The Deepest Longing

Steve’s fist connects with Loki’s jaw, knocking him to the ground. This rewards Steve with even more frostbite on his hands. Loki simply shakes it off and stands back up. Lilly is screaming as Pepper, Natasha, and Jane escort her to her bedroom, still clutching the spear. Thor is standing in front of Loki trying to keep the other men from landing another blow. “Let me at him Point Break, I’ll rip his God damn head off.” “I will remind all of you that Loki’s mind is not his own.” Thor yells at them, his arms up in a defensive position. Steve, Tony, and Clint are all yelling at Thor…bullshit, son of bitch, he raped her; he’s not fooling anybody… Bruce Banner is in a far corner of the room when he puts his fingers in his mouth and blows a loud whistle. “Hey does anybody want to let Loki elaborate on what he meant by the child in the womb being in distress?” All the men go quiet and turn to Loki. Loki speaks, “The child growing in her womb is of mixed genealogy. The child is half frost giant and its nutritional needs are not being met and Lilly’s body does not possess some of the minerals needed to sustain the pregnancy. Additionally, Lilly’s body temperature is too high for the comfort of the child, and the child’s temperature is too low for Lilly’s comfort. This pregnancy will be dangerous for them both. Lilly is in need of my touch.” “That…kiss, that you gave her just now, what did you do there exactly?” Steve asks with a scowl on his face. “I regulated her body temperature and that of the child’s while transferring much need minerals in my breath into her body. They are both feeling much better now.” Loki practically beams when he says this.
“If this pregnancy is so dangerous, why did you do it?” Clint asks. “I was unable to anticipate the reaction of Lilly’s body. There is no known record of a half mortal/half Jotunn having ever before been conceived. I have no way of knowing how this will turn out.” Loki says. “Then why did you do it!?” Tony yells at him. “To please my master of course. It was what she desired above all other things.” Loki says blankly. Everyone pales at this statement as they are once again reminded that Loki is not in control of his own actions. “Did she command you to do this?” Thor asks, the question sounding very obligatory. “No.” Loki says. “So you did rape her.” Steve growls. “Loki has no free will.” Thor says. “Well he sure as hell did not have her consent!” Steve shouts back at him. “Actually he did.” Clint says quietly. The other men look at Clint. Having been under the influence of the spear himself, Clint knows exactly what it feels like to be controlled by the device. “Not all the things that I did for Loki, while under his control required a direct command from him. In fact many of the things I did were based on instincts to please him and obtain his objectives. One of the few commands that Loki did give me, was to attack Natasha, something he knew I would not have done on my own unless he specifically ordered me to do so.”
Tony digests this information for a moment. Even under the spear’s control, Loki like Clint has some measure of leeway on how he goes about pleasing his master. “Hey Papa Smurf, let me ask you something. When you felt Lilly’s, eh, desire to have a baby, what options did you consider? Was fucking her the only idea that sprang to mind, or did you consider other alternatives? You know, like robbing a sperm bank, or molesting Steve?” A slightly horrified expression passes over Steve’s face before it turns back to stone. “I had considered such alternatives, but found none of you worthy.” “Worthy. Right.” Steve scoffs. “And what makes you more worthy than any of us?” Tony asks. “I, unlike all of you share the same desire as Lilly.” “WHAT!?” The men all boom in unison. Thor places his big meaty hands on Loki’s shoulders. “Loki, are you telling us you wanted to breed with her, that you want to have children?” “Yes Thor. Like Lilly I want a family of my own. A family in which I know I belong and that I know loves me. It is nothing more or less than the deepest longing of my heart.”
Lilly is wailing as she paces frantically back and forth across her room. How could this happen? All these years of being so careful, of being lonely. Avoiding men, not dating, getting her future established and secure so that she would not wind up in poverty like her sisters. She gave up her dream of being a ballet dancer and chose a profession with a steady paycheck. Her innocence, her precious first time of making love has been stolen, and she can never get it back. Now she is pregnant, knocked up. She should’ve just fucked Tommy Johnson the high school quarterback behind the gym at prom when she had the chance. Now she is just another unwed mother. And mother to what exactly? Demon spawn? What the hell is going to happen to her now? What will people say when they find out? Will they think she wanted this child? That she’s in love with Loki the Evil God that killed hundreds of New Yorkers in a bid for global domination? This is a disaster. This is bad.
Natasha, Jane, and Pepper are all sitting on Lilly’s bed watching her ping pong back and forth against the walls. “You don’t have to have the baby you know.” Natasha says bluntly. For her this is a simple equation. Eliminate the threat. Hell Lilly may not even have to do anything herself. What did Loki say about the child being in distress? Lilly glares at Natasha but says nothing. Her lips are pressed firmly together in a thin line. Everyone is thinking it. It needed to be said. Lilly never thought she would consider it, another reason she had been careful to keep her legs shut all these years. She never wanted to be in this position to make this kind of decision.
It is strange for Lilly. She doesn’t feel pregnant. In spite of herself, of the circumstances, of everything, there is a part of Lilly that is feeling an unremittent joy. It is a joy, burning like a small flame, bright and unflapping. “Were you really a virgin when Loki…..did this?” Jane asks. Tears spring to Lilly’s eyes and she is crying all over again. I was raped, wasn’t I? I didn’t consent. I didn’t ask him to do this to me. He did it while I was unconscientious. It’s like date rape. Except I am responsible for Loki. How can Loki have raped me if he has no free will? Was I asking for it? UGH! If Loki was not responsible for his own actions and I did not consent, then what the hell happened? What the hell is this called? Oh God! If Loki had no control over himself and performed sex acts on me because I wished it, could what happened be considered a rape of Loki? Loki’s mind is enslaved and I took responsibility over him when I took the spear. Could the force of this incident been on my part? Was a crime committed and if so against who exactly? What the hell happens now?
“I need to be alone for a while.” Lilly sobs. For a moment the women look at the spear sitting on the small table in Lilly’s room. “Should one of us take that?” Jane asks. “No.” says Natasha. “Everyone here is too worked up to be trusted with it. Just leave it where it is for now. We should speak with Thor about it before doing anything.” The women move to leave the room. On the way out Pepper turns to Lilly and says. “If you need anything, if you need to talk or cry, we are here for you. If you need anything at all don’t hesitate to tell Jarvis to wake us.” “Thank you Pepper.” Lilly says quietly before collapsing on the bed in a fit of gulping sobbing ugly tears.
The women trickle out of Lilly’s room and make their way back to the living room. Jane is immediately greeting by the sight of a tearful Thor, sitting on the couch sobbing with his head in his hands. Tony and Clint are both drinking heavily. Steve is just staring out the window, his arms wrapping his body as if to comfort himself. Bruce just looks sad. Actually Bruce just looks fucking heartbroken. Loki is sitting in the lounge chair looking neither upset nor happy. He is still blue, though. The cold radiating off of him is filling the room. Pepper is the first to realize this. “Hey Loki, why don’t you turn back to your normal appearance for now. I think Lilly is fine now.” Loki doesn’t reply verbally but slowly the blue of his skin recedes to pink and red of his eyes glow bright blue again.
Jane sits beside Thor to comfort him. This is his entire fault. He shirked his responsibility and now a young woman has been irreparably harmed. Worse still, Loki acted out the way he did because he felt unloved and without family. If Loki stabbing him in the ribcage with one of his favorite little daggers during the battle hadn’t been a big enough hint, this was a clear indication that Thor’s relationship with Loki is clearly unsalvageable. Thor is beside himself. He knows not what else to do to show Loki how much he loves and cares for him. Loki refuses to accept his brother’s love. Loki is so blind to it, that he reached out to Lilly, a mortal woman that has complete control over him, in a strange attempt at starting over. Loki has washed his hands of Thor, and the rejection Thor feels is palpable.
Pepper walks over to Steve and Bruce, the two bachelors in the place with no women to comfort them. In other circumstances it might have been Lilly comforting Steve, but that won’t happen now. “How is she?” Steve asks. “She’s a wreck. We won’t get anything out of her tonight. She won’t accept comfort and she’s not up for making any decisions either. For tonight it is probably best to leave her alone and let her be broken.” Steve and Pepper talk at length while Bruce listens silently. Steve knows someone has to contact Fury and tell him what happened. Judging by the number of scotches Tony has downed, it’ll be up to Steve to make that phone call.
Natasha walks up to Clint and Tony with a look in her eye that Hawkeye knows all too well. “What did Loki tell you?” She asks. Natasha can count on one hand the number of times she has seen Clint rattled, and this is one of them. Whatever Loki said out here to the men, it was one hell of a ball buster. Thor, for all his bravado is an emotional guy, but Clint and Tony are drinking their tears away, unsuccessfully. Clint relays the exchange of words the men had with Loki to Natasha. Natasha is stunned. She almost feels sorry for the murderous bastard. Almost. No wonder his brother is crying like a little girl. “How do we know that Loki is being completely controlled by the spear? What is he is slightly immune to it somehow?” Natasha asks. “Trust me he’s not.” Clint says. “I know what it felt like and Loki is acting the same way. He’s not faking it.” Natasha shakes her head. It is not enough proof for her. She wishes she could be more certain. If only they had surveillance foot of the rape. “Tony, did Jarvis record anything that night?” “Jarvis would only have footage of the common areas, not Lilly or Loki’s rooms.” Tony lies. Tony does have cameras in all the bedrooms, he just doesn’t want everyone to know that. Besides, if Jarvis did record the incident, he’d rather not share the footage with every Curious George that is currently residing in the tower.
After about another hour, everyone is either too cried out or too drunk to stay conscious. Thor tells Loki to go to his room and stay there no matter what, not that it is a real command. Technically Lilly still has the control over him, but that issue will be figured out in the morning. Tony and Pepper get on the elevator. Pepper reaches out to push the button for the penthouse, but Tony catches her hand. He then presses the button that takes them to the lab level instead. They get off the elevator and go into the lab. “Jarvis, are there any recordings of any activities from Lilly’s room the first night she came here?” The AI chimes in, “Yes sir, some sexual activity was recorded at about 1:10 am.” “Why did you not alert me to this unusual activity before?” “Since when is sex an unusual activity in Stark Tower?” The AI quips back. Right. Damn. “Show me the footage.” “Wait! Tony stop. We can’t do this. We can’t watch that tape.” “Pepper we have to. I have to. I have to know if what he did to her…was he in control at all?” A sick feeling fills her gut. She knows he’s right, but it doesn’t take away the feeling she has that she is violating Lilly for a second time. “Jarvis, continue the feed.”
Tony and Pepper watch the footage in silence. They watch as Loki walks through the wall. They watch him crawl onto the bed. They watch him move his hands and chant words over her body. They watch him remove her shorts. Tony swallows hard. Normally Tony gets off on being voyeuristic, but the more he watches this the sicker he feels. They watch Loki bend her legs back and eat her pussy. Pepper keeps looking away, too disgusted and horrified to keep her eyes on the screen. They watch him remove the rest of her clothes and his. DEAR GOD! HIS COCK! Jesus Christ! They watch him as he breaks her open. Pepper turns to leave, but Tony grabs her hand. He needs another witness, because when they are done watching this, it is going to be destroyed. These images will never see the light of day. Loki climaxes and collapses on top of Lilly and that is when Tony sees it. The look on Loki’s face. It is not the placid smile he’s been carrying. It is not lust, nor love, nor hatred, nor malice, nor guilt. The look on Loki’s face is one of deep unrelenting horror. His eyes are twisted in pain, and there is a tear rolling down Loki’s cheek. The look is in Loki’s eyes for only a moment and then it is gone. Replaced by the blank stare he’s been carrying around since the battle. Tony turns to the waste basket and vomits.

Notes

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