Lose Your Soul

"Charlie?"

Charlie blinked twice, drawing her eyes away from the menu to Barney, who was smiling gently, a trace of concern on his face. "You okay? You look a little out of it."

She smiled shakily. "I'm fine, Barney. Just tired."

"Tell me about it." He leaned back in his seat, pushing long blond hair out of his eyes and watching her. For a guy that had night shifts in a Psycho-research lab and barley got time off he looked pretty good. The circles under his eyes and the faint trace of stubble along his jaw were the only give-aways that he was tired. She, on the other had, had practically black circles under her eyes - a mixture of exhaustion, bad genetics, and where her makeup had smudged.

"So I finished off those reports on the Georgia case..." She began, but Barney cut her off.

"How about we don't talk about work, hm?" His eyes crinkled up at the corners and he pulled out a pair of glasses from his bag. "Why don't we get to know each other a little bit? For example - I have the world's shittiest eyesight. You?"

He settled the glasses on his nose, and it was like a switch had gone off in Charlie's mind - suddenly Barney looked about forty times more attractive, which wasn't fair at all on his part.

"My eyesight's pretty good." She joked, fiddling with the glass in front of her nervously. "But for the record you look totally cute with those on."

He chuckled again. "Guess I'll wear these more often then."

"Guess you'll have to."

"So tell me about yourself, Charlie. Seriously, you've been working in the same place as me for a year now, and I don't know anything about you." Barney leaned forwards, grinning. Charlie swallowed hard, keeping her eyes trained on the table between them. Perhaps this date hadn't been the best idea. What was she supposed to tell him? The truth? That she used to work for a secret Nazi Organisation, but don't worry she wasn't actually a Neo-Nazi?

"Not a lot to tell you, really." She pushed her milkshake around on the table, "I've just been interested in Psychiatry for my whole life, and this research job seemed like a good idea."

"Still seeming like a good idea?" Barney sipped his own milkshake, and she nodded, giving it a shot. She was on this date, why not act like she was.

"Well, it's not so bad. Can't think of any other job where I've been asked out to breakfast by the cute research scientist in my office." She teased, relaxing a little when he laughed.

"You're too kind, 'Charles'."



"So who the hell is this doctor?" Sam asked. It was just after six AM, and Bucky was finally curled up on the couch asleep, quiet snuffling noises coming from his mouth every few minutes. Steve was sat opposite the couch, his head in his hands.

"I don't know."

"I've been looking through the Hydra files, you know, the ones Nat leaked? And I've found six female scientists who are still alive who worked close to the Winter Soldier. When he wakes up we can show him the pictures, see if he recognises them."

Steve nodded, his eyebrows knitted together as he stared at his sleeping friend. "I thought we were fixing him. I thought he was getting better."

Sam could have sworn he heard the Soldier's voice crack when he spoke. "He is. Think about what he was like when he first came back here. We never would have gotten him back to sleep, but now... Steve, it's a matter of trust to begin with. And then you move on to the other part. That's the part that's going to be a little harder to control."

Steve nodded, clearly not entirely convinced, still staring at Bucky's sleeping form. Sam decided to leave the two of them - there wasn't much more they could do until Bucky woke up - and went back to his room to try and get some sleep.

The second he flopped onto his bed and closed his eyes he wished he hadn't. He could hear Riley's screams of terror, seconds before he realised he was about to die. He could see Riley's eyes, wide with shock. He could feel the wind against his face, and the heat baring down on him as he tried to reach his friend. And then, he could smell it.

It was something no human being should ever have to get used to. The smell of death. Once you'd smelt it, it haunted you forever. It seeped into everything, your dreams, your soaps, even the expensive aftershaves. There had been a while after Sam had arrived home where he'd been able to feel nothing but the presence of death around him.

He jerked out of his half-sleep, gritting his teeth and shaking his head violently. There was a reason he'd gone through the PTSD course. There was a reason he gave talks about moving on and packing up grief. It was supposed to be able to help him as well as the other people he talked to.

It was bullshit, Sam decided. It was bullshit that he stood up and told veterans that it would get better if you found a way to carry your grief. It was bullshit that he sat in front of Bucky day after day and told him that he'd stop dreaming of Hydra, and of torture, and of the people he'd killed. It was bullshit that every morning he lied to himself and told himself that he was fine. It was all bullshit.

A knock at the door broke him from his sombre self-absorption, and Steve poked his head into the room. "He's awake. Do you want to show him the scientists?"

"Sure thing." Sam stood up, following Steve into the front room, where Bucky was sat, his eyes unfocused on the middle distance. Sam pulled out his laptop and dropped onto the sofa beside him, pulling the first file. "Are any of these the doctor you were thinking of last night?"

He started to scroll through them.

"No, no, no, no - wait." Bucky's eyes narrowed as Sam scrolled past Charlotte King. "Her. Bring up her file."

"Charlotte King?"

Bucky nodded, studying the picture for a few moments more. "That's her. She was my pysch doctor. Saw me before every assignment and after every wiping."

"So what, she's the one who geared you up for combat?" Steve asked coldly, not bothering to keep the malice from his tone. Sam couldn't honestly blame him. If he was in Steve's position, and Riley had been in Bucky's -

He stopped himself, tuning back into the conversation just in time to hear Bucky defend the doctor. "No, no she wasn't like that. She was different. She acted differently to me than the others. Nicer. She never yelled or hit me, or -"

He trailed off, his eyes focusing on the picture once more. "How do we find her?"

"It shouldn't be too hard, if Hydra hasn't gotten to her already. I took a look at a couple of these scientists - it looks like Hydra's trying to wipe them out, one by one."

"Why?" Steve asked.

"They're trying to eliminate loose threads. She was involved with me - she could tell the press everything she knows." Bucky paused, looking momentarily confused. "I don't know why she hasn't, actually."

"Well, I know one thing for sure." Steve cracked his knuckles, frowning at Sam's laptop. "We've got to find her. and soon."

Notes