The silver's tears

After what happened, thor went missing, at first they thought he went back to asgard but how? There was no way back that is for sure, maybe he went to see Jane after what he went through he needed her now by his side more than ever, so they took off to see Jane.
Only Steve and Natasha gone the rest had to stay in case of anything happen
When they arrived, Darcy was waiting for them she looked so excited for finally meeting them that she didn't stop talking and staring at them
"I got your message, you said you wanted to meet Jane at once"
"Erm.. yes where is she?" Steve said
"she will be here in 15 minutes, tea?"
"anything cold will be great" Natasha said annoyed by the heat
"yeah sorry for that, we had to cut the power off, one of our experiments was a total disaster, Erik is working on it now, it will be back soon I hope" she said giving them a cold soda
"Thanks, have you seen thor? I mean didn't he come to visit Jane recently?" Steve asked
"it has been six months since the last time he was here, actually Jane was thinking of visiting you "
"Darcy come and help me with these" Jane said entering the room carrying a large box "oh, sorry…Steve Natasha what are you doing here? Is everything okay? I mean welcome"
"Hey easy there, let me take this from you and sit down you look tired" Steve said taking the box from her
"Thank you, it was a long day and thor didn't show up for six months and now you are here, something is wrong right?" she said quickly out of her breath
"We don't know" Natasha said looking to Steve worriedly
"sorry what? you…you don't know!" her voice was cracking
"Thor told you about loki right? The last time he was here"
"Erm…yes he said that you were wrong and that something or someone was controlling him and that he was fine now"
"actually loki is dead"
"What?"
"He died a month ago, whatever that was controlling him was so much stronger than him that the only way to resist him was to die" Steve said
"And where was thor? Where were you from all of that?"
"We couldn't do anything no one could, but thor…he refused to believe that he was gone, he stayed all the night in his room and in the morning he was gone"
"Maybe he went back to Asgard" Darcy said
"No"
"How can you be so sure?!"
"I know because I had to tell a mother that her son is dead and the other went missing" Steve shouted at her and left
" What's wrong with him?" Darcy asked frowning
"Sorry for that, we have to go, I'll give you a call if we found anything" Natasha said preparing to leave
"Hey, just wait here, do you expect me to let you go like that?" Jane said angrily
"Yes and you will, we don't have time for babysitting"
"But this thor we talk about here, my thor"
"Your thor…need his team right now not a puny scientist who can't harm a fly" Natasha scoffed
"I believe you are right" she said in a broken voice
"Good" Natasha ran back to Steve she broke a heart and on her way to fix another
"I failed Natasha…I failed"
"no you didn't you can't keep blaming yourself, he made his choice to save us all, he was braver than all of us" she said lifting up his face to face her
"you saw the look on her face, so much more could have been done so much more" he shouted kicking the ground
"You think you are the one who failed him?, you are wrong, he is the one who failed us"
Steve looked at her in shock " He is dead"
"And why is that? Cause he was coward to face his fears, he neither asked for our help nor fought back, he wanted to be worthy he thought that would make him a hero, where is he now"
Steve stepped away shocked of what she just said,did she lost her mind ? One minute she was calling him hero who saved us now he is a coward!! he felt his heart brats racing and everything went blur, he wasn't shocked he was angry so angry that if clint didn't just show up he would have done something make him regrets for rest of his life
"Come with me now" Clint pulled her and walk away as fast as he could
"Nat, tell me have you fell on your head recently?"
She was taken by his question can't tell if he was joking or not
"what the hell were you thinking when you said this?" Steve said storming towards her
"Whoa big guy calm down" Clint said standing in front of her quickly
"move of the way clint" Steve hissed
"No way both of you went insane, look at you fighting with each other instead of working the hell out together"
"I only said the truth captain, this take long time and we have better things to take care of more than a grieving blonde"
"Nat enough" clint shouted at her
"no, you know why are we called Avengers because it's our job to fight back to avenge for what we lost, grieving is not part of our job"
"she is right" Tony said landing
"What are you doing here?" Steve asked
"found the big guy, he is fine and waiting back in tower"
"good, we have an assemble in shield in two hours, be there" Natasha said leaving them
"leave her now" tony said stopping clint from following her
they both looked at him questioning if he knew something they don't
"I thought you knew her better clint " tony said smiling sadly
"I don't know ...she has been acting weirdly for a while like she is hiding something from me, can you imagine that ? Nat hiding something from me!! " clint said frowning , her recent actions hurt him so much
"grief is a strange feeling you can't handle seeing the one you care for grieving but you can't stop yourself from feeling the same" Tony said
"she grieving loki? didn't you hear what she said" Steve scoffed
"on that day i saw her going to loki's room i stood there fearing they might fight but this didn't happen, i heard them talking and laughing "
"in the same day of his...?"Steve asked quickly
"yes...laughing and talking together then few hours later she had to watch him die, she is feeling betrayed , after that night i went to her , she was quiet but her eyes said all...she tried to act tough but when i mentioned what i saw she quit it "
"she cried?" clint asked
"ask her " tony said looking at something behind them it was natasha, she was standing there silently
"why did you come back?" steve said upset
"who said i left " she tried to make her voice calm but they could feel her break clint walked to her and stood in front of her staring at her eyes like he sees her for the first time, then he grabbed her in a hug whispering some words to her , suddenly natasha bursted sobbing and hugged him back remembering that night ....
She regretted leaving him all this time by his own , though he won’t let her in like always but she made him a promise and intends to keep it, she stood in front of his room for at least 15 minutes in this moment fighting entire army by herself seemed an easy mission comparing to knock on his door , she wasn't afraid no...she was only worried of his reaction he has this high temper and fighting with him is something she would love to avoid
"Are you going to stand there all day?"
"How did you ..." she gasped , he was standing there in front of her smiling but tiredly
"will, come in " he said heading back to his seat
" uhm, How are you?" damn it , what's wrong with me, she said to herself
"Fine, are you here for just asking me that" he smirked
"Shut up" nat shouted at him trying to look serious but she was glad he is fine and still enjoying his sass
"Are you going to give me these or i have to snatch them?" he said moving closer to me staring at my eyes
"oh, yes here you go , i made pepper make them for you " gosh he make me so nervous always , i don't love him don't be stupid i mean i do love him but not in that way, he is like the brother i always dreamed of having and when it came true i have no idea what to do” she stared at him thinking
"umm delicious, if midgardians are good at one thing it is this "
seeing him like this gave her a warm feeling made me smile , his love to chocolate is adorable but she felt he is hiding something being that cheerful wasn’t a thing Loki known for, but she shaked her head laughing at her silly thoughts
"Give me that, i wanna some " she said grabbing the plate from him
"No, it's mine" he yelled frowning
"oh my god" she shouted looking shocked
"What!!" he paused looking worried
"You look so.."
"What?" he yelled
"Cute" she said laughing at his reaction , his face went red and he looked away "loki I'm sorry"
"for what ?" he sat next to me
"for leaving you all this time alone , i gave you my word and i didn't keep it I'm sorry i should have tried harder not leaving you like that"
"Hey don't worry, I'm used to stay alone, and you are here now that all what matters and it was me who didn’t let you in so it’s not your fault" he said smiling at her , he had the most beautiful smile you will ever see
"keep it always like this" she pointed to his heart "
"I'll miss you nat " he said looking sad
"Why....are you leaving somewhere?"
"it only matter of time till thor take me back to asgard rough days are coming "
he was afraid she can feel it, at this moment she sure that both had the feeling that something bad is going to happen.
"silly me , forget what i said and give me my chocolate back " he said in a childish way making her laugh so hard he laughed until his eyes brightened with tears and it was the last memory of him with her ...
“You mean he knew this was going to happen and still he acted like everything was okay?” Clint gasped
“if he was really dead” Tony muttered, flying away “meeting in one hour, don’t be late” he said to them firmly
“what?...Are you all lost your mind or what?” Steve rasped leaving too
“Nat, please you need to let go, I know what you thought of him what feelings he brought in you, but you need to move on” Clint said holding her hand
“I can’t, he...betrayed me how can he laugh at my face like everything is okay making me ignoring the fact that nothing was okay, I hate him” she cried hiding her face
Clint just stood there frozen not knowing what to do, he never saw her like that before even in their worst time Natasha was always the strongest one never letting her feelings control her but now she was hurt.
An hour later they were all standing in the main room waiting for Thor and Tony , they avoided looking at each other since that night no one of them had the courage to go back to this floor again neither did Tony so he moved all their stuff to another floor
“They are late” Bruce said trying to break this strange ice between them
“Yeah” Steve said staring at nothing
“So, did you finish your work in India or should I say your run” Natasha asked Bruce coldly
“Yes, and excuse me if I needed some time alone away from all of this” he said quietly not even looking at her
“All of what exactly?” she asked with the same quiet tone
“This...you...all this memories, everywhere I look I see him hear him, I’m done with losing people all the time” his voice was full of anger and despair
“And you think running away will end it? You..Thor.. just left everything behind your backs and disappeared” Steve said bitterly
“You want us to do what exactly? Sitting here whining burying ourselves in memory” Bruce parked
“We supposed to be a team”
“And we are, but what happened is beyond that, we may be a team but we are not the same, Cap” clint said trying to calm them down
“No, we are the same you know why? Because the truth is we all ran” Tony said joining them finally “we all buried our selves in work trying to forget everything , Bruce going back to his old work and you Clint accepted every mission without complaining like usual , and you two with all the hydra and shield shit...and me in my lap , so yeah we all ran cause none of us is ready for this” he shouted waving his hand “to come back here finding everything the same like he never left , like a month ago we weren’t here finally feeling we belong finally feeling we are home....to come back here finding everything the same like he never left , like a month ago we weren’t here finally feeling we belong finally feeling we are home....to come back finding this ripped of us, because it’s just making me want to destroy everything here, this room where we sat listening to Thor’s tales , the kitchen where we laughed where we make fun of ourselves to make this kid feel safe, his room where we spent nights without sleep looking after him listening to his crying...” Tony gasped in angst crying for the first time they see him crying, all this feeling buried inside him growing day after day till he can’t take it anymore “We ran afraid if seeing another one of us die” he said in a broken voice before he crush on floor leaning to the wall crying and screaming in agony
“Tony...why you hid it all this time” Steve gasped in shock sitting next to him
“All this time thinking you the toughest one thought you became like your suits.. The jerk who only cares about himself drowning himself in work and drinking, but I think we all were wrong about you” Clint muttered hugging him
“Don’t do that again” Tony said standing away from him
“Shut up” Clint snarled wiping his tears
“Look at us , what the hell happened to all of us” Natasha exclaimed
“We have something to live for making of us a family then we lost it” Steve said sighing
“Where is Thor?” Clint asked
“I don’t know” Tony replied
“Didn’t you say you found him?”
“Jarvis said that not me, he sensed his powers here and also there is this message from him to call everyone for a meeting here” Tony said showing them the message on his phone
“Since when Thor can text?” Clint smirked when the thunder boomed outside
“Speaking of the devil” Tony said slightly worried
They waited for him to show up but instead they heard a noise coming from a certain room...The only room they have been avoiding all this time...Loki’s room
“Of course, where else would he be” Steve sighed heading to him and they followed him hesitated
“Hey big guy” Steve said smiling at him
“How can you stand this silent?” He said looking around memorising every inch of the room , he looked awful , red swelling eyes, messy hair , wearing the same clothes , holding his cape near his heart touching it frequently
“Where the hell have you been?” Tony parked at him
“But this silent won’t ever end I assume” Thor continued lost in his world
“Thor” Steve called him worried looking at the rest
“Where did you go Thor?” Bruce asked approaching him
“I...was here with Loki, he hated to be left alone so I stayed with him” his voice was husky like he didn’t use it for a while when Natasha slapped him
No one saw when did she end up standing in front of him , they stared at her shocked from the anger look on her face
“He didn’t give up his life for you so you end up like this, stop whining and put your shit together, you pathetic” she shouted hitting him on his chest
“I...can’t”
“Yes you can, Loki believed in you to be strong after he is gone believed that only you can end everyone suffering not making it worse, You of all of us should be the one who keep us strong keep us fighting”
“You left in the most time you were needed, did you have any idea how was it hard to bring this to your mother, you have any idea how much I needed you beside me to keep this team this family from falling apart” Steve said in a broken voice, the fact that he always considered Thor as the leader of this team after him to count on him and suddenly not having him around in this desperate time everything fell into his shoulder
“You don’t wanna listen to us fine but at least keep the promise you made to your brother” Tony rasped
Thor looked at him confused what promise ?!
“To let go, Thor” he said quietly
“To forget him? Never” Thor cried
“Who said to forget him, everyone loses people they love does this mean life has to stop? Does this mean the end? No Thor life must go on, I know it’s hard but you need to let go, Thor” he said quietly
“To forget him? Never” Thor cried
“Who said to forget him, everyone loses people they love does this mean life has to stop? Does this mean the end? No Thor life must go on, I know it’s hard but you need to let go like you did before” Steve said sitting next to him
“This what makes it hard, having to live this again , people grieve one time but I had to mourn him twice...losing him after I thought I found him again, having to go back and to be the one to tell mother that I failed again ?,so yes I ran away what else did you expect me to do” he said covering his face
“but you are back now and that what matters, no more running okay, all of you” Natasha said looking at all of them
“I...came here before, none of you was here, I thought I’d find him here waiting for me like he used to do hugging me shouting at me to leaving him all this time by himself ....I thought it would one if his games and he would show up laughing at me that I fell for that again but...he didn’t” his voice started to break again
“Thor enough of that please” Natasha shouted at him with tears in her eyes
“No,no but you know the funny thing is he always kept his promise even it would put him in danger, since we were kids he never broke a promise he made for me, how many times he got hurt only to keep his promise and every time I shouted at him pleaded him not to do this and the only time I really wanted him to keep his promise was the only time he broke it, I can’t let go that easy you know why ?...Because I promised not to let go of him never again and he promised that he would stay with me , that he won’t leave me again...He promised” he looked at them with tears covering his face
“For god sake please cut this talk out, you think you the only one who suffers have you seen Pepper recently ? Phil? Look at Natasha , look at us , please Thor stop or I swear no one will stop me if I punched you now” Tony shouted at him kicking the table near the bed and something fell to the ground
“Loki’s iPod? You broke it” Steve said in blaming tone checking it when the a song played out loud
“What is that?” Tony said holding a small book, green one with golden patterns
“Loki’s diaries” Thor cried taking it from Tony
“Maybe he left something in it for you” Natasha said
“For all of us” Thor said smiling , there was a letter, his hands were trembling can’t find the courage to open it he can’t...
“It’s okay” Natasha said to him holding his hands assuring him, Thor looked at her smiling
“You are a good friend”
“I know, now open it” she smiled
Thor opened the letter smiling on seeing his brother neat handwriting, he took a deep breath and started to read...
“Have you ever felt that your time has come? That your life as you always knew it has come to an end, silly right? But that’s what I feel right now I can sense it slipping away, my life my thoughts, everything is fading but you know what? I’m not afraid this time, at least this time I’ll leave knowing that I was loved by all of you, knowing that there is someone out there think I worth saving.
You made me feel home, to finally can say that I belonged to somewhere, to have someone to call a friend, thank you fir making me feel alive when I only wanted to die.
Thor,
Why I always must be the one who causes you the greatest pain, but this time I have a chance to say goodbye, to say that I loved you more than anything in this world, you will always be my everything Thor, you are angry with me, don’t want to see me, please don’t be, I’m sorry, I need you to be away I can’t stand seeing you and think that it maybe the last time, you lived this before but I didn’t Thor, I can’t look at you in the eyes and pretend that everything is okay, how it can be okay when I know any moment now I’ll be gone forever.
Just forgive me please and don’t forget me please cause I’ll never forget you Thor till the end of my time, remember that you once had a brother, who was fool enough to break your heart, who was naïve enough to love you, a brother who wasn’t worthy enough to have a brother like you to have friends.
Don’t forget me, the one who wasn’t worthy enough to live but he lived anyway thanks to all of you he can say that he lived happily and died knowing that live did see him worthy.”
“Loki” Thor whispered with tears in his eyes, then he smiled a little only loki can make him smile again and he still manages to do that even after he was gone
“Only Loki can deal with the stubborn blonde even now” Tony said laughing nervously trying not to cry again
“Thanks buddy” Clint whispered smiling “I’ll miss you”
“A drink anyone?” Tony said holding a bottle and some glasses
Thor nodded taking a glass “For Loki”
“For Loki” they all said holding their glasses up
“For Loki”....

Notes