The Deepest Longing

Frigga steps away from the fire. Drugging one of her children is not something she would have ever considered doing before, but she is desperate. Her gamble worked as it turned out. She was wise not to give Loki a love potion, he would have detected it immediately and knew that his mother was meddling. The watered down truth potion in Loki’s soup turned out to be the perfect choice. Loki had been unable to stop himself from confessing every deep emotion and secret to his new wife, and he endeared himself to her for it. Lilly has been under the influence as well.
That purple tea isn’t just a diet supplement, it’s also a natural aphrodisiac. Frigga is amazed Lilly managed to go nine whole days without mounting her son.
“How goes our son’s punishment?” Odin asks his wife.
“Very well.” Frigga says conspiratorially. “I think I managed to give them the push they needed.”
“Do you think he will ever come to love her?” Odin asks in his fatherly voice.
“I do, and I feel guilty for it. He’ll have to watch her grow old and die. The child too, though at a much lesser rate. Out living them both will be heart retching for him.” Frigga says with sadness in her eyes.
“I know you do my dear, but one way or another Loki must be taught to feel compassion for the mortals. Having him love one is not the worst punishment I could have given him.” Odin says quietly.
“I know that dear, and you are right. I just wish it wasn’t necessary. Do you think we will be able to release him after the child is born?” Frigga asks her husband hopefully.
“That depends on him, my dear.”
Loki awakens with Lilly curled up in his arms. The previous night’s passionate love making floods his memories and he smiles. When was the last time he smiled a genuine smile? Loki cannot recall. He looks down at the sleeping mortal. She’s such a petite little thing, though her features are striking. Her long flowing hair is only a shade lighter than Loki’s. Her skin is as pale as his, well his Aesir form anyway. She is graceful, even in sleep. For the first time since meeting this woman he feels something other than contempt for her. It is something softer, kinder, which Loki refuses to name. He looks at her flat stomach. She is not that far along yet. Soon her belly will expand and they will be able to feel the baby’s movements. His baby. Loki pulls Lilly in tighter to his body as if afraid she might somehow walk out and leave him. She knows every deep dark secret about him now, and she made love to him while he was in the form he despises most, and found him beautiful.
“What have you done to me my darling girl?” Loki whispers, kissing Lilly’s forehead. Lilly stirs in her sleep. Her eyes flutter open and she looks up at Loki.
“Hi.”
“Good morning my dear.” Loki says and leans down to kiss his little human. Lilly can still taste herself in Loki’s mouth. How dirty. Her stomach growls loudly and she giggles.
“I guess that’s our cue to get up.” Lilly says. Ah crap. Her clothes are just out of reach past the curtains. Yet another morning of avoiding naked exposure to their so called “neighbors”.
“Allow me my dear.” Loki snaps his fingers and Lilly’s pajamas appear on her body.
“Oh! That’s handy. Thank you.” Lilly hops out of bed. The breakfast tray has already arrived. Lilly decides she might as well brush her teeth and shower after. God she feels dirty, and she likes it! She can feel the sticky fluids from last night leaking out of her as she walks to the table. Is it wrong that that turns her on?
Loki joins her at the table a moment later wearing green silky pajama pants and nothing else. His bare chest is a beautiful sight to behold. He may be lean and appear skinny, but there isn’t a single plain on his body that isn’t firm with well honed muscle. Lilly notices that Loki has sex hair and quietly wonders if she does too. She must. Lilly giggles again.
“Does my hair look as wild as yours does?” Lilly smiles with her eyes full of mirth.
Loki self-consciously runs his fingers through his hair and with a little green glow of magic his hair looks immaculate, not a hair out of place.
“Hey! That is so not fair!” Now it is Loki’s turn to laugh. She looks spectacular with her hair all a mess. “What do you want to do today? I was thinking you could read to me or….maybe… you might want to dance with me?” Lilly bits her lip hoping he will say yes.
Dance? Loki knows how to dance, at least the formal dances he was taught for formal gatherings, but the kind of dancing Lilly does is sexual, powerful, and intimidating to Loki.
“You don’t want me for a dance partner, I would only step on your toes.” Loki says trying to hide a blush.
“Yes I do. I’ve seen the way you move. You are very graceful and light on your feet. You are a natural. Please. Please. It will be good exercise for you. It’s better than sitting on your butt all day. Pleaaaaaase?” Loki can’t help himself. Aside from Thor, no one has ever begged him to participate in anything before. And he hates to admit that his body is more than a little sore from last nights bed sports. He has been sitting for far too long. He sighs heavily.
“Oh all right.” Loki rolls his eyes and Lilly beams, her cheeks full of food.
After breakfast and bathing Loki and Lilly move the furniture to make more space and Lilly teaches Loki some basic stretches and dance moves. She assesses what he already knows and decides to begin with the waltz. Although it’s a shame their dance floor couldn’t be bigger for this. Oh well. They will make do, they have to. They get down to it and both are concentrating so hard that neither of them notice the guard troop gathered in front of their cell to watch the show. It must be time for shift rotation. They finish the song to a round of applause from several men.
Loki is mortified. He hates being watched like this. Lilly can tell by the look on his face that he’s about to yell at them. She cuts him off before he has a chance.
“Thank you, Thank you.” Lilly says and takes a bow for her audience. The men notice the ice cold glare Loki is shooting them and starts to disperse. Lilly undeterred decides to do something rather silly.
“Wait! Don’t go just yet. You all have to see my next dance number.” Lilly walks over to her iPod and turns the song to Pink’s: Raise Your Glass and proceeds to do every ridiculous dance move she can think of. Loki’s jaw hits the floor and guards all laugh riotously as Lilly makes an absolute and complete fool of herself in front of everyone, smiling the entire time.
When the song is over a couple of the guards look at her like she is crazy while the others laugh and exclaim what strange creatures mortals are. The men leave and Lilly turns to Loki.
“You are fearless in a way that I shall never know.” Loki says to Lilly. His look is a mixture of embarrassment, astonishment, and admiration.
“I don’t think so. You continued learning magic even after everyone made fun of you for it, and now you are one of the most powerful sorcerers in the universe. Haters are going to hate, and I’m not going to stop shining on just because some people laugh at me. You shouldn’t either.” Lilly says.
Loki is stunned. Besides his own mother, no one has ever appreciated the dedication he made to learning his craft. It is the first time anyone has ever recognized what he sacrificed and how hard he worked to become as powerful as he is. No one has ever given him such accolades, except Frigga. But she’s his mother. She doesn’t count.
Loki all but tackles Lilly as he plants a ferocious kiss on her.
“Shower.” Lilly pants and Loki and Lilly both start stumbling and stripping as they make their way towards the bathroom. The shower stall is small and really on meant to hold one person, but thankfully they are both thin and flexible enough to make the small space work. The bathroom maybe private, but it is not soundproof, a detail that Loki forgot in his haste to pleasure his wife. In fact the tiny room has really good acoustics. The next round of guards is making their sweep of the dungeons when they hear the unmistakable sound of two people have sex filling the walls of the dungeons.
“Ah! Ah God Loki it’s so big! Ah! Ah!”
Every prisoner and every guard within earshot has an erection. Neither of the guards says anything about it, but when their shift ends, both men quietly make their way to the neighborhood whore house for some relief.
Loki and Lilly fall into a new routine. They dance every morning, draw and read every afternoon, and fuck every evening. They talk a lot. They have nothing but time and each other. Visits from friends and family are few and far between. Frigga reminds Loki that he is being punished, not on vacation. Lilly cries. As Lilly’s pregnancy progresses so does her need for physical contact with Loki. She is finding it increasingly difficult to regulate her body temperature. Loki is beginning to worry. She used to only need his touch once every few hours. Now she can’t go longer than a short bathroom break without breaking into a shiver. They hold hands constantly now.
Lilly can’t dance suggestively like she used to, her belly is too big and she trips and stumbles a lot now. She also keeps dropping things. On more than one occasion she has dropped the tea pot while pouring herself a cup of tea, splashing and burning herself. Loki pours her tea for her now. Everything they do is so intimate. He holds her hand during dinner, which is awkward since they are both right handed. One of them always winds up feeding the other. It was cute the first few times, now it is kind of just a pain in the ass. Meal time takes forever now, not that time is an issue. Time is something they have in spades.
Time, however, is not their friend. With each passing week Loki and Lilly both increasingly wonder, what will happen once the baby is born? Odin has given no indication what will happen to their budding little family once the child comes. Will he still execute Loki? And would Lilly be set free or left to rot in the dungeons alone? More likely, Lilly and the child will be freed while Loki is left to rot, or die. But again, uncertainty hangs over them like a noose.
The days bleed together, each day the same as the last. They note the passage of time between days of significant difference, like when Loki’s mother came to visit. That was 3 weeks ago. Or Lilly next scheduled physical exam with the healers. That is next week.
It has been 7 months. Lilly is 7 months pregnant now. Normal human pregnancies last 9 months, but it could last longer since frost giants gestate for a year.
It has been 7 months. Seven months of only Loki for company. Seven months of him holding her hand, dancing with her, and pouring her tea. Seven months of talking, laughing, and love making; and yet no words of love. Does Loki love me? More importantly do I love him? If Odin does free us both to raise our child together how will we live? Where will we live? Despite having all day to think about these things, Lilly finds herself laying awake at night overcome with worry.
Loki lays awake as well. His eyes are closed but he is not sleepy at all. The past few months have been both wonderful and hellish. There are days when their talks turned to the subject of his invasion of Midgard and world domination. It is on those days, when Lilly won’t back down, that Loki has had to confront himself. Little by little all his excuses have fallen away under her scrutiny and all his is left with is his regret. Lilly is just an average human, like any other mortal. She is nothing special. Except she is the mother of his child and she is special to Loki. Damn it, he cares for her. In seeing her value Loki has come to see the value of all mortals.
Loki looks down at his wife and wonders if he loves her. He cares for her. He cares for the child she carries, but does he LOVE her? He doesn’t know. He is afraid of the answer.

Notes