The Deepest Longing

Thor is not known for his stealth. In fact the very idea of Thor succeeding in sneaking up on Loki is laughable to the trickster, but that is precisely what he has done. Loki and Lilly have just completed a dance set and are both thoroughly exhausted. Loki’s body looks amazing considering he’s been in a confined space for so long. His thighs are huge and his arms bulky from constantly lifting Lilly up into the air. His movements are even more fluid and graceful than before and he is smiling.
“You are much changed brother.” Thor says loudly to announce his presence. He means it. It isn’t just Loki’s physical attributes that have changed. There is a calmness about Loki’s body language, even his face. Thor hasn’t seen Loki like this since childhood. It is short lived however. The moment Thor’s voice booms through the air, Loki’s whole body stiffens as if listening to nails on a chalkboard.
“Several months in prison will change anyone.” Loki quips. “Why are you here? You haven’t visited in 3 months.”
“I have come to take Lilly to see our father. He wishes to know her private thoughts on her marriage to you.” Thor says with apprehension in his voice.
Loki was going to spit out another he’s your father not mine speech but it dies in his throat at the mention of Lilly being taken out of this cell. “You can’t. She can’t go more than a few seconds without my touch. It is too dangerous to separate us.”
“I know, which is why I have brought these.” Thor pulls out the chain and cuffs Loki sported when being brought back to Asgard.
“And then what? You want me to sick my fingers in my ears?” Loki says sarcastically.
“Something like that, yes.” Thor quips back. A detail of guards comes into the dungeon and surrounds the cell. The barrier is dropped and Thor cuffs and chains Loki. The men step down out of the cell and then both turn to assist Lilly down as well.
Loki’s heart is pounding in his chest and he looks at Lilly and tries to hide the nervousness in his eyes by smiling at her. Odin is going to ask her if he deserves to live. Lilly could very easily free herself from her marriage, from him if she begs Odin to execute him. No one would blame her. Every fight, every snarl, every snide remark Loki has made in the proceedings months floods Loki’s memory. He takes solace in the fact that he and Lilly have not fought in weeks and that they have been very sweet and tender towards each other for quite some time. But what if it was all forced. It’s not like Lilly had a choice. She was tossed into a cage with him and forced to make nice for the sake of the baby. Loki looks down at his hand that is interlaced with Lilly’s. Does she love me at all?
It has been so long since either of them have been out of that cell. The sights, the sounds, even the smells are so different compared to the tiny little cell they have been sharing. Suddenly the main hallway of the palace seems like a great cavernous expanse.
The large doors of the council room open and Loki and Lilly see Odin sitting alone at a large table waiting for them. They are both seated near him and Thor takes his leave. Some of the guards remain and though the scene appears to be a semi-private conversation, Lilly can’t help but feel that there are others listening in that she cannot see. She’s so nervous she wants to cry.
“Loki, I wished to speak with your wife alone, however, since that is not possible I am going to render you deaf and blind while I ask Lilly some questions. I’m doing this because I want her to answer honestly and without fear of backlash from you.” Odin says in a calm fatherly tone. A guard walks up behind Loki where he is seated and blindfolds him. Odin then uses his staff and casts a spell on Loki, robbing him of his sense of hearing. Loki and Lilly are still holding hands.
“Lady Lillian, as you know the time of your child’s birth draws near. At that time I must decide what is to be done with the two of you. I believe you have been sufficiently punished in regards to the crime you committed towards my son. However, I am uncertain as to what I should do with Loki. There are many in my kingdom still clamoring for his head. Others would be satisfied with leaving him in the dungeons for the rest of his days. I would ask you what you have to say on the matter.”
Lilly breaks out in a cold sweat. She realizes that she holds Loki’s life in her hands. She turns and looks at her husband, afraid to speak. “Please don’t kill him. He is the father of my child and our baby will need him as he grows up, to teach him about himself. I don’t want my child growing up as the only Frost Giant in the whole of Asgard the way Loki did. The people here will surely hate my child simply for being what he is.”
“And if I were to free the both of you to raise your child together, how and where would you live, if choice was granted you?” Odin asks with an intense gaze upon Lilly.
Lilly bites her lip in contemplation. The people back on Earth would try to kill Loki once they found out he was there, and the people in Asgard hate his guts. “I don’t know. I don’t know how Loki feels about me. I have grown to love Loki in these past few months. It is not an easy love, but a fragile one, hard fought for and cultivated in the vacuum of that prison cell. In it we have been alone with no one else and nothing else to distract us from each other. We have not had to contend with the pressures and consequences of the outside world. I don’t know if we can survive as a couple under such scrutiny. He is not the man I would have chosen for myself. He was a monster. He has done terrible things, things that just a few months locked up in a prison cell with me is not enough punishment for. I don’t want him to die and I don’t want him to rot down there either, though I wish I could think of some other way to punish him, to make him atone for his crimes. I do forgive him. There are many people back at home who would kill me for saying so, people that want Loki dead. The people here in Asgard don’t sound too keen on seeing him walking around free either. I don’t know what the solution is, but again I ask you please, do not kill my husband. I love him, very much.”
“Does Loki know you love him? Have you told him this?” Odin asks curiously.
“No I haven’t. Our future is so uncertain, I didn’t want to add to the worries and burdens he already carries. Or mine. It’s hard for me to imagine a happily ever after when I don’t know if either of us will be alive in the next few months, let alone together as a family.” Lilly says regretfully.
“Do you think Loki would genuinely repent if given the opportunity? Do you think that he truly regrets what he has done?” Odin presses.
“Yes I do. Loki is so damn proud and stupid. He would rather have everyone think him an evil monster than admit he was wrong, especially to you. But I know he regrets what he did. I know he is filled with remorse. I have seen it. Loki has had moments of such deep unrelenting honesty with me, moments when his guard was down. He told me things I don’t think he’s ever shared with anyone else. Loki hates being vulnerable. He’s been vulnerable his whole life.”
“If I offered you the choice of ending your marriage to Loki, promising that he would not be executed and that you could go home and raise your child in peace alone, would you take it?” Odin says seriously.
Lilly looks at Loki again for a long time. The silence in the room deafening. Lilly turns back to the Allfather and says, “No. No I would not.” She squeezes Loki’s hand.
“Very well. I will now have the guard blindfold you as well. I will take away your ability to hear also. I wish to speak with my son about this matter as well.”
Loki and Lilly’s roles reverse. Loki looks at his wife as a million questions and scenarios fly through his mind. Odin looks upon Loki sternly.
“Loki, as you know the birth of your child is imminent. Once the child is safely born out, neither you nor Lilly will be needed to safeguard the child’s health. There are many in Asgard still clamouring for your head…. And Lilly’s. The two of you have spent the last several months dancing, laughing, and fucking; and not showing any remorse for your actions. It is the decision of the council to execute you both. Do you have anything to say in your own defense?”
“No! No please father I beg you! Execute me if you must but do not rob my child of her mother. If the people of Asgard desire blood, tie me to the post and give me the lash before beheading me, but please do not kill her. Do not leave her in that prison cell to rot. She does not deserve it.” Loki says, as stubborn tears trickle out of his eyes.
“What is she to you, this mortal girl? Or the child for that matter? What care you for their welfare when you are gone?”
“THEY ARE ALL THAT I HAVE!” Loki screams at the Allfather. Loki is choking back the sobs that are interrupting his speech. “She is my family. I….I love her. Please do not do this!”
“Love? You do not love her. You would abandon her in a heartbeat if you got loose of these chains. Admit it!” Odin yells.
“If I got loose of these chains I would set all nine realms ablaze if that is what it would take to keep my wife and child safe! I would die for them, I would kill for them, and I would not regret it!” Loki hisses at Odin.
A quiet moment passes as Loki glares intensely at the man he once called father. Odin lets out a breath he was holding in and the features of his face soften. Odin looks upon his wayward son and says, “I believe you.”
Suddenly there are sounds emanating from the wall behind Odin. It starts to sparkle and fade as an illusion disappears revealing the members of the council, and the Avengers. Loki looks at them stunned and confused. What are the humans doing here?
Odin beckons the guard behind Lilly to remove her blindfold. Odin restores her hearing before speaking again.
“Loki, my son, It is my decision that upon the birth of your child the two of you shall be freed from your prison and banished to Midgard where you will atone for your crimes. Your appearance will be altered and you will be given a new name. You will live among the mortals as a mortal with your wife and child until such time as your wife passes away with old age. To ensure your compliance and atonement, the mortals behind me, as well as your brother Thor, will keep a watchful eye on you. These men have tasks and assignments for you to perform on Midgard in service to the mortals that you have harmed.”
Loki pulls Lilly into an embrace, fearing that Odin will change his mind and snatch her out of his arms. Lilly’s eye well up with joy. Only a couple more months to go… and she’ll get a happily ever after.

Notes

Not quite done yet...more to come.