CHAPTER FOUR

Sleeping was his biggest enemy. Sleeping and dreaming. The nights were fine until his body was ready to lay down, asking for a deep sleep. This night was like any other before. The dream was haunting him, making his body twitch now and then. Tears of sweat were running down his body and his breath was shaky. The dream showed him the worst days of his life - the torture, pain and brainwashing. He could feel everything. The dream made him feel every second of it. Everything was dark. He was falling deeper and deeper into the dream, until he saw something different.

It’s okay, I’m here…

There they were, the icy blue eyes looking into his one. The gentle touch on his face was back and the dream was suddenly calmer. He caught his breath and hands found the soft one on his face. A young girl was sitting opposite him. Her eyes were like from another realm. They were magical, beautiful. Her face had many scratches and wounds. The lower lip was ripped a little. When he closed his eyes for a moment, the scenario changed and she was standing opposite him, crying.

Please don’t do this…

His body acted instinctively. He raised a hand at her, hitting her as hard as he could. They told him to do it and his brain accepted the order. The girl did everything to protect herself. She was weak. Her tiny body couldn’t protect herself from a bigger, much more muscular man. They stopped him when the girl was lying on the floor barely breathing. A blood was running out of her mouth. Why did he do it?

Before he could exhale the used air, he saw himself standing above a bed where the girl was lying. For the first time, he realized the girl’s hair was blond and long. She was sleeping; the body was trying to recover from all the bruises and wounds. She probably had some bones broken.

It’s not your fault…

He heard her say. “I wouldn’t do it,” he replied softly, his tongue licking his lower lip. “They made me.” His own words were like an echo for him. They were whispering somewhere far away, making him remember what he just told the innocent girl. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember her name. The only thing he knew, they had a history together.

Before Bucky could wake from the dream, he saw one last thing – the darkness coming to him, surrounding his body. In the middle of it, there was a person standing, dark eyes looking at him. It was a second and the shadows with a weird smoke got him. The brunet immediately woke up with a scream. His baby blue eyes quickly opened and his body was in a sitting position. His lower lip was shaking; the whole body was still tensed. His loud groan didn’t wake anyone. Bucky was alone in the apartment.

“Fuck,” he hid his face into the big palms of his. “Fucking hell,” Bucky whispered. When he wiped off the sweat from forehead, he stood up on his feet and went to the bathroom where he poured water all over his face. He looked into the mirror. His face was pale, wet and those blue eyes were terrified. “It was just a dream,” he mumbled, trying to calm down. “Nothing more than a dream.” Maybe it was a dream, but that dream reminded him his past.

That day was very simple. Bucky figured out how to properly work with television, what is that weird machine that produced a black liquid known as coffee. Many things were new to the man. He lived in captivity for many years and no one has ever explained him the technology of the twenty-first century. He jumped into something new and unknown. When he ran away from the incident in Washington, he had to discover what the world was offering. Even when it was hard, he somehow managed to adapt. The new world was a different place. Luckily, or not, he found someone – Izzy – who offered him a roof under his head. There was one thing strange about that woman, well maybe two – he had a feeling he knew her from somewhere. When his eyes landed on her, something deep inside pinched him in the chest. Secondly, he couldn’t figure out why the policeman didn’t saw them in the corner. He believed she had something to do with it.
Bucky spent the rest of his day watching TV and doing some exercises just to stay in shape. He missed working out in the gym, doing something for his body. At least he did some squats, push-ups and sit-ups. He did it for over an hour and after it, he took a long shower. That was the best activity so far.

That night, enjoying a movie from the twenty-first century, his eyes were suddenly empty. A memory came rushing back to his mind. Bucky could see everything, even remember the conversation. It wasn’t long, but it was something. It was back at the time when Hydra had him under lock, treating him like he was only a thing – a thing that was supposed to be trained for killing. One day, he had to train ten young girls in a gym. Of course they were under supervision. A man with a gun was standing in the corner of the gym, while Bucky taught them how to properly punch into a boxing moss.

The training had to be hard for the girls. Some of them were crying. One girl even broke her fingers. Her scream and cry was heard on the other side of the institute and that didn’t help her. When the men took her away, they beat her until blood was flowing down her mouth.

At the end of the day, the girls’ practice ended. It was time for dinner. All of them left, except one girl who was still standing at the same place, trying to practice the punches. Her blonde hair was in a high ponytail, eyes never leaving the boxing moss. Bucky’s eyes squinted a little and then he approached her. His blue eyes saw blood on the girl’s knuckles. “That’s enough,” he said in Russian, because that was the only language they were allowed to speak. When she didn’t obey the order, he grabbed her by shoulder and threw her on the ground. Once again, he had to do it. The real man in charge was still there, looking at them.

“The training is over, maiden,” the man said, coming to them with a gun in a hand. “Leave or you’ll be without food for a week,” his voice was loud and dominant. The Russian language was indeed scary for the girl.

“Leave,” Bucky looked at him. “I can take care of this one. Come take her in twenty minutes.”
“You are not permitted to give me orders, soldier,” the man hissed. “When I come back, I want to see that you taught her a lesson.” With that, the man reluctantly left the gym, leaving the soldier and the weak girl alone.

The girl looked at the brunet who was standing above her. He was very masculine and terrifying at the same time. Her body was shaking and tears formed in her icy blue eyes. “Please don’t hurt me,” she begged in English. She didn’t know the Russian language. “Please, I beg you.”

“Try to obey commands, girl,” Bucky said in English, stretching the metallic arm towards the girl for help. For a moment, she hesitated, but then she grabbed it and stood up. “This place is no joke,” he continued, eyes scanning the girl. “When they say stop, you stop. When they say beat that girl in second row, you do that.” His voice was deep and intimidating. His brown wet hair was falling on his face.

“I thought,” she whispered, still afraid to talk to the man. “I thought I was the only one who could speak English,” she bit her lower lip and glanced down. “I don’t understand them when they are talking to me. I don’t know their language. Most of the time, they beat me up when I don’t understand. And I-,” she was suddenly panicking. “I don’t want to be here. I want to go home, please.”

Bucky’s human hand quickly covered her mouth. “Shh,” he soothed her. “You are lucky we are alone,” the man sighed and slowly put the hand down. “If anyone hear you sobbing, they would break your bones or even worse – kill you.”

“What am I going to do?” she asked mostly herself.

The brunet leaned to the blonde girl, his manly arms resting on her shoulders. The girl was shorter than him. His nose was at the same high as her forehead. “You can’t go home, girl. But I can help you with the language and with the training, but you must deal with the fact that you are here. Neither was it my choice.”

“Why would you want to help me?” she whispered back, her eyes looking at the crook of his neck. “You are one of them. You are a soldier who obeys their commands.”

“As you can see,” he dryly gulped, “I’m not and I never will.” He took a step back and closed his eyes for a moment. “Just follow my lead.”

The time was running very fast. A few seconds before the door opened, Bucky roughly had slapped her face, leaving her with a ripped lip. His eyes found drops of blood on the floor. She was whining and panting heavily. There was no time for explanation. The man came back, eyes locked on the girl. An evil grin appeared on his face and he even clapped his hands. “Very good, soldier,” he said. “Now the girl will know where her place is.”

That memory wasn’t important at all. It was just a flashback from his past – something that was sleeping in his mind and now it just came back to him. Nevertheless, there was one connection between this memory and his dreams – the girl with blond hair and icy blue eyes. Who was she and what was her name? Did she survived and became a part of Hydra? No matter what he did, he couldn’t remember. He was losing it between his fingers like sand.

Was this girl even important?

Bucky didn’t know the answer even the next day after his nightmares almost ate him alive. It was a good thing Izzy still wasn’t back home. She had a work to do and as he could see, she needed guns for it. Living with this badass woman had its cons – she minded her own business and wasn’t asking too many questions. It was like a living with a guy. Unfortunately, his soul wanted a conversation with her. He knew her for ten minutes and now he was living in her apartment.

Once again, he ended with people who were doing crazy and illegal things. They all were from the underworld, killing and hurting people. The truth was no one was forcing them. The Winter Soldier is known for murdering and torturing people. He already was the bad guy, even when he wanted a normal, peaceful life. Maybe it was faith. He had two options – leave and move from place to place without a place to live or stay and be a part of the people he just met, deal with the fact that he’ll be doing all those things he wasn’t proud of.

As the day went by, he was getting bored. The television wasn’t as good as he thought. He needed fresh air and a cold beer. He put on clean clothes such as dark blue jeans, black shirt, and a dark brown hoodie. The black leather gloves were a part of every outfit he wore. The last touch was a black cap on his head. Bucky took the last few dollars he had and the key. After he locked the apartment, the journey to The Raven could start.

Surprisingly, Bucky found it pretty quickly. He got lost one time but found his way to the important street anyway. He didn’t have the courage to ask a person on any street if they knew where the pub – The Raven – was located. The brunet trusted his instincts and found it. The sun was slowly going down and the bar was filling with interesting individuals. The weather was cold and it looked like it was going to rain.

When he came down to the bar, it was surprisingly full. Only a few seats were free, including the one at the bar. Rick was talking to some men, laughing and pounding on the table with a fist. Also, Fat Joe was sitting in the corner with his two puppets, drinking their beers and minding their own business. The music was loud, but it perfectly fitted to this place. Bucky went to the bar; his hands were hidden in the pockets of the hoodie. The only eye contact he made was with Rick.

“Welcome back, boy!” he greeted him with a huge smile on his face. “Guys, you owe me twenty dollars. I knew Izzy wouldn’t kill this puppy.”

“Fuck this!” the one with black skin growled, handing the money to the bartender. “I was so sure she would kill him. I thought she would do it in his sleep with a knife. Well, I guess this is a warning for me to not bet on anything, especially with you, Raven.”

The brunet sat closer to the man, putting both of his gloved hands on the wooden slab. “Well, at least someone is having a great time,” he smiled a little. “That’s why I came here – to enjoy some moments with you and not only watch television.”

The Raven was surprised. “Look at you,” he laughed a little. “Are you trying to make new friends?” his eyebrows went up. “I don’t think you are at the right place, puppy.”

That was the moment when Bucky let everything go and just enjoyed the moment. He was surrounded by many killers and maniacs. He was like them. The past couldn’t be erased with a blink of an eye. “What if I prove you wrong?” he smirked. “What if I can show you that I’m at the right place?” he kept his voice low and on purpose a bit intimidating.

“How about we make a bet?” Rick suggested, gray eyes looking also at his friends. The other two guys annoyingly rolled their eyes, making a growling sound. “Twenty bucks that this puppy,” he pointed at Bucky, “won’t be friends with us until I close the bar?” he kinked a brow, waiting for the response from the others. “Come one, who’s in?” he looked around, waiting for some response. His friends accepted the bet.

“Okay, so it’s all three of you against me?” the brunet was looking at them in disbelief. “Fine, as you wish,” he laughed a little and relaxed in the chair.

The older man with gray hair and a mustache handed him a bottle of beer. “How’s Izzy? Is she back home? I haven’t heard from her from her since yesterday morning,” he smiled a little, taking few shot glasses and pouring vodka into them. He needed to fulfill another order for a group of very young guys, playing pool. They totally didn’t belong to a place like The Raven was.

“I have no idea. She wasn’t home when I went here,” Bucky replied, sipping the beer. “We actually haven’t talked to each other much since I, let’s call it – moved in.”

“She’s not back?” Rick’s voice sounded shocked and scared. “That’s impossible.” A second later, the man was holding a phone, trying to call her. There was no response. “Fuck, this isn’t good.”

“What’s happening?”

Just when Rick wanted to make a call to someone, a loud bang was heard at the entrance stairs. A random man fell right down on the floor from the stairs. All of the people stopped doing their activities and looked at the creature that fell down. Bucky was standing on his feet, ready for anything. Nobody tried to help that guy. They just kept looking at him while he was lying on the floor. That unknown man was wearing black clothes which were wet. Was it already raining outside? Suddenly, a laugh came out of his throat. He was facing the stairs and not moving at all.

A click-clacking sound was heard on the stairs. Another figure came to the bar. “You piece of motherfucking shit,” Izzy cursed loudly. “I just threw you down the stairs and you are still laughing? What the fuck man?” The young girl was wearing a long leather coat. It was all wet, just like her hair and face. The beautiful make-up she wore was gone and her eyes looked like panda’s eyes. Without warning, the woman grabbed the man by his jacket and with using her strength she made him stand up on his feet.

“Oh yeah baby,” the man smiled, “you are the first slut that likes it rough.”

“Ow,” Rick sighed quietly. “This is not good.” Bucky’s eyes were locked on her, scanning the girl’s moves, registering with one ear what Rick said.

Izzy punched him right in the face and frowned. “You still haven’t learned your lesson, have you?” she said annoyingly and her tongue brushed against the upper teeth. But the man was only laughing, not making a big deal of it. Blood was running down his mouth, his eyes were locked on the woman, undressing her and she saw it. “I’m sorry,” her voice rapidly changed. All of a sudden, it was sweet and very girly. “I think you find it funny when a woman threatens you, am I right?” her eyes delightfully blinked.

“Many girls punched me and in the end, I ended up with them in my bed,” he sent her an air kiss. “They loved riding my big fat cock and I believe you would enjoy it too. Come on, baby. I’ve heard you are one of the best whores here.”

The raven-haired woman took a step back and inhaled the unpleasant smell from the bar. She was used to it. Her arms stretched and she turned to the people. “Would any of you like to grab him by the collar? This piece of fuck thinks I’m some kind of a joke. Please, come on, anyone? You have an amazing chance to do something amazing today – impress me. And, there is a prize! A bottle of any kind of alcohol is on me,” and then she smiled like a sun.

The whole place was still quiet, only the music was playing in the background and it wasn’t loud like it used to be. Izzy was waiting for any man to stand up and fulfill her wishes. “I don’t have a problem with it,” Bucky said after some seconds, smirking. He was already on his feet. The only thing he did was take some steps closer to the two people. The brunet’s eyes sparkled a little, the smirk never leaving his face. Just when the man wanted to say something, Bucky, in a blink of an eye, gripped his neck with a left hand. A muffled robotic sound was heard from behind the clothing when he picked him up. The man’s legs were in the air and he was choking from the grip.

Izzy’s dark eyes looked at Bucky and she devilishly smiled. “Now,” she breathed, “where were we? Oh, right,” she crossed her arms over the breasts, “Is this better? Is this still funny? Oh, I do believe it is,” she was talking mostly to the audience. “Does this still make me a slut? Honey, believe me, I can kill you with my bare hands. However, you laughed when I pushed you down the stairs or when I slapped you. Are you laughing now? I don’t see me threatening you anymore. My friend here,” she pointed at the soldier, “is doing the job.”

“Oh, come on, Iz,” Rick spoke, smiling like a Satan. “Don’t play with him. Just kill the bug and let’s enjoy the night, shall we? I can bring you the black plastic bags.”

“No, no, no,” she denied. “I can’t kill him. That would be way too easy. I’ll be doing him a favor. He needs to know and feel what’s like to be abused. He deserves to be tormented. Just look at his face.”

When the man tried to do something, Bucky’s grip was even tighter. He knew how to hold him so would give him a little air and when to choke him. He could hold him like that for another hour if necessary. The truth was he never wanted to hurt people again. It was his past. However, he needed to fit in. The woman gave him home and he now he could peacefully live in her apartment until something would go very wrong and they find him. Maybe they’ll help him find some answers to his questions. Bucky immediately made his decision. There were many cons to remain a bad guy.

“What if I chop his balls off or his dick?” she sang a little. “Then he won’t be able to stick it anywhere. He would be like that character from my favorite TV show from the medieval times.”

“Ouch, girl, that is a brutal one,” said one of Rick’s friends who was holding a beer in his hand. “Even my boys are afraid now.”

“Please,” the man wheezed. “Don’t do it. I- I’m,” he tried to say something but couldn’t.

Izzy tapped Bucky’s shoulder as a sign to release that man from the grip. He did as she told him, staying in the same spot and looking at the freak on the ground that was holding his throat and trying to breathe again. “You were saying?” the girl prompted.

“You get your point, woman,” the man growled, still holding his neck. No one would expect another laugh from that man, but there he was, giggling like a little girl. He was really obnoxious and rude. “I can’t believe you had to use your puppet for threatening me,” and once again, he was smiling. “Why didn’t you do it on your own, ha, tough girl?”

That was all Izzy had to hear from that unknown man. Whoever that was, she was about to make him suffer. Her patience was already gone. Her arm stretched to the man and she grabbed him by his wet hair. He moaned a little, gritted his teeth and looked into her dark eyes. This was the end for him – he knew it, he saw it. Without any other words, the girl harshly dragged the guy outside of the bar, where would be no witnesses. The weather had once again changed and it was heavily raining. That’s why her clothes and hair would be again all wet.

“She’s really pissed off,” Bucky said when the two of them were gone. Even when the girl was absent, the people in the bar remained quiet and didn’t dare to continue with drinking or chatting. Izzy was a dangerous young woman and as usual, she showed them her dark side.

Rick’s giggling was interrupted by a terrifying scream. It belonged to the man. It sounded like the last voice of his life. “Well, may he rest in peace,” Raven finally said, when the scream ended. He took a bottle of beer and drank from it.

The brunet went back to his seat. Izzy was indeed a fearless, intimidating woman. Who knew what she did to that piece of shit? “At least we know she’s back – healthy and her mood is fucked up,” Bucky commented. “In fact, did you know that guy?”

“I’ve never seen him in my life,” the bartender replied, taking a tray full of shots and going away from the bar. While passing the brunet man, he added, “And now we won’t see him ever again,” and he laughed.

Bucky had a light smile on his face, slightly rolling his eyes. Yes, they were crazy, but who was he to judge? He was no better. That’s why the man had finally relaxed and drank his beer. After a couple of seconds, he was talking to the men, who were regularly sitting behind the bar, chatting with the bartender. The one with the dark chocolate skin was a seventy-year-old man, who loved pot and his life has always been wild. His real name was Edgar. The other guy was younger and he was much calmer than anyone else in this place. The man’s name was Trent and he was a widower.

“Fucking son of a bitch,” Izzy was back and she was rubbing her hands against her black dress. The heels were click-clacking on the floor and the long leather coat was revealing her sexy outfit. The dress had a deep neckline and its skirt part was pretty short. She wore nylon stockings with a sexy lace pattern on each side of legs. She sat next to Bucky on a barstool and crossed her legs. “I’m not a slut,” she declared angrily, mumbling words under her nose. “That should teach him a fucking lesson.”

Rick came to her with an empty tray. “Relax, sweetheart,” he kissed her on the top of her hair. “You did the best thing,” he supported her and went to the register. “He’s gone and now you can enjoy our company,” he gave her a friendly smile, pointing at the people sitting at the bar. He even included Bucky – that was unusual.

The raven-haired girl turned to the soldier and checked him. “I’m impressed,” she started to talk to him. Bucky gave her his full attention. “I wasn’t expecting you doing it. Well, I wasn’t expecting you here at all,” she said monotonously, eyes looking into his blue one.

“Well,” he took a deep breath, “you let me stay at your place. This was the least I could do,” he winced a little, taking the bottle of beer back to his hand and sipping the liquid. “For your information, I didn’t do it for the alcohol. You can keep the bottle,” and he winked at her.

Izzy took a deep breath and turned her head to Rick. “Hey babe,” she smiled a little. “Give me a bottle of the best vodka you have here. It’s for the savior here,” she poked the brunet’s shoulder, making a grimace. “He deserves it for what he did today. He’s a true hero.” The man had to roll his eyes and she saw it. “You stepped in and grabbed that dickhead by his collar. Respect,” and it didn’t sound sarcastic at all.

“Oh, fuck this shit,” Rick had to roll his eyes and he immediately grabbed a twenty dollar bill from his own wallet. The other two men did the same and they handed Bucky the money.

“What’s happening?” Izzy was confused a little.

“You just accepted him,” Edgar answered her question. “We made a bet and once again I lost.”

“Oh boys,” she laughed a little. “Aren’t ya cute?”

The bartender gave Bucky the promised bottle of vodka. “Oh, and five glasses, if you don’t mind,” the brunet asked. “Well, you all are drinking with me,” the brunet smiled and waited for the glasses. Meanwhile, he opened the bottle and smelled the aroma.

“How was the job, Izzy?” Rick turned to the girl while Bucky was pouring the vodka. “You said you’ll be back this morning and you weren’t. What happened?”

A shot glass appeared in front of her. “It was difficult, funny, interesting and disgusting at the same time,” she sighed, making a grimace. “In Jacksonville, I had to pretend I’m a stripper – well, that was the fun part – and I had to seduce this forty-year-old-man whose breath smelled like a tuna in the worst condition ever. Oh, and the most disgusting part?” she stood up, took off the coat and turned to the man, so they could see her right side. She grabbed the hem of the dress and pulled it up, and showing her black lace thongs through the stockings. Bucky dryly gulped and bit his lower lip. The girl was really confident and brave. And there on the right cheek was a purple bite mark. The men could see it through the almost transparent piece of clothing. “That moron bit my ass and now it looks like this!”

The gray-haired man started to laugh out loud, barely holding the tears back. “Fuck, this is gold,” he shouted. “Now, tell us what have you done with that tuna head?” Rick was curious.

Izzy gritted her teeth, rolled down the dress and sat back on the barstool. “Let’s just say the only food he’ll be eating is porridge.”

“Ouch,” Edgar stroked his mouth. “You pulled out his teeth?”

Izzy brightly smiled at him, nodding approvingly and took the glass of vodka between the fingers. “Once again I’m back here, sitting in my favorite pub, drinking vodka like a pro,” she chuckled. “I had two rough days, but believe me; it’s good to be back here with you, boys. And I would like to welcome our new member,” she looked at Bucky, “who proved he’s worthy of our company, time and alcohol. He’s like us and I believe he will help us just like we helped him. Welcome to hell! You are going to love it. We are nothing more than freaks. Cheers!” After her speech, every one of them drank the liquid.

“Welcome officially in The Raven, Bucky,” Rick said his name for the first time and smiled. “Don’t fuck it up, or I’ll be the first one who’s going to kill you,” he winked at him. “Not her, but me. I am a son of a bitch too. Don’t try to mess with me.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” the brunet nodded.

“With great power,” the black-haired girl tapped soldier’s shoulder, “comes great money. People are going to love him. Just look at him,” she was gesturing with hands, “he’s fearless, sexy and dangerous. Someone should write a song about this man.“

“Iz, are you drunk?” Rick looked at her, not believing what she just said. She gave showed him her tongue like she was a five-year-old.

Bucky playfully rolled his eyes and a grin appeared on his face. “That’s flattering,” he laughed a little.

“Let’s celebrate, shall we?” Izzy took the brunet’s bottle and poured them another round. “The night is young and tonight is all about… the alcohol!”

Notes