The next few weeks were chaotic to say the least. Day after day new alien montages erupted, sending the Avengers as far away as Tokyo to Burma. Each time, Loki tried to be diplomatic once the initial fighting had drawn out. He had been successful with some, building Midgard's list of alliances to impressive numbers. But, for every alliance he won, two enemy groups were added. At the very least he had been able to find out that each and every one had been 'sent' by Thanos, which scared Loki beyond belief. They were growing tired, eyes getting darker, they sighed when the alarm sounded and tossed and turned in the night praying that they would get a night of uninterrupted sleep. Their lives had been set aside; their sole purpose was now to be ready in seconds if they needed to be. This was no Dr. Doom, no Magneto that had an agenda and left before things got too bad. These were armies, alien ones at that, who had been lead to believe that Midgard was looking for a fight. They just wanted it to end.

---

"You can make it end." A voice spoke in the darkness. Loki jolted, turning on the spot, but he couldn't see anything. The air was damp and sticky, his cotton shirt clinging to his skin. "You know how to make it stop."
"Who's there?" Loki asked, he tried to summon light, but the buzz of magic was gone from his veins. Fuck.
"Loki, little Loki," the voice taunted, echoing all around the god "do you know how selfish you are? You watch your so-called-friends waste away fighting this battle that is not theirs. This is your fault, little Loki, this is your burden to bear, yet you force my hand on the matter."
"Thanos" Loki breathed, bile rising in his throat. Thanos was in his head again.
"Little Loki Laufeyson how selfish you've become." Thanos chortled "How easy it would be to make their suffering go away. Look upon your precious Stark; see how tired he's become. You are not worth a care, much less lives. Yet you continue to let Midgardians die for you."
"Stop it!" Loki screamed, blocking his ears, willing himself to wake up from the nightmare, willing Thanos away.
"It will stop when you accept your fate, shattered prince." Thanos chuckled "I told you, you cannot hide from me."
Loki woke with a start, cold sweat soaking his shirt. He looked down, his breath shallow and broken, watching Tony roll over in his much needed sleep. "Only a dream." He whispered to himself, but he knew it was a lie. It was no dream. Thanos had found his way back into his head.
You know how to make it stop.
Suddenly, the alarm went off. Tony leaped from the bed, eyes wide and heavy. Loki jumped off the bed after him, his armor materializing with the soft golden glow.
"Sir, Egypt seems to be under attack." Jarvis said.
Tony deflated slightly and Loki felt like crying. Tony exhaled heavily and snapped on the bracelets he had taken to setting on his dresser, because leaping from the bed in a panic and being shipped off somewhere into deadly war was a regular thing now.
Look at your precious Stark; see how deflated he's become.
"Come on, Lokster." Tony sighed, grabbing Loki's wrist "Duty calls."
How selfish you are.

---

Soon, a tired Natasha was landing them on the still-cool sands of Egypt, the sun not yet risen in the sky. The Nile bubbled beside them and for a second, everything seemed peaceful. It was short-lived.
There was a crash and an eruption of screams. The Avengers sprung into action, racing into the small village they were near. They could've sighed as they saw gargantuan lizards-things climbing up the pyramids, ripping chunks off and tossing them at the fleeing crowd.
"Hey, ugly!" Tony yelled, suit on and thrusters activated as he rocketed up to the monsters. "I enjoy architecture same as the next guy, but this is too much!" he said, blasting a few away only to realize three of them had leaped off of a neighboring structure and nearly bowled into him. The trio gave a strange yelp as Loki appeared in their path, blasting them away with a burst of green energy.
"Good morning." Tony said as they descended, shooting away reptile after reptile.
"Good morning" Loki sighed.
Selfish.

---

"They can barely function, you sorry boy." Thanos mused "They can barely move anymore. See how far you've drug them down?" Loki writhed in his sleep, in the violated darkness that had become his mind.
There's the alarm again. This time it's Uganda.

---

"They're breaking. They're ripping at the seams." Thanos ignored Loki's sobs "You're tearing them apart."
Now it's Czech.

---

"They would be so happy with you gone." Thanos mused "How long are you going to make them suffer?"
Belgium

---

"All of this would end."
Puerto Rico.

---

"Just say the word, you pitiful little prince. We'll free them of you."
Austria.

---

"They wouldn't even notice you were gone."
New York.

---

"Please!" Loki pleaded with the army before them "Look at all the lives we've lost! Listen to me! Midgard has no quarrel with you! Under what pretences do you come?"
"You know what we want, little prince." The leader said as he gave Loki a sadistic grin "We will return."
Loki watched as a wormhole tore through the sky, the alien ranks ascending in hordes, soon they were gone with only their fallen bodies to show for it. A choke escaped Loki's lips as he sunk to his knees, sobs racked his body and he did not care that he was in front of his teammates and S.H.I.E.L.D. anymore. How wrong Loki had been to think he could maintain a happy life. Never had Loki been able to live without chaos, he was god of it after all; there's no avoiding what you are.
"Loki," Tony sighed, placing an armored hand on the god's shaking shoulder "come on, we've got a meeting now."
The god only nodded as he stood and walked inside the base. The team filed in and suck into chairs around the glass table. No light was in their eyes, no smile on their lips. Spirits were broken and moral nonexistent. Fury was the only one with emotion in his eyes, but Fury's eye was always filled with anger now.
"What the hell are we going to do?" Fury fumed, slamming his fist into the table and he sat. "Why the hell do they keep coming?"
The team was silent. They all stared, eyes cold and dead, skin pale and sickly. Fury's eye scanned each member, until he got to Loki. He notices how red the god's eyes were and how puffy they'd become.
"What's wrong with you?" He asked "Loki!" he screamed when the god didn't respond.
"Yes?" was Loki's feeble reply, his voice small and wavering.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Fury asked, concern hidden behind confusion. "Do you know something?"
Such a selfish little prince.
Loki could only manage a nod, tears stinging his eyes.
"Then for fucks sake, tell us!" Fury spat, regretting it when Loki flinched and looked up with tears brimming his red-rimmed eyes.
"It's my fault." Loki said, voice shaking "All my fault."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Fury asked, eyebrows knitted together.
"Thanos…" Loki choked "my fault."
"What the fuck did you do?" Fury yelled, desperate to get the god to talk.
"I failed him!" Loki screamed back, tears falling from his eyes "He told me that if I failed to take over Midgard, there would be nowhere I could hide from him! He won't give up till he has me or he's dead and the latter doesn't sound so promising!"
"Loki," Tony asked, looking over at his god "how do you know?"
"He… he's back in my head." Loki's voice cracked
They wouldn't even notice if you left.
"For how long now?" Steve asked, standing suddenly
Loki shrugged "About a week or so after the frost giant attack."
"And you just now tell us?" Clint asked, standing as well
"What did you want me to say?" Loki barked "Hey, guys, I know you all are tired and yeah, it's all my fault, by the way, Thanos is back in my head and I can't fucking get him out."
"Well, what do we do?" Natasha asked, looking at the group.
"The only way to stop Thanos is… for me to surrender." Loki whispered after everyone fell silent. His words were immediately met with an uproar of protest. "What else do you suggest?" Loki screamed over them "Look at us! We're wasting away; our life meaning now is to fight a new war every day! We can't last much longer!"
"Loki, we're not going to allow you to give yourself to Thanos!" Thor boomed, eyes blazing
"We have no choice!"
"You're not throwing your life away!"
"I will if it means sparing all of yours!"
"Loki," Tony said, taking Loki's quivering hand in his own "we won't let you die for us."
"And I won't let you die because of me!" Loki protested "I'm done discussing this!" He barked, tears betraying his harsh tone "It is not your decision, it's mine. Now, it's my fault Midgard is being attacked and if… sacrificing myself means that I can atone for that… then… it's okay."
"No!" Tony said, gripping the god's arm "Wrong answer! Try again!"
"Loki, you are an Avenger, we're not sacrificing you!" Bruce said, his heart beat dangerously high.
"And I am extremely grateful for that!" Loki said, looking each Avenger in the eyes, loitering on Thor and Tony's. "But, we don't have a choice."
"We can kill him!" Natasha said, an unusual pitch in her voice. "We beat him back before, back on Asgard…" yeah, there it was. There was concern in her voice. Loki smiled at her, thinking back through the weeks previous they and Clint had spent in the gym sparing. She was always so stoic, so calm, but now, under Loki's own threat to give himself up, her shell had cracked.
"Tasha," Loki said, looking at her sadly "that was on Asgard. Mortals can survive on Asgard for extended periods of time, but that is usually not the case. It is difficult for me, a frost giant, to survive where Thanos dwells. There is no way any of you would survive there."
"Loki," Tony said, his voice shaking slightly "please, just wait, just a few more days, let's get some rest and try to think of something in the morning." His eyes were pleading and Loki could not find himself to argue.
"Very well, Anthony." Loki smiled sadly, kissing his forehead "We shall return home and sleep."
"Good." Tony smiled proudly. He was happy, happy that he had at least stalled Loki as they climbed into his jet and sped home. He just prayed they would find a solution in time.

---

Tony woke with a start, awakening from some nightmare he could not recall. He exhaled, running hand through his sweaty hair. "Lokster…" Tony whispered, moving to pull his god into his arms, but he was met with empty sheets. "Loki?" Tony asked, heart pounding in his chest. He pushed the blankets off the bed, hoping Loki was curled up somewhere under them, but there was no god to be found. He could hear blood pounding in his ears and his breath was getting shallow. The lights clicked on and he looked up, hoping to see Loki, but it was just Jarvis, being his usual 'helpful' self. "Jay, where is Loki?" his panic rising.
"I do not know, Sir." Jarvis answered "He woke shortly after you fell asleep, he requested that I not wake you. He said you needed sleep."
"Where the fuck did he go?" Tony screamed, never so ready to rip Jarvis right out of the walls
"I do not know, Sir." Jarvis said almost apologetically "He vanished. I can find no trace of his magical signature. He does not seem to be on earth."
Tony was breathing hard now, spot floating in his vision. He couldn't see, couldn't breathe. He felt dizzy and light-headed and wanted nothing more than to wake up from his nightmare and found himself suddenly back in bed with Loki at his side. He stumbled to the dresser and slide down, his head cracking against it. The jolt seemed to clear his head slightly, or at least enough to notice the little piece of paper now resting beside him. He made a frantic grab for it. Like if he didn't, it would disappear all together.
I'm sorry. Good bye.
Tony stared blankly at the note, he noticed that, at the end, it looked like Loki had written 'I love you' but had thought better of it and erased it. It looked, to Tony, that Loki had done that several times before deciding against it. He could've laughed at how cruel it all was. It was like Tony was a one night stand, waking to nothing but a scribbled note of apology.
"Jarvis," Tony said, his voice strained and weak, "wake the others."

Notes