Love The One You're (NOT) With

Sif sits in the garden and gulps her ale in silence. The Warriors Three are there with her. Everyone is afraid to speak. No one knows what to say to one another. Thor and Sif broke up because Thor harbors incestuous feelings for his little brother, and now both of them are gone on a “hunting trip” together, alone. Volstagg looks traumatized. What the hell are the King and Queen thinking? They know about Thor’s feelings and let their children go anyway.

Sif feels the tension in the air. All of her friends are thinking the same thing, and all of them are WRONG. They don’t have all the facts. Sif promised the Queen that she would not share Loki’s secret, but if she doesn’t tell them, they are going to continue thinking the worst about the royal family. Sif makes a decision.

“There is something I need to tell all of you and you must NOT repeat it.” Sif says. The three men eye her wearily. They are afraid she is going to drop yet another bombshell, like the King is secretly a woman, or that Thor also lusts for sheep.

“Loki is adopted. He’s Jotun, actually. At the end of the last great war, Odin found a discarded Jotun runt and brought it home. They used magic to camouflage Loki’s natural appearance, and raised him as their own.” Sif lets the information sink in slowly. The three men all breathe a sigh of relief.

“Praise the Norns!” Volstagg bellows. Fandral smiles. Even Hogun looks less grim.

“There’s more. Loki has a choice. He can either remain as he has always been, or he can marry Thor, but to do so Odin would have to disown him. Loki would also have to show his true form in public so that the people will know that they are truly not brothers. If Loki refuses Thor it will break his heart.”

“Disown him? That’s a bit harsh isn’t it?” Fandral asks.

“No lad, it is necessary. They were raised as brothers, so the idea of them marrying each other is going to be scandalous no matter how the royal family handles the situation. Disowning him will simply decrease the outcry, but not entirely remove it.”

“I don’t see Loki making such a sacrifice for Thor. I don’t think he even remotely feels that way for Thor.” Fandral says.

“Aye. We are going to have a heartbroken thunder god on our hands.” Volstagg agrees.

“Perhaps not. They have been gone for two days. Things could be going well.” Fandral says.

“I doubt it.” Says Sif. A depressed silence overtakes the group. With nothing left to say to each other Volstagg and Hogun excuse themselves from the lady’s presence. Fandral lingers. He sits down on the bench next to her.

“Sif, I’ve been meaning to ask, how are you?”

“I’m hurting but I will be alright. I want to hate Thor, but cannot bring myself to. He was trapped with no way out. He tried to conduct himself the way everyone expected him to. I just wish it had not gone on for as long as it did. I thought I was going to marry him. I gave him my heart only to discover that he is not even attracted to me. If not for Queen Frigga, I doubt I would have any hope at all.” A tear falls from Sif’s cheek.

“What do you mean?” Fandral asks.

“Oh, Queen Frigga said that things played out the way they were supposed to and that love is closer than I can know. I can only assume that I will meet someone soon.” Sif says with a small smile on her face.

Fandral hears her words and a great dread uncurls in his gut. No. She cannot meet someone else!

“Sif, I don’t think it is someone NEW she was referring to. She said, ‘love was close’. It IS closer than you can know.” Fandral leans in.

Sif looks up into Fandral’s eyes and freezes. What?

“But you… you’ve never said anything! You’ve never approached me. You sleep with a different woman every ni….”

“…and they all have your face Sif. I sleep with a different woman every night because I can’t have the one I really want. You’ve had eyes for Thor since we were young. How could I ever possibly hope to compete?” Fandral says with desperation in his voice. This is it, his moment, his one shot. It is now or never. Either Sif will accept him or turn him away.
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Loki strokes the pelt that Thor had acquired for him during their little hunting trip. Loki had demanded a token of him, and since they had done little actual hunting, Loki decided to make it interesting. Thor had been prepared to slay a dragon, or a bilgesnipe, but Loki had demanded the pelt of a stripped stink badger instead. Thor had been unfamiliar with what those were, until this morning. Small little creatures of black and white coloring, they are not actually native to Asgard. Loki can’t recall what world they originate from. Their small pelts and stripped coloring are ideal for purse making. Loki plans to ask Frigga to make him something with it.

He had to remove the stench from the pelt with his magic, though. He had to use it to remove the smell from Thor too. Loki smiles at Thor. Thor smiles back, though Loki doubts Thor will agree to fetch any more “Tokens of Love”, at least for a while. After the stench had covered their entire encampment, they mutually agreed it was time to go home. In this case, Loki’s little prank had sort of backfired on himself. The smell had been awful. They needed to inform their parents of their decision anyway. They have been gone all of three days. Loki shifts in his saddle. He is sore everywhere. Their entire second day of “hunting” had been nothing but lovemaking, talking, talking, and lovemaking.

They had even made love in the creek, having gone there to wash away the evidence of their first round of lovemaking. Thor sat on the bank drying off, and when Loki came up out of the water just like he did all those years ago, Thor couldn’t resist. They made love in broad daylight out in the open. The secluded location had been the only thing ensuring their privacy.

Loki now knows with certainty that he can never be without Thor. Even if he were to deny Thor now, he cannot deny the needs and desires of his own body. Loki prefers men. He knows now, that he always has. He is Jotun, and they are all male in appearance on the exterior anyway.
Loki thinks about his Jotun form. He is terrified. The thought of anyone else besides Thor seeing him in his natural state fills him with dread. Loki needs to talk to Frigga.

He hasn’t spoken to her since all this began, and is in need of her guidance. Thor and Loki have spent the last 48 hours rutting like beasts. He feels sexually satisfied, and yet…not. Loki has this aching need he can’t describe. It isn’t lust, or an emotional need. He feels a need to be with Thor intimately, like his body is screaming for…something. It isn’t for lack of orgasms. Loki cannot name this desire, this aching need. Hopefully his mother will have some insight.

The closer they get to home the more rigid the pair become. The last couple of days have made it easy to forget that, outside of the family, no one knows their secret. Even Sif doesn’t have all the details, so far as they know. Their 3 warrior friends know nothing outside of the fact that Thor lusts for Loki. They will need to sit their friends down and clarify the situation lest they think the worst of them both.

They arrive inside the palace grounds and pass their horses off to the stable boys. Loki is going to talk to his mother while Thor finds their friends and explains things. Loki finds Frigga in the private royal garden.

“Mother! There you are. I have missed you. I brought you something.” Loki says, holding up the skunk pelt.

“I see.” Frigga says with a twinkle in her eyes. “Poor Thor. Does he still smell?”

“No, I took care of that.” Loki laughs.

“You look happy my son.”

“I am happy mother. Thor and I, we….we…” Loki isn’t sure how to finish the sentence without blushing.

“I know my dear. You needn’t say anything. You are practically glowing with joy.”

“Mother I need to ask you something. I think there might be something wrong with me…sexually.” Loki says embarrassed.

“Oh? How so?” Frigga asks with concern.

“Thor and I made love several times and Thor is….wonderful. I’ve never felt such pleasure in my life, but….I feel like there is this hole inside of me now. I feel like something is missing and my body keeps screaming for Thor, to make love again. Like I have this physical need to couple with him, and it’s not lust or love… I simply cannot describe the sensation. I don’t have a name for it.”

“Oh Loki!” Frigga laughs. “You are describing the pain of an empty womb! You’ve awakened a part of your anatomy and it is screaming to be used. Do not fret; it is only natural for someone of your age that is childless.”

“What? You are telling me that I WANT to be PREGNANT?!”

“Your biological clock is ticking Loki.” Loki bursts into tears at his mother’s words. His whole world has changed so much in the last few days. It is the last straw. Loki can handle no more world shattering revelations.

“I’m afraid mother. Why? Why must everyone see me in my Jotun form? Isn’t being disowned enough for the mob? Must I be ostracized as well?” Loki sobs into his mother’s lap.

“I’m sorry my child but there is no other way. People have thought of you and Thor as being brothers for so long, they will never accept your union if they do not see the proof that the two of you are truly not related.” Loki already knew this, but it doesn’t mean he is happy about it.

“What makes you think they will accept our union at all? The very idea that Thor will be married to a little ergi blue man is laughable. They will all laugh at me. They will all know that Thor takes me every night like a woman.” Loki cries.

“And what is wrong with that? Loki-you have a womb! I know the people of Asgard can be cruel. They respect strength above all else. You are Jotun and desiring a male form is only natural for you. The people, I have no doubt, WILL call you ergi. Show them that you are strong. Show them that you are a force to be reckoned with. Do not be afraid to be who you are! Thor is not afraid. He knows the people will call him ergi too.”

“Thor will simply smash in their heads with Mlonjir.” Loki sniffles.

“Of that I have no doubt.”

Notes