I woke up the next morning clutching my letter to Bucky. I knew that I had to tell my mother that she was right, that I was sorry. That’s what I would tell her. It would be the only way for things to calm down. But before I did that I needed to find Steve. He and Bucky were close if anyone knew how to get a hold of him it would be Steve. I took a deep breath as I made my way to my closet. I took my time picking out my dress knowing full well that I was just putting off lying to my mother. Finally I decided on a blue dress. It was simple but it was one of mom’s favorites. I examined myself in the mirror, took a deep breath, and prepared myself to face my mother.

“Mother” I said softly as I walked into the kitchen.

She turned around wiping her hands on her apron. “Yes dear” She replied her voice calm. To unknowing eye it would seem like the things from last night were passed yet I knew better.

“I wanted to apologize for my outbreak last night.” I started walking towards her “I was foolish. You were right.”

My mother smiled at me gentle and opened her arms. I walked into her embrace fighting back tears. I loved my mother. I hated lying to her like this but she just didn’t understand. My love for Bucky was true and until proved otherwise I would believe that he too loved me.

“I was going to find Johnathon and make amends with him” I said breaking the embrace. She placed a hand on my cheek and smiled once more.

“Of course dear”

---

I stood at the bottom of the stair way running my hand over the letter. I couldn’t bring myself to go up. So many things could go wrong. Steve could not know. He could know but not tell me. He could not be home. My nerves were getting the better of me. Come on Lilian I snapped at myself as I placed my foot on the first step. Taking a breath I made my way up to the front door. I knocked and waited. Soon Steve opened up the door. He was as skinny as ever.

“Lilian” He said sounding confused.

“Steve I need to …” I started to say but stopped when I noticed that he too was dressed in a military issued uniform. “Oh Steve” I cried as the meaning of that uniform sunk in. “They didn’t.” I couldn’t understand how the army could accept him. He had always been so frail, so sick. He’d never make it through any form of training let alone a war. I felt my heart breaking all over again. Steve and I had been close friends once. Yet my mother had stepped in once I became older deeming that it wasn’t proper for me to be running around with boys anymore. Yet I always remembered the way Bucky had taken care of Steve, how he always had his back.

“Don’t look so sad Lilian” Steve said in reply. “This is what I wanted. I leave for camp soon.”
I tried to smile. He was right. This was what he wanted therefor I should be happy for him.

“Then I’m glad I came before it was too late. Do you have a way to get in touch with Bucky?” I asked looking down at the letter in my hand. Steve followed my gaze and then met my eyes giving me a knowing look. I held my breath waiting for the news that my brother seemed so sure I would get. If anyone knew how Bucky felt, of his ways, it was Steve. I felt like he was taking a life time to answer. Suddenly a smile broke off across his face.

“So he finally did it” He said.

“I’m sorry?” I asked.
“Ever since we were children Lilian you have been the only girl he ever talked about. I mean sure he danced with a lot of different dames but it was always you.” He explained his eyes shining with joy. I breathed a sigh of relief feeling my heart would burst with joy.

“You have no idea how much a relief it is to hear that Steve” I laughed my voice cracking.

“Hold on I’ll right down his information.” He said stepping inside his small apartment for a brief moment. He returned and handed me a piece of paper.

“I have a favor to ask Steve” I said as I took it in my hand. “My mother disapproves. I am sure that you don’t find this shocking since my mother has always disapproved. She doesn't understand how I feel. Can I have my letters sent here in your absence?”

“Of course” he answered.

I embraced him. Tears forming in my eyes once more. These past days had made me an emotional fool. “Please be careful Steve.” I asked as I clung to him “come back. You and Bucky both.” He agreed that he wouldn't do anything foolish and after one more embrace I left.

---

My Lilian,
You silly girl. MY silly girl. Of course I want you to write me. I had hoped that Steve would find you and let you know where to find me. I must apologize for the time it has taken for me to write back to you. Mail is not as reliable here as it is in the states. I guess war does that. I have only been gone a few weeks and already I have experience things that I wish I had not. I remember playing war as a child, making believe that I was a great warrior. How foolish I was. This is not a game Lilian and I fear that when I return to you I will not be the man that you used to know. That I will no longer be the man that you hold so close to your heart. I have nightmares some nights. Only thoughts of you calms my mind. Tomorrow we move positions but I promise you that your letters will find their way to me. I do not want to worry you with anymore talk of war. The weather is dreary here. Nothing like back home but the Brits are a good bunch and I have made friends among their ranks. Please keep a watch on Steve for me. I know he can be hard to keep out of trouble but who knows maybe he will listen to you better. I must go for now. I await your next letter as patiently as I can.
Bucky

---

My Dearest Bucky,
As I write this I can't help but wonder where you are and if you are safe.I try not to pay attention to the newspapers or war clips at the pictures anymore; they only bring me misery and make being away from you harder.Just imagining someone firing a weapon at you is enough to sendi me into a panic.You may notice that my return address on the letters is that of Steve’s apartment. I must do this to avoid my mother finding out. She as I am sure you can guess does not approve of us. She doesn't understand what it is like to be young and in love. I feel as though she was never in love herself even with my father. I must hide this from Johnathon as well for he believes you to be nothing more than a rogue who sways the hearts of all the girls and then leaves them behind. I hate to admit that for a brief while I believed him that was before I talked to Steve. He put to bed any doubts that I had about your feelings for me. I am afraid that I cannot watch over Steve. For reason only known to God, he has been cleared for duty and shipped out for training the day after you left. Please do not worry about him. Only worry about staying safe so that you can return to me. Several more men from the neighborhood have been shipped out as well. I pray for them all but I am not ashamed to say my focus falls mostly on you. I am sure God will forgive me for being so selfish. I wish I could be there to help ease your mind when the nightmares come but know that you are in my heart. Please do not worry about upsetting me with the news of war. If it helps you my love then tell me all. I am stronger than you may believe.
Yours Always,
Lilian.

---

I walked down the street in a brisk pace. It had been a couple of weeks since I had heard back from Bucky it was starting to make me nervous. Even though I haven’t heard from him I continued to send him letters weekly just so he would know that I haven’t forgot about him. I turned the turner sharply and stopped suddenly. My heart fell from my chest as panic filled my eyes.

“Johnathon” I whispered.

My brother glared at me as he cover the short distance between us. How did he find out?
“I had Clara watching you Lilian.” He said as if he could read my mind, “Mother may have been fooled by your change in heart but I wasn't. At first Clara thought you were just coming to visit Steve. Which I was fine with. Rogers is so thin he couldn't be any real threat to our name. But then Clara found out that Rogers had been shipped out. So I came to investigate and found this.” He held up a letter from Bucky. I reached out for the letter but he jerked it out of my way. “Damn it Lilian! You are a bigger fool than I thought.

“Johnathon please give me the letter” I pleaded stepping towards him with my hand out stretched.

He pulled out a lighter, “You will thank me for this later.” And with that he put the letter to the flame and dropped it. I lunged forwarded to grab it to try and save what I could but he grabbed me and held me back. I watched tears streaking down my face as the only words I had heard from Bucky in weeks turned to ash. Once the letter was gone Johnathon let go. I fell to my knees on the ground burying my face into my hands.

“Mother will know” He said before he turned to walk away.

My life was over.

Notes

Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X75sVw0xH2c

So the song that I picked was Letters From Home which I have posted a link to the video above.

I have the ending for this already typed up it just getting to the ending that I am having problems. The more I move forward with this the more I feel like its taking away from what I originally wanted it to be.

Egh I dont know. Comments?