Alive but not Awake
Realisations and Doubts
Captain America: The Winter Soldier | Alive but not Awake | Realisations and Doubts
Sam, Natasha, Steve and Bucky were all confined inside one of the Shield vans; tied up and secured although Steve and Bucky's ties were a substance that they couldn't break into without a key or their shields to slice through it.
Bucky was next to Steve, he stared numbly ahead of him and Steve was no better than him. He knew Bucky was telling the truth about Ava, he would never joke or lie about something like her being. "It was her." He told everyone, his brain didn't feel like working right now but it needed to; he couldn't break down- not now. "She looked at me, and all she saw was a mission to eliminate. She didn't even recognise me except as a vengeance mission for something."
Sam looked confused, "How is that possible?" He questioned, trying to think of how some girl from 1945 was both alive and still the same age as the super soldiers last saw her. "It was like 70 years ago."
"Zola," Steve spat in disgust, finally coming around to his senses to know his own twin sister had been in the hands of the enemies again, ever since she fell out of that train because of them. "Ava and her whole unit were captured in 43, Zola experimented on her."
Bucky's eyes widen slightly in realisation, "Whatever he did, it helped her survive that fall – she was never dead like everyone thought she was." His voice was low, boarding around angry at himself for not realising sooner, "He must have found her-"
Natasha blearily blinked her eyes, she could feel herself fading and fast if this blood flow didn't stop soon, "None of this is your fault guys," She slurred, her body felt like it wanted to go to sleep but she wouldn't let it.
Steve and Bucky ignored her, "Even when we had nothing, we had Ava." Steve mused; all this time his twin was alive and who knows what she's been through in those 70 years other than being controlled.
~ 8 ~
Winter sat up on the Doctor's table that was hooked up to a machine as ordered, she had failed in her mission so now this would be her punishment – it was to be expected since when she first started out there had been a couple of mishaps in her behaviour; but as time went on she knew what the procedure was. When she failed something in her orders, she would get punished by this machine and she still didn't know what it did. Right now her metal arm was being fixed after that fiery red head threw the electricity button to stick on her arm, causing it to slightly malfunction.
Her mind had wandered ever since that scene back with Lieutenant Barnes, he had called her Ava. Who was Ava? Was she Ava? – No, she couldn't be. It was Winter; The Winter Soldier! Dr. Zola had saved her from them when she was on one of their missions, he had to amputate her arm to the metal one when it had been ripped off because of those two. Her memories were lost completely because of the extent of her injuries but – she had ignored it before but there had always been a feeling that there was a ticking time bomb inside of her, something that wanted to desperately to get out but there was another something blocking it. Was it those memories that were long gone?
Why was she looking for revenge again? What made her believe everything these people told her? Why was she having all this doubt now? She had been working for these people for over 70 years and how come was it that she had only realised now that they may not have been fully truthful about everything they had told her.
Everyone was given a name when they were born, who would call their child 'The Winter Soldier'? Who was her mother? Her father? Did she have anything from childhood and who was she? The façade 'The Winter Soldier' felt designed, powerful but lonely and aggressive. What had she become and why was she so stuck in her head about all this when it had never bothered her before?
Those eyes, the amazing brown orbs that stared into her own dark hazel one back when he stared at her. All those emotions swimming in those beautiful and caring eyes – wait, what did she just say? No, she can't think those things – it wasn't allowed, he was her mission – he needs to die! Right?
Her eyes suddenly blanked as pictures and voiced filled her mind…
Zola stood over her as he smirked wildly, "You will be out greatest weapon, Miss Avery." He pressed a small red button beside him, but still kept his hungry gaze upon her, "You will serve Hydra to the best of your abilities –"
…
"-But no matter. By the time we are finished with you, you will want to kill them with more than pure vengeance." Ava shook her head, not believing him for one seconds. Bucky and Steve would save her, they always saved each other no matter what. Why not now?
…
Ava held onto the bar of the train with the tightest grip she could manage, but she felt herself slipping slightly. One look at the handle and she knew in her gut that it was going to break in a matter of seconds.
"Ava!" Her twin brother shouted to her, "Grab on!" He threw out his hand as far as he could reach – Bucky was on his other side, making sure neither of them were about to fall off as they tried to grab her.
Ava's breath her breathe caught in her throat, the handle was about to fall off making her heart plummet in desperation and fear. With as much strength she could muster her arm reached out but as soon as she was within an inch of her brother's hand the bar broke from the train. "Ahhh!" She screamed. The vague agonized terrors of her brother and lover's voice's echoing through her mind as she descended through the zipping cold air to her death.
…
Winter looked up in a daze, seeing Zola's face above hers once again, "Put her on ice!" He ordered, with a pleased look on his terrible smirking face.
…
Ava's back leaned against Bucky's chest, the field of flowers surrounding them creating a romantic scene as they just sat there in silence, listening to the small birds flying above them and in the lively trees.
She felt Bucky's chin rest on her shoulder beside her ear, "I love you, Avery Lola Rogers." He breathes in her ear – making her giggle as a tickling sensation rounded her neck. Her head turned to him, leaning in her forehead against his so her lips were almost touching his, "I love you too, James Buchanan Barnes." She kissed him.
Bucky broke the kiss as the both returned from each other, gasping for air, "So, are you ready for the surprise?" He asked, a teasing grin plastered on his lips as he caught his breath back.
Ava brought her face away from his slightly with a confused look, "The field and food weren't the surprise?" She thought it would have been, it's been the best one today so far.
Bucky grinned, "Nope, stand up." He told her as he grabbed her hips gently and hoisted her up onto her feet making her stumble slightly. "I want to do this properly."
Ava chuckled as she balanced herself and turned to him, "Do what exactly?" She asked, suspicious at what he was going to do.
He just stayed silent and brought something out of his jacket pocket, he got down on one knee as he held both of his lovers hands with care. He looked up at her face and he saw a shocked face but her eyes were brimming with tears as she realised what was happening.
"Avery Lola Rogers," Bucky began, he looked into her eyes as he spoke – love and adoration pouring out of his own, his heart was beating fast in a nervous anticipation, "Ever since I met you, I've felt a pure connection. The first time I saw you, all I could think about was how beautiful you were, how caring and how honest everything about you was. As the years have gone past – my love for you had both grown and exceeded past anything I would've dreamed in my wildest times." He took a deep breath, "For a long time, I have always imagined being with you and only you for the rest of my life; and I wouldn't have it any other way."
Ava watched as he opened the small box he had gotten from inside his jacket; inside was a beautiful engagement ring. The sun reflected of it with a unique tint as the ball of fire started to lower in the sky.
"Ava," Bucky's voice wavered in hope as he finally got to the point, "Will you marry me?"
Warm and salty tears fell down the side of her cheeks as her head nodded in a 'Yes' gesture, her voice unable to work as her dream just came true.
…
Winter blinked as her mind came back to reality, she felt wetness from beneath her eyes. Her human hand wiped underneath them and pulled back, there were tears running down her face. What just happened? Was that a memory? But that was Barnes – the super soldier she was trained to kill. She felt her heart tear – she didn't know what was real anymore or what was true. What was happening to her?
She didn't even realise Pierce come in through the door with a dozen guys behind him, she never even noticed that her hand had shot out to the side – knocking the guy who finished her arm unconscious.
Her mind silently registered Pierce walking towards her, taking off his glasses but her head looked straight forwards into nothing. Her hand had dropped as the tears stopped flowing from that last memory that reeled through her mind. It felt so real, so … passionate and truthful; it made her wonder if that really was a true, honest to god memory that she had 'lost'.
"Mission report!" Pierce's voice intercepted her thinking space, but she ignored him – she didn't care right now besides finding the truth about who she was. Was she really 'The Winter Soldier'? Or was she 'Avery Lola Rogers'? "Mission report, now!" He ordered again but her face was as blank as a clean slate. Pierce's hand pulled back and backhanded Winter; making her blink again as her mind started to function a little.
Winter looked up, "Who am I?" She questioned, she looked around and her gaze found at least 20 different bodies in the room, "That man," She began, her mind starting to wander again, not realising that she was now talking out loud; letting everyone know what she was thinking in that head of hers, "I know him or, she knew him. Ava-" She paused, trying to find the right words, "But, who's Ava – am I Ava?" Her head shook slightly in confusion, "I've met him before – somewhere else, but I can't remember."
Pierce's jaw locked tightly, she was starting to remember the life before her memory wiping that Zola did, "You met him on another assignment – on that roof." He tried to fabricate, but there was no telling what she had seen in that dam head of hers. He took one of the wheelie stools and sat on it as he pulled himself in front of Winter; who was wearing her black mission jeans and a black bra with no shirt as her arm needed doing without the garments in the way.
Winter looked up at Pierce as if he would have all her answers to her questions, "Your work has been a gift to mankind," He began, making Winter's eyes narrow slightly at his change in topic, "You've shaped the century and I need you to do it one more time." Her head turned away, wondering what his words were meaning in a sense. "Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos and tomorrow morning we're going to give it a push; but if you don't do your part - I can't do mine." He looked at her in a begging manner, "And Hydra can't give the people the freedom it deserves."
Winter swallowed tightly, she felt desperate in trying to figure out if she was Ava or not – and whether or not these were the good guys or bad. For the first time, she felt like crying and shouting out to the world that she deserved honest answers. "Who is Ava?" She whispered to herself.
Pierce bit his lip in frustration, he knew he'd have to get rid of her as soon as the plan was complete – she had been doing this for far too long and now her memory was starting to come back in pieces which was not ideal – especially at a time like this when they were so close. He got up and gestured the wiping chair, "Lie back, you're punishment for not completing the mission – you know how it goes, Winter." He ignored her question about whether she was Ava or not and just nodded towards the chair-bed she was sitting on.
Winter seemed to hesitate to follow what he told her to do, why should she listen to him again? She was too far in her mind to realise that the Doctor's had pushed her back by themselves and the locking system had tied her arms to the table making her unable to move at all; even with her strong metal arm now back to a working condition.
The Doctor on the left pushed a teeth guard into her mouth as she struggled to get out but the mind-wiping contraption wrapped around her head. Not even a second after, it felt like her head was on fire, like it was going to explode – her screams of agony echoed throughout the room full of people as they watched her in pain and Pierce walked out of the room; confident that their plan will work tomorrow.
Sam, Natasha, Steve and Bucky were all confined inside one of the Shield vans; tied up and secured although Steve and Bucky's ties were a substance that they couldn't break into without a key or their shields to slice through it.
Bucky was next to Steve, he stared numbly ahead of him and Steve was no better than him. He knew Bucky was telling the truth about Ava, he would never joke or lie about something like her being. "It was her." He told everyone, his brain didn't feel like working right now but it needed to; he couldn't break down- not now. "She looked at me, and all she saw was a mission to eliminate. She didn't even recognise me except as a vengeance mission for something."
Sam looked confused, "How is that possible?" He questioned, trying to think of how some girl from 1945 was both alive and still the same age as the super soldiers last saw her. "It was like 70 years ago."
"Zola," Steve spat in disgust, finally coming around to his senses to know his own twin sister had been in the hands of the enemies again, ever since she fell out of that train because of them. "Ava and her whole unit were captured in 43, Zola experimented on her."
Bucky's eyes widen slightly in realisation, "Whatever he did, it helped her survive that fall – she was never dead like everyone thought she was." His voice was low, boarding around angry at himself for not realising sooner, "He must have found her-"
Natasha blearily blinked her eyes, she could feel herself fading and fast if this blood flow didn't stop soon, "None of this is your fault guys," She slurred, her body felt like it wanted to go to sleep but she wouldn't let it.
Steve and Bucky ignored her, "Even when we had nothing, we had Ava." Steve mused; all this time his twin was alive and who knows what she's been through in those 70 years other than being controlled.
~ 8 ~
Winter sat up on the Doctor's table that was hooked up to a machine as ordered, she had failed in her mission so now this would be her punishment – it was to be expected since when she first started out there had been a couple of mishaps in her behaviour; but as time went on she knew what the procedure was. When she failed something in her orders, she would get punished by this machine and she still didn't know what it did. Right now her metal arm was being fixed after that fiery red head threw the electricity button to stick on her arm, causing it to slightly malfunction.
Her mind had wandered ever since that scene back with Lieutenant Barnes, he had called her Ava. Who was Ava? Was she Ava? – No, she couldn't be. It was Winter; The Winter Soldier! Dr. Zola had saved her from them when she was on one of their missions, he had to amputate her arm to the metal one when it had been ripped off because of those two. Her memories were lost completely because of the extent of her injuries but – she had ignored it before but there had always been a feeling that there was a ticking time bomb inside of her, something that wanted to desperately to get out but there was another something blocking it. Was it those memories that were long gone?
Why was she looking for revenge again? What made her believe everything these people told her? Why was she having all this doubt now? She had been working for these people for over 70 years and how come was it that she had only realised now that they may not have been fully truthful about everything they had told her.
Everyone was given a name when they were born, who would call their child 'The Winter Soldier'? Who was her mother? Her father? Did she have anything from childhood and who was she? The façade 'The Winter Soldier' felt designed, powerful but lonely and aggressive. What had she become and why was she so stuck in her head about all this when it had never bothered her before?
Those eyes, the amazing brown orbs that stared into her own dark hazel one back when he stared at her. All those emotions swimming in those beautiful and caring eyes – wait, what did she just say? No, she can't think those things – it wasn't allowed, he was her mission – he needs to die! Right?
Her eyes suddenly blanked as pictures and voiced filled her mind…
Zola stood over her as he smirked wildly, "You will be out greatest weapon, Miss Avery." He pressed a small red button beside him, but still kept his hungry gaze upon her, "You will serve Hydra to the best of your abilities –"
…
"-But no matter. By the time we are finished with you, you will want to kill them with more than pure vengeance." Ava shook her head, not believing him for one seconds. Bucky and Steve would save her, they always saved each other no matter what. Why not now?
…
Ava held onto the bar of the train with the tightest grip she could manage, but she felt herself slipping slightly. One look at the handle and she knew in her gut that it was going to break in a matter of seconds.
"Ava!" Her twin brother shouted to her, "Grab on!" He threw out his hand as far as he could reach – Bucky was on his other side, making sure neither of them were about to fall off as they tried to grab her.
Ava's breath her breathe caught in her throat, the handle was about to fall off making her heart plummet in desperation and fear. With as much strength she could muster her arm reached out but as soon as she was within an inch of her brother's hand the bar broke from the train. "Ahhh!" She screamed. The vague agonized terrors of her brother and lover's voice's echoing through her mind as she descended through the zipping cold air to her death.
…
Winter looked up in a daze, seeing Zola's face above hers once again, "Put her on ice!" He ordered, with a pleased look on his terrible smirking face.
…
Ava's back leaned against Bucky's chest, the field of flowers surrounding them creating a romantic scene as they just sat there in silence, listening to the small birds flying above them and in the lively trees.
She felt Bucky's chin rest on her shoulder beside her ear, "I love you, Avery Lola Rogers." He breathes in her ear – making her giggle as a tickling sensation rounded her neck. Her head turned to him, leaning in her forehead against his so her lips were almost touching his, "I love you too, James Buchanan Barnes." She kissed him.
Bucky broke the kiss as the both returned from each other, gasping for air, "So, are you ready for the surprise?" He asked, a teasing grin plastered on his lips as he caught his breath back.
Ava brought her face away from his slightly with a confused look, "The field and food weren't the surprise?" She thought it would have been, it's been the best one today so far.
Bucky grinned, "Nope, stand up." He told her as he grabbed her hips gently and hoisted her up onto her feet making her stumble slightly. "I want to do this properly."
Ava chuckled as she balanced herself and turned to him, "Do what exactly?" She asked, suspicious at what he was going to do.
He just stayed silent and brought something out of his jacket pocket, he got down on one knee as he held both of his lovers hands with care. He looked up at her face and he saw a shocked face but her eyes were brimming with tears as she realised what was happening.
"Avery Lola Rogers," Bucky began, he looked into her eyes as he spoke – love and adoration pouring out of his own, his heart was beating fast in a nervous anticipation, "Ever since I met you, I've felt a pure connection. The first time I saw you, all I could think about was how beautiful you were, how caring and how honest everything about you was. As the years have gone past – my love for you had both grown and exceeded past anything I would've dreamed in my wildest times." He took a deep breath, "For a long time, I have always imagined being with you and only you for the rest of my life; and I wouldn't have it any other way."
Ava watched as he opened the small box he had gotten from inside his jacket; inside was a beautiful engagement ring. The sun reflected of it with a unique tint as the ball of fire started to lower in the sky.
"Ava," Bucky's voice wavered in hope as he finally got to the point, "Will you marry me?"
Warm and salty tears fell down the side of her cheeks as her head nodded in a 'Yes' gesture, her voice unable to work as her dream just came true.
…
Winter blinked as her mind came back to reality, she felt wetness from beneath her eyes. Her human hand wiped underneath them and pulled back, there were tears running down her face. What just happened? Was that a memory? But that was Barnes – the super soldier she was trained to kill. She felt her heart tear – she didn't know what was real anymore or what was true. What was happening to her?
She didn't even realise Pierce come in through the door with a dozen guys behind him, she never even noticed that her hand had shot out to the side – knocking the guy who finished her arm unconscious.
Her mind silently registered Pierce walking towards her, taking off his glasses but her head looked straight forwards into nothing. Her hand had dropped as the tears stopped flowing from that last memory that reeled through her mind. It felt so real, so … passionate and truthful; it made her wonder if that really was a true, honest to god memory that she had 'lost'.
"Mission report!" Pierce's voice intercepted her thinking space, but she ignored him – she didn't care right now besides finding the truth about who she was. Was she really 'The Winter Soldier'? Or was she 'Avery Lola Rogers'? "Mission report, now!" He ordered again but her face was as blank as a clean slate. Pierce's hand pulled back and backhanded Winter; making her blink again as her mind started to function a little.
Winter looked up, "Who am I?" She questioned, she looked around and her gaze found at least 20 different bodies in the room, "That man," She began, her mind starting to wander again, not realising that she was now talking out loud; letting everyone know what she was thinking in that head of hers, "I know him or, she knew him. Ava-" She paused, trying to find the right words, "But, who's Ava – am I Ava?" Her head shook slightly in confusion, "I've met him before – somewhere else, but I can't remember."
Pierce's jaw locked tightly, she was starting to remember the life before her memory wiping that Zola did, "You met him on another assignment – on that roof." He tried to fabricate, but there was no telling what she had seen in that dam head of hers. He took one of the wheelie stools and sat on it as he pulled himself in front of Winter; who was wearing her black mission jeans and a black bra with no shirt as her arm needed doing without the garments in the way.
Winter looked up at Pierce as if he would have all her answers to her questions, "Your work has been a gift to mankind," He began, making Winter's eyes narrow slightly at his change in topic, "You've shaped the century and I need you to do it one more time." Her head turned away, wondering what his words were meaning in a sense. "Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos and tomorrow morning we're going to give it a push; but if you don't do your part - I can't do mine." He looked at her in a begging manner, "And Hydra can't give the people the freedom it deserves."
Winter swallowed tightly, she felt desperate in trying to figure out if she was Ava or not – and whether or not these were the good guys or bad. For the first time, she felt like crying and shouting out to the world that she deserved honest answers. "Who is Ava?" She whispered to herself.
Pierce bit his lip in frustration, he knew he'd have to get rid of her as soon as the plan was complete – she had been doing this for far too long and now her memory was starting to come back in pieces which was not ideal – especially at a time like this when they were so close. He got up and gestured the wiping chair, "Lie back, you're punishment for not completing the mission – you know how it goes, Winter." He ignored her question about whether she was Ava or not and just nodded towards the chair-bed she was sitting on.
Winter seemed to hesitate to follow what he told her to do, why should she listen to him again? She was too far in her mind to realise that the Doctor's had pushed her back by themselves and the locking system had tied her arms to the table making her unable to move at all; even with her strong metal arm now back to a working condition.
The Doctor on the left pushed a teeth guard into her mouth as she struggled to get out but the mind-wiping contraption wrapped around her head. Not even a second after, it felt like her head was on fire, like it was going to explode – her screams of agony echoed throughout the room full of people as they watched her in pain and Pierce walked out of the room; confident that their plan will work tomorrow.
@Lokisqueen
The Sequel will be up in just under an hour - with two chapters. The prologue and chapter 1. And thank you so much.
10/7/15