Bucky, Bucky, Bucky
He fell- so deep, he-he fell….I could´ve, no should´ve helped…could I?
He fell, just fell-
I fall….
She fell, we will all fall, this whole damn world will fall…
Bucky… down, down the whole way down.
Nothing will save us anymore, how could we save us?
I´m so tired
I can´t get drunk
I couldn’t help…
Bucky, I´m so tired…



I´ll save us


I took a sharp breath- it hurt. Not my breathing- feeling Steve breathe.
I still had my eyes closed. I had not heard from him for a while, so I had searched for him- big mistake.
That’s why Stark did not come. That´s why they were all gone. They were helping Steve searching for Buckys body.
I opened my eyes. In the background a radio played soft songs- one of the soldiers brought it. Not a gramophone. But I did get flowers, well a vase with some yellow flowers in it.
I stood up; I was finally allowed to walk around now that I behaved. My feet touched the cold concrete; my hands stroked the white wall- painted concrete. Still, feeling something else besides my bed sheets felt delightful. I walked towards the steel door and laid my forehead and my hands on the door. In this position I could feel the whole building and all the people inside it. I felt them breath, think, laugh, work, walk, shout… I took a step back from the door. Stark was finally there, he was coming down the elevator. I missed him in some ways; it was quite lonely being kept in that room.
He was already in the other room, talking to the guards. Finally he knocked on the door.
“Lyis, please seat yourself on the bed so I can come in.”
I walked backwards and sat down on the sheets.
After some moments the door buzzed and Stark walked in.
“How do you feel? Do I need any guards? I heard you had mood swings once in a while”
I smiled; mood swings were a bit of an understatement.
“I´m feeling fine, you will not need them. I have not had them in over a week.”
He entered. The first thing I noticed is that he looked troubled and tired. His thoughts were now all about me and if I would truly behave, but in the elevator he had been thinking about Steve.
He took a chair and as always sat himself opposite of me. For a while we just looked at each other.
“I see.” he finally said. “You already know.”
“Yes. Of course.”
“Don´t you want to know what exactly happened.”
I crossed my legs.
“No, it does not matter how it happened. It will not change the fact that he is gone.”
Again we were setting there in silence still looking at each other.
“I forgot the gramophone, but I heard you also enjoy listening to the radio.”
“Yes, I do.” I sighed. “Stark I know what you are thinking about. I promised to answer your questions.”
He shifted in his seat and got a little device out of his pocket.
“If you don´t mind I´ll record what you´re saying.” He waited for me to nod and continued “Well my first question would be…. What are you?”
“I am a god. Well others say we are mere semi-gods but I am convinced there can be nothing mightier than us. My whole family and I are the guardians of whallala and therefore the gods of death and afterlife. We have always been there since the light exists. Before it there had not been a Walhalla as we know it for it was the time of the dark elves, of my ancestors. Until the great fight of the Asgadrians against them and their victory.
Unfortunaly they are also our ancestors. The darkbloods amongst my people are half Asgardian and half dark elf and have only mated with other darkbloods. The lightbloods are those who have mated with other Argardians and the dark elves inside them are mere shadows.
My family is the most pure darkblood family and therefore the royal family and my father Chotran is the king of Hel- the underworld.”
He looked at me with big eyes.
“That’s … eh impressing. Wow that’s quite something…” He laughed nervously. “I didn´t understand half of what you were saying. Asgardians, dark elves, walhalla … that’s norse mythology, isn´t it? I should definitly look that up.”
“Yes, a long time ago humans were aware of our existents.”
“A long time ago… how old are you?”
I laughed. “One does not ask the age of a woman, is this not a rule upon earth? I am not sure, around 320 years. Usually we can live as long as we wish, and we are adults with the age of 300. Unfortunally in order to become the new king one has to kill the old one and my family is quite obsessed in becoming the next king. So we all kill each other as soon as we become adults. It is like a disease. Some of the other people in our kingdom are of course as old as light. ”
I paused and let my eyes wander.
“Shadows of the dark elves, that’s what you said a moment ago. That thing inside you, it’s a dark elf isn’t it?”
Again I had to smile “You are clever. Yes, although not an exact copy of them. It is more the impression of their soul.”
“Do you feel something when it takes over? I mean that thing isn’t you, is it? It´s something else. Do you experience what it experiences? And your gift, controlling people and objects, reading minds, is that you doing these things or the other one?”
“I experience what it does, yes. Just as much as it experiences what I do right now. But about one thing you are wrong, it is me, I am it, we are part of each other and without the other we could not survive. And my gift is a thing we share, we can both use it. My father and I are the only ones who are able to use our gift, others can sense it deep inside them, but cannot access it.”
There was a moment of silence. Then he leaned forward and asked “Why are you here?”
This was it, the moment from which on I would have to lie to him. I stood up and walked towards the flowers. I picked one up and smelled at it while I moved through the room.
“I was banned, I…I fell in love with an Asgardian. I wanted to marry him and break the family tradition. My brother tried to help us but it all went wrong, someone betrayed us. My father and the father of that man were angry, furious when they found out. They set a condition: either we both declare to stay away from each other or we would be banned. Well apparently his loved was not as deep as mine, for he immediately agreed and turned away from me. I was angry, I screamed at him and before I could stop it I changed. My father came in my way and I raised my hand at him. He changed himself and tried to attack me, but was stopped by my brother. Suddenly the whole thing escalated and it looked like my father would die, but the Asgardians stopped it , pulled us away from each other and locked Mativ and me away. To make a long story short, a couple of days later my father agreed that we should be banned. And here I am.”
I looked at the door, the flower now crumbled in my hand and Stark looked at the wall. We stayed in these positions for a while, in silence till Stark stopped the recording-machine.
“Thank you” he said and came towards me. He struggled for a while whether or not to lay his hand on my shoulder. He did not.
“I´ll come back tomorrow. With new flowers and questions.”
I walked back to the bed, the door buzzed and closed again after he had left. I raised a hand towards my mouth and started to shake because I cried- well that was what the guards thought. In truth I laughed.
What a silly story, and what a silly man Stark was to believe it.

Notes