Aftermath

Thor kicks back and drinks down another Midgardian beer. He misses home. He misses his mother. He misses Loki.
Loki.
Thor has been staying with the other Avengers in Stark Tower since the invasion. Today is the one year anniversary and the city mourns again. There is still untold damage everywhere throughout the city. The others might have chalked up Thor’s sour mood to the anniversary….if he hadn’t already been in this same mood for the last three months. He hasn’t been himself since the spider incident and no one knows why. Tony surmises that Thor finally got sick of Loki’s shit and has given up him as a brother. After all, Tony hasn’t heard Thor refer to Loki as his brother since then. He noticed.
Tony feels sorry for the poor thunder god. He downs his sour whiskey and turns on some lite party music. Nobody feels like celebrating anything. Loki is still walking around free and unpunished for his crimes. People are still suffering from the devastation to the city. Lives were lost.
Natasha and Clint are on the sofa playing a new video game. The Avenger’s video game. Natasha and Clint are playing as themselves, and fighting the game’s main villain, Loki. Of course the video game Loki doesn’t look very much like the real Loki. Most of the footage on him is grainy or was taken while he was moving at high speeds. Clint is currently bashing Loki’s head in. Tony notices that Thor is watching the screen with a depressed look on his face. He leans over the back of the couch to whisper to Natasha.
“Hey you guys might want to switch to something else. Point Break looks like he is going to cry.”
Natasha hits save and looks over her shoulder at Thor. Something is definitely wrong. Natasha gets up and moves to sit at the table next to Thor.
“I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have been playing that stupid game in front of you. It was rude. We all know how much you love your brother, in spite of everything.” Natasha says apologetically.
“He’s not my brother.” Thor whispers. Natasha’s eyes go wide. She is about to press him further on this new development when Jarvis chimes in.
“Sir, Prince Loki is sitting on your balcony.”
“What!” Everyone shouts in unison. They are all on their feet with weapons in hand in a matter of seconds. No doubt Loki is here to celebrate the anniversary of the destruction of the city, that sick son of a bitch. They all pile out the sliding glass door with their weapons poised for action. Loki is sitting on one of the padded benches looking out over the city. Immediately Natasha notices that something is off about Loki. He looks…..worn out. He looks his usual self, well put together, menacing, and yet he looks just so damn tired. It’s the eyes. He actually looks defeated.
“What do you want?!” Steve yells.
“I need to speak with Thor. Alone.” Loki looks at Thor and his eyes express volumes that words cannot. Thor swallows audibly.
“Bullshit. Anything you have to say to Thor you can say to us, preferably while in a prison cell.” Tony quips.
“Very well…Thor…if you are comfortable about me speaking about this in front of your friends then I shall do so.” Loki threatens.
“Speak to him about what?” Steve asks. Steve looks at Thor in confusion. Loki’s words imply that Thor should already know why Loki is here and what the conversation is going to be about. But no one in the group has seen or heard from Loki in months.
“No! My friends….Loki and I….need to talk. Privately please.” Thor says.
“Like hell! Thor there is no way we are leaving you alone with him.” Clint states. Loki rolls his eyes. That’s rich! They are afraid of Thor being alone with me. Thor looks at his comrades and sees that they are not about to grant their request. Quick as a flash, Thor snatches up Loki and flies off the roof with Mjolnir to find a place to talk.
“Where the fuck is he going?! Where the fuck is he taking him?!” Tony yells in anger. “Jarvis!”
“Yes sir?”
“Scan the city’s surveillances, bank cameras, building cameras, traffic cameras, everything! I want footage from the nearest camera of wherever those two touch down.” Tony orders.
“Yes sir, compiling.” Jarvis runs his systems search of the entire city. After a couple of minutes he chimes back in. “Found them sir, they are on top of a building with security cameras. Unfortunately audio is not available.” The AI informs them.
“That’s okay, display what you’ve got.” Tony says. The rest of the Avengers gather around the television to watch Thor and Loki’s secret discussion.
Thor touches down on top of a nearby building rooftop. The lets go of Loki who takes a few steps away from Thor, distancing them. His back is turned to Thor and a moment of silence passes before either of them speaks.
“Do you know what you’ve done to me?” Loki asks in a dark menacing whisper.
“Loki, I am so sorry I violated you. I lost control in a fit of rage, and I knew immediately after that what I did was wrong. I tried to make up for it. I …”
“I DON’T CARE about the RAPE! A revenge fuck I can understand. An angry adrenaline battle lust filled hate fuck I can understand. I can even understand the apologetic cock sucking after. Because you’re just so damn noble. But WHY? WHY after that did you MAKE LOVE to me? Brotherly affection doesn’t explain THAT away! You’ve had to have harbored those feels for me for quite a long time to do that to me! For how long Thor? Years? The whole of our lives?”
“Loki I…”
“How could you? How could you pour so much love and affection into me after everything I’ve done to you? How can you show me such devotion and tenderness and give me a glimpse….a hope…for something you and I can never have! I’m ruined Thor! All I want now is to feel that feeling again, with you, and I CAN’T. You and I can never be together in that way, because of all the things I have done. You are CRUEL!” Loki turns his back on Thor and wraps his arms around his waist to hold himself. He is trying to hide the tears unsuccessfully.
Thor stands there for a moment staring at Loki’s back. He has loved Loki as more than a brother for far longer than any can know. He buried his feelings deep, long ago, because they were wrong, and because Thor knew that they would only serve to torment him. Only recently did the possibility open for Thor and Loki to be together in that way. He tried to tell Loki the truth, the whole truth, back when he first landed on earth and snatched Loki from the airplane. He was about to confess his true feelings to Loki, when Tony hit him with that blast and interrupted him. And then Captain America showed up. And then Loki and Thor never got a private moment alone after that. There was just never an opportunity.
Thor walks up to Loki, still facing away from him, and places his hands on Loki’s shoulders.
“It is not too late Loki. Even now there could be a way for the two of us. We could be together. The Allfather would forgive you if you would just repent an.....” SLAP! Loki spins around and slaps Thor hard in the face.
“REPENT? Are you mad? I’ve killed people Thor! I tried to kill off my own entire race! I’ve killed children…..” Loki falls to his knees in a fit of tears. For the first time, he feels genuine guilt for all he has done. Damn pregnancy hormones. Loki’s head is in his hands as he sobs uncontrollably. Thor stands there dumbly, not sure what to do.
“Loki…?”
“Just leave me alone Thor.” Loki says before disappearing in a wisp of green smoke.
____________________

Everyone watches as the conversation plays out. No one knows what they are talking about but the vibe everyone is getting from it is weirding them out. Loki’s body language, movements, and demeanor are reminiscent of a jilted lover. The way he hugs himself…is Loki crying?
“Holy shit!” Tony bellows.
“Loki just slapped him.” Steve blurts.
“…and he just stood there and took it.” Bruce says.
“Why does THOR look guilty?” Clint asks.
“..annnnnd GREAT! Loki’s gone. Thor let him get away. Again.” Tony complains. What the fuck is wrong with Thor?
“Everybody clam up. He’s back.” Steve says.
“Jarvis end transmission.” Says Tony.
“Yes sir.”
Thor lands on the balcony and walks into the living room. Everyone stands there awkwardly. Their desire for knowledge bounces between nosy curiosity and a need for intelligence. Thor’s eyes are red and puffy and there are tear tracks on his face.
“You know buddy… if you want…”
“I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.” Thor booms. He snatches the six-pack off the kitchen counter and storms down the hall to his room and slams the door.
“Guys, I didn’t want to be the one to say this, but that looked like a couple of lovers breaking up, not a fight between brothers. Did anyone else get that vibe?” Clint asks.
“Yeah. Totally.” Bruce agrees. Steve scowls. Incest? Homosexuality? Fraternizing with the enemy?
“Thor is a liability.” Steve states.
“Isn’t that a little harsh?” Says Bruce.
“No. Not really. Not after what we just saw. These guys are thousands of years old. Thor and Loki might be brothers but they don’t act like it. Thor has never really explained Loki’s reasons for attacking Earth beyond some childish bid for power, jealousy, and revenge. What if there is more to it than that?”
“What are you saying Nat? Do you think they are fucking?” Tony asks her.
“I think they are fucking.” Natasha states. Clint nods and Bruce nod in agreement. Steve looks traumatized.
“Or were.” Tony adds. “So who wants to ask Blonde about it in the morning?”
Nobody volunteers.
“There’s just one thing that is bothering me.” Clint says.
“What’s that?” Nat asks.
“Thor took that slap like he deserved it. Like he wronged Loki somehow. Sooooo….. How did he wrong him?”
______________________

Loki throws the lamp at the wall and watches it smash into a million pieces. Then he throws a vase, and then dishes. He had hoped for Thor to be cruel. He had hoped that Thor would hate him, even be disgusted by him. But Thor offered the very thing Loki feared he would; he offered Loki everything he wanted. Repent? It was a laughable suggestion. Thor is living in a fantasy world if he thinks all will be forgiven if Loki simply says he sorry. Which he is not. Admitting he is sorry would mean that he was wrong and that he feels guilty. It would mean that he is every inch the monster he fears that others think him to be. He is NOT a monster! He is a noble prince worthy of his own Kingdom! Worthy of his own world to rule! Monsters are blue skinned red eyed freaks that mothers frighten their children with. They are the creatures that hide under beds to eat and kill children. Monsters kill children.
Loki collapses in a fit of despair. Loki has killed children. Indirectly. They were simply collateral damage from the invasion. And the Jotun people also. Loki knows that their children were killed as well when he turned the Bifrost on their world. He wanted to kill all of them, down to the last infant. Directly.
Loki falls deeper into depression and for another 3 months, he eats ice cream, watches T.V., and gets fat. Well, around the middle at least. For 3 months he wallows and whines. He fights with himself, yells at the mirror, and has nightmares. Slowly Loki comes to terms with the incredible wrong that he has done. With each passing day his belly grows.
Loki can feel the life inside him vibrantly now and his thoughts slowly turn from himself to that of his child. Thor’s child. Thor still doesn’t know. Loki never mentioned it during their last fight. Loki looks out upon the city and wonders what kind of future his child will have. It won’t be raised in Asgard, though it is the heir to the throne. At least, not so long as Loki is raising it. Evading capture is more important than ever. Loki knows that he loves this child. He loves it with his whole heart. His heart would shatter into a million pieces if he were ever separated from it. He needs to find a way to reduce that risk. He can only hide for so long, and in all likelihood it is here on Midgard, in this very city where he will raise his child. If ever the day should come when he is brought before the Allfather for judgment, Loki will need whatever good will he can gather to stave off an execution that would deprive his child of his mother. Thor was right. Loki must repent.

Notes