us.” He counters, casually leaning back in the chair.

“I haven’t worked for you in three years,” I remind him, “I’m only doing this as a psychiatrist. I never said I would dig through a broken man’s mind to dig up information that could possibly destroy him.”

“You’re like Barton, you know,” he says getting up from the chair and walking over towards me. “He couldn’t kill Natasha when I gave him the order.”

“And look, after so many years she’s one of your favorites.” I point out, “Bucky is remembering who he was before Hydra got a hold of him; let that be enough. Please? This has nothing to do with me getting feelings or anything, I’m just making another call.”

“What’s going to happen when he turns on you?” Fury asks, “what are you going to do then?”

“I’ll tell you the same thing I told Natasha,” I sigh, “I’ll take him down.”

**

“Wait, I thought you weren’t working for SHIELD anymore?” My friend, and fellow card-carrying member of the Howling Commando heritage club, Antoine Triplett asks as we head into the gun range.

“I quit three years ago,” I tell him, “when SHIELD found out about Steve trying to get Bucky’s memories back, they knew he’d come to me so they made the first move. Sent Natasha to me and I agreed to help. But what they want me to do is horrible.”

“What could be so bad?”

“They want me to get his memories back from the time he worked with Hydra,” I reply, “I can’t do that; it’ll destroy him.”

“But it’ll give us insight on how much Hydra knows.”

“Tripp, they’ve been in SHIELD for decades, they know enough.” I snap, “getting that information out of Bucky will destroy him and could be dangerous for civilians as well as us.”

“Are you sure that’s what you’re worried about?” He asks me, “because I know you Erin, I know how fast you fall for guys.”

“Why does everyone think I’m falling for him?” I scoff, “he’s my patient.”

“That never stopped you before,” Tripp quickly counters. “Look I’m just trying to look out for you. He’s a dangerous guy and you know how easy you fall for dangerous men.”

“He was dangerous,” I state, “not anymore unless I keep digging into his memories and bring back the things he’s done as Hydra’s weapon. He’s credited with over two dozen assassinations, that’ll bring back some unwanted memories.”

“Are you sure you’re not protecting him more than you’re protecting yourself?”

“If he breaks anymore and if he turns violent, I have to take him down, Tripp,” a lump forms in my throat, “I’m not like you, Ward, Hill, Romanoff; I can’t kill people. That’s one of the reasons why I never made a good agent. I don’t have the heart to take another human being’s life.”

“No, that’s what made you be a great agent,” Tripp states, “Coulson was asking about you. He wants you part of SHIELD’s rebuild. He’ll be disappointed if you don’t join us.”

“I can’t work for SHIELD again, it won’t happen.” I turn down his offer, “I can’t lie to the people I love, not again.”

“Coulson isn’t going to be like Fury, you know.”

“SHIELD will always be the same,” I put down my gun and start backing away, “no matter who is behind the helm…”

Notes

Erin

sorry that this is more of a filler than anything. and sorry for not updating, school has been crazy. this is like the first weekend in five weeks where I don't have to do a paper!

forgive me?