The silver's tears

Bucky didn't know how he ended here ! the last thing he remembers was talking to Loki about his time with hydra and the most things he regrets now since he is out of their control , he told him about the nightmares he used to see especially the one Loki witnessed , the one where he killed Tony's parents , he was anxious that Loki would leave him after hearing what he did , but Loki understood him , he didn't judge him not even by a look , and he got the feeling that he could say anything to him and he did he told him about that day , he didn't leave a detail , he was so taken by his feelings and guilt that he didn't notice the warm tears wetting Loki's shirt , when did he pulled him in a hug ? ! Bucky didn't remember but didn't mind it as well ,he was so tired right now to think about maintaining his picture in front of him , so instead he just let all out and felt like a huge weight fell off his shoulders , and Loki waited patiently for him to calm down stroking his back in circles..
They sat like this for an hour embracing the calmness around them deriving strength from the waves as they broke to form anther stronger ones was both powerful and peaceful and they knew they needed this before what's going to happen next ,they thought of themselves as waves crushing on the shore waiting for the ocean to calm down so they can form a stronger one .. a peaceful one .
Loki poked him gently to get his attention and bucky was pulled of his thoughts immediately shifting to look at him and for a moment he was lost in his eyes and he knew what coming next won't be good at all , loki was all serious now writing something with a trembling hand and it only made Bucky more worried ..
*You need to talk about this with stark , he needs to know believe me *
upon reading this bucky knew what was coming next and he wasn't ready for that in fact he doesn't think he would be ever ready , but Loki knew all of that already didn't he ,that's why he is holding his hand between his right now , it was his way of saying " don't worry , i'll be there for you always beside you, nothing will ever goes wrong as long as i'm here "
And bucky just knew he believed him ..
......
"How the hell did you come here? no forget that, What are you doing here exactly? came to kill the only stark left ? came to finish your mission?" Tony spat out enraged it was the last thing he imagined to happen and the bloody timing , what if he heard him?!
"I don't know , he told me .. i din't know he would take us now " bucky said failing to keep an eye contact with Tony
"Who are talking about?" Pepper asked in a more calmer but a little trembling voice
"Him" bucky replied at once waving his hand beside him without even looking
"oh i get it , the sounds in your head right ? they told you to come here or do you have an imaginary friend who tells you what to do" Tony snarled at him
"What! I mean him why can't you see him? he is right he..." Bucky paused on realizing that there was no-one beside him , did loki lie to him ?!
"Bucky ! what's wrong ? Pepper asked on seeing him going pale but he didn't answer he was so caught on his thoughts thinking of a reasonable reason for why would loki not being here with him , when it hit him
"Bucky.." Tony called him trying not to lose his temper not now at least when pepper is here
"huh , yes , I was only focusing on how this will affect me that I didn't see how much he is not ready for this all ,seeing you guys would be overwhelming , so much feelings and too many explanations he doesn't have" bucky muttered
"Who are you talking about?" Tony asked feeling lost from all this babbling
"Loki.." bucky simply said it without knowing the impact of such a name on both of them , Tony couldn't believe what he just heard and pepper she just fell to her chair and let herself sunk in it trying to let this new information sunk too
"Wh...where is he ?" tony asked with a shaky voice and stern face
"He was supposed to be here , in fact I think he is , an isolated island with just green and water around him is his thing you know , he only feels safe in places like this where he can be alone and enjoy the sun and the waves, sitting under the shade of a tree, this was our life since i met him" bucky said quietly staring at the sky and Tony couldn't miss it the calmness that surrounds him it reminds him of Loki , something in bucky seems so familiar right now maybe the peaceful look he always saw on loki or his dark hair and the lost look on his face , like he was broken and put together again, the same look he saw on loki
At this moment Tony felt that every single part of hatred he carried for bucky had faded away and for the first time since he learnt the truth he felt calm ..
"So,should we go look for him or wait here crying our hearts out ?" Tony smirked
bucky looked at him surprised, on understanding what he means he felt his eyes being teary he turned away quickly wiping his tears whispering "thank you" not knowing if even stark heard him or not
"Someone bring him to me please" Pepper said in a small voice which made Tony's heart ache for her, she is missing him so much hat she can't take it anymore
"I can find him , we sorta have this link which help me find him ,it doesn't always work but right now I can feel him" bucky said looking away quickly
"You have spending a lot of time with him ,haven't you" Pepper said smiling at him
"Why are you saying this?" bucky looked perplexed
"You sound a lot like him" it was Tony who replied quietly
"He was the only one who really understood me and I think we accepted each other for who we are right now not what who we were and what other people wanted us to be .. two people who died a long time ago" bucky bit his lib not knowing why he said this to them and turned away
"Sometimes people tend to refuse the truth and continue to hang into the past but with time they will learn to let go" Pepper said putting a hand on his shoulder reassuring him and bucky smiled at her appreciating that
"We really should search for him before it gets late with him out there alone" bucky said preparing to go
"Just because I know him , is there anything we need to know?" Tony said sounding concerned
"He is calm , all the anger the others told me about isn't there , but he is sadder , he can get very emotional in seconds, kinda moody i guess ,, he looks healthier than the photos steve showed me of him , but sometimes I get the feeling he is hiding something from the way he moves sometimes with difficulty or the quiet moan when he shifts in his place like something is hurting him but he refused to tell me anything every time i asked him "
"Why i feel there is a 'but' coming" Pepper said worried and bucky just nodded
"He won't speak again , not even trying to.."
"Again"Pepper cried " what could've happened to him to lead to this again?" She asked looking at them and no-one of them dared to think about it
After 20 minutes they reached a big tree and under its shades he was there , sleeping like always and it felt like he belongs there like this how it always should be for him and Pepper remembered what Heimdal told her that this was a habit for him before all of his happened
"Could you just wait here , I don't want to startle him if that's okay with you?" bucky asked them and they just nodded in understanding
bucky leaned next to him staring at him for a seconds no matter how many times he saw him like this it always feels new for him, relaxing and he just wants to enjoy it as long as possible , he sighed hating to wake him up after so many restless nights but he can't just leave him here when it's starting to get dark so he put his hand on his shoulder shaking him gently when he felt him shifting a little opening his eyes looking at him smiling like always
"Don't do this again , i was worried and honestly little upset" bucky said in low voice so only Loki can hear him
Loki nodded taking his hand 'his only way to reassure bucky that he is here' and with the other hand he gave him his note and bucky read what he wrote
*You needed to do this alone , me being there would be just a distraction none of you need it right now or me..*
Two things bucky didn't tell them about this Loki the first one was his obvious low self esteem and the second one he found it difficult to realize or 'see' all his surrounding so there was a big chance he didn't see them till now so when bucky handed Tony the note he was pretty sure Loki didn't even notice that !
he held his face to make him look in the eye he needs him to really see him when he says these words and he leaned closer so that only Loki could hear him
"Loki, listen to me carefully you are not and will never be a distraction for any of us and you are always needed not because of anything other than just you , so please don't think so low of yourself cause there are so many people who love you and miss you so much, for who you are not who you supposed to be , and if you still have any doubt just try to focus on what is in front of you , Loki I know it has been difficult for you to do this lately but I really want you to try" bucky whispered to him tightening his hold on his hand when he felt him trembling a little on realizing that there is someone else here , he looked paler and afraid and bucky started to regret doing this to him and actually thinking of escape
Loki looked up slowly afraid of who he might found a giant blond to be specific but instead he found two familiar and worried faces staring at him and he felt a little calmer 'anyone but him' he thought to himself smiling to them leaning to the tree again closing his eyes
Bucky sighed shifting to a more comfortable position sitting next to him and loki just leaned to him resting his head against his shoulder taking his hand again going back to sleep
the other two followed their lead and sat in front of them not knowing what to do
"He doesn't get much sleep so when he does he just let himself" Bucky explained whispering
"Somehow he reminds me of him when he first woke up from the comma, he only trusted one person back then , he slept a lot but not at night and...and he wasn't completely aware of his surroundings" Pepper said trying to hold her tears
"oh, you realized" bucky said a little surprised by how much she knew him
" I was the one there when he woke up"
"Are we gonna leave him here all night?" Tony asked quickly annoyed by the idea
"No, I'm used to find him sleeping in places like this , I just sit next to him till he fall in complete sleep then I carry him to our place , he just needs to feel my presence all the time if he doesn't he will wake looking for me... but he is not the only one who has this habit ,the difference is he can't carry me so he just stay by my side till i wake up , 'bound to be together' these words seared to our minds even before we met" bucky opened to them not for his sake but Loki's , he doesn't want them to see him as weak or needy just because he is the vulnerable one right now...
"I think we finally knew what he was missing ... you" Pepper said smiling
"The irony is everyone thought what you both needed was your Steve and his Thor no-one imagined that you two would be running together from them and found home in each other but who am I to judge I already ran to my home" Tony said quietly looking at pepper who took his hand in return and bucky just smiled squeezing Loki's hand a little...
They found home in each other.

Notes