I watch the soldier in front of me. His eyes scan the room, looking everywhere but directly at me. He doesn’t want to talk, clearly pointed that out with a devil may care attitude. He was only sitting here because his commanding officer is forcing him. I’m not going to make him talk, but if he thinks he’s going to get out of these sessions scotch free, he’s got another thing coming. He’s commanding officer is tough, I should know. He’s my older brother.

“Sargent Mathers, you’re commanding officer expects me to have somethingwritten by the end of this session so are you going to talk? Or do I have to tell him that you refuse to talk and he’ll make it harder on you.”

“Why do you care about how I feel?” He spits, “it’s not like you’ve seen the horrors yourself. You’ve never been in a firefight or have been out on the frontlines. How can you possibly sit there and act like you care what seeing all of that has done to my mind?”

“I have three older brothers, all of which served time.” I explain. “Malcolm is a Navy Seal, Travis is a Marine and Trevor is your commanding officer. I’ve heard the stories and I’ve seen the thousand-yard stare. I’ve seen the abuse of alcohol and drugs and I’ve dealt with being pushed away. Sure I haven’t been in a firefight but people I love have. I’m not here to help just you, but you’re mom. She came to my brother, worried about you. I’m here to help her get her goddamn son back. I’m one of the few people that know exactly how it feels to be pushed away by a soldier; the one you love.”

He remains quiet. Looks at me in awe, as if a female has never talked back to him in his life.

“Care to start talking now, Sargent Mathers?”

“Ben.” He says before licking his lips. “Call me Ben…”

“Still not talking?” Sam asks, coming in after James’ morning session.

“Nope.” I reply, grabbing my purse off my desk. “Ready for lunch?”

“Sure.” He smiles as we head out of my office; locking it up behind me..

The ride to our usual restaurant is quiet. The only noise is the sound of Sam’s stereo playing Marvin Gaye. I look out at the passing scene from the car window. The silence isn’t awkward but comforting. That’s usually how it is with Sam.

“Getting worried that Barnes won’t open up to you?” Sam questions, breaking the silence.

“You know I can’t really talk about patients.”

“This is different and you know it.” He points out.

“Sam, he doesn’t know who he is; how do you expect him to trust another person to talk to?” I ask. “How can you trust someone else if you barely trust yourself?”

“You’re worried that he’ll end up being like Ben?”

“No, I don’t.” I reply. “He’s nothing like Ben. He’s too damaged, too lost. He’s surprisingly not angry enough to turn out to be like Ben. Ben knew what he was doing and did it anyway. James didn’t know, still doesn’t know. He has a severe case of amnesia; the worst I’ve seen.”

“Steve didn’t tell you what happened to him, did he?”

“He was brainwashed by Hydra,” I sigh, “but before that he had to have had amnesia. Programming can only do so much. Plus it makes it easier to focus on him if I don’t see him as Hydra’s ultimate weapon.”

“Why are you so gun-ho about helping him?”

“Besides the fact that Captain America asked me?” I chuckle, “he’s a war hero and doesn’t even realize it or remember it. That exhibit can only tell so much. James needs to remember it for himself and see that he’s not only a killing machine. He’s a hero in his own right. Sure it won’t erase the things Hydra did to him but it’ll prove he isn’t all that bad.”

Notes

Erin

fact: the working title for this story was People are Strange but I changed it to Good Man because I felt the song Good Man by Devour the Day fit more than People are Strange by The Doors.

And I know, no James and Erin interaction in this chapter. But I wanted to show you more of Ben and the reason why Erin wants to really help James. Plus her and Sam are my brotp. ha.