To Be Reborn The Butterfly

It is still winter in New York City and the air is still crisp, but with the holidays over and the snow turned grey from deicer, the cheerfulness of the season is gone. Everyone is ready for it to be spring already, except for Loki. She loves the cold. Steve is selected to Loki-sit the first day and he decides to take Loki to the Guggenheim. The building is strange but its form serves a practical purpose. After careful consideration Loki decides she likes it. The art at the museum is nothing like the art in Asgard. The art in the palace was all very formal and served the purpose of relating Asgard’s history. The art here is more abstract and gives the viewer the option to interpret and just feel whatever emotion the artist tries to invoke.
Steve is surprised to find that he genuinely enjoys Loki’s company. Far from the giant toddler that she was just a few short months ago, he finds an intelligent woman with a strong opinion and inquisitive mind. They conclude the tour and afterwards they both hit up an art supply store. Steve encourages Loki to take up painting and drawing. He can even teach her some rudimentary techniques. He instructs her on which supplies she’ll need and leaves the store with several large bags in hand. Steve helps her carry some of them.
There are moments throughout the day when Steve is reminded that Loki is still very much a child and most definitely not human. She asks about the traffic lights, and about hot dogs, and about the police officers she sees walking about every so often. She asks about the destruction she sees and if she was the one responsible. Steve fumbles for words that will be diplomatic and spare her feelings, but the short answer to her question is yes. They pass by a shelter for orphaned children and Loki bursts into tears.
“Take me home.” She says quietly. They arrive at Stark Tower just in time for dinner. Bruce and Natasha are home. Clint is off on assignment. Tony is in his lab tinkering with god knows what. Pepper isn’t home yet. Everyone is scattered to different areas and working on their own thing. Steve decides this is an opportunity for Loki to learn a new skill.
“Have you ever cooked anything before?” He asks her.
“No, the servants took care of everything.” She says.
“Well there aren’t any servants here. You need to learn some basic cooking skills if you are going to live here on Earth.”
“Oh. Okay.” She says. Loki takes her art supplies to her room real quick and then comes back to the kitchen to join Steve. Steve pulls out a package of hamburger, a couple cans of marinara, and a box of spaghetti noodles. He shows Loki the stove and explains to her how it works. He shows her where all the different pots, utensils, and plates are located before showing her how to brown the meat.
Steve pulls out a cutting board and pulls the lettuce and tomatoes from the fridge. They don’t have a nice loaf of French bread so Steve opts to use a loaf of plain white bread and make individual slices of garlic bread. It works. Steve shows her how to check the pasta for doneness and to strain the water with a colander. The smells from the kitchen waft through the air and by the time they are done cooking the meal the rest of their roommates are hovering near the dinner table. Except for Clint. He volunteered for some assignment and won’t be back for several days. Everyone else is actually relieved by his absence. The group settles down for dinner. Loki is proud to have helped make such a large meal.
“The food is good Loki. You did a good job.” Natasha offers. Bruce and Tony nod in agreement.
“I had a good teacher.” Loki beams at Steve. Steve smiles back.
“So how did your tour of the city go?” Bruce asks. Loki tells everyone all about the art museum and the art store and the hot dog stand Steve told her to never buy food from. Her face is lit up like a bright beacon until she remembers the destruction and the shelter. Then Loki gets really quiet.
“Loki, we’ve been meaning to ask you…do you remember any of it.” Steve asks.
“No. My family had to describe everything about my former life.” She says quietly.
“Thor described to us how Lo…how the old you was executed. He said your flesh was shredded and then reformed and remade into you. That all your past memories….and past sins where taken from you. I know it is hard to look forward instead of back when the evidence of who you were is everywhere around you, but…. Looking forward is what you need to do. You should not feel guilty or responsible for what happened. It had nothing to do with you, with who you are now. Do you understand?” Steve asks.
“How can you say such a thing? Thor told me of some of the things I did to all of you, though he left out a lot of specifics. I know I hurt all of you. How can you say such things to me?”
“You’re just a kid. A sweet and innocent kid. Looking back is counterproductive, and in fact could turn you into the very thing you hate and fear, your old self.” Bruce says.
“He’s right. You need to focus on you and your future, not your past. That is why you came here isn’t it?” Natasha says. Loki looks at all of them and then looks at Tony, who has yet to speak on the matter.
“Just promise me you won’t throw me out the window and we won’t have any problems.” Tony says.
“I threw you out a window?” Loki says with tears in her eyes.
“Yep. That one.” Tony points to it. “Now you know and now you can stop wondering about how you wronged me. I still have nightmares at night about it but I’m still here and so are you. Steve is right. You aren’t going to get better if you keep dwelling on this shit.” Tony finishes and takes a deep drink of his scotch.
“Thank you for your honesty and thank you for taking me in. I know you didn’t have to.” She says with a smile. She looks at Tony for a minute. Something is not right. “Tony? What are you holding back from me?” Tony blinks at her in surprise. “You….you want something from me. What is it?”
“Damn, you are perceptive. Well, since you are asking…I was wondering about all those books you brought with you. Would you be able to translate those into English? Some of them looked interesting to me.”
“Consider it done.” Loki says. Dinner concludes. Steve and Loki clean up in the kitchen and Steve explains to her how the dishwasher and garbage disposal works. The group all settle into the living room and Tony decides now would be a great time to put on some culturally relevant movies. The first one is Avatar. Tony couldn’t help himself. Then Tony puts on The Princess Bride. Loki laughs at how cheesy the fight scenes are. Her favorite scene is poison scene. The little bald man is her favorite character. She lets out a disappointed “awe” when he keels over dead. By the time the movie ends everyone is yawning and ready for bed.
Loki goes to her room and decides she’d like a bath. She looks at the faucets and remembering how the kitchen sink faucets work, figures this one out in no time. She gives herself a leisurely scrub down before getting out and dressing for bed. She falls asleep and dreams of blue skinned creatures, and kidnapped princesses, and of snow.
It is 2:03a.m. when Tony is awoken out of a sound sleep by Jarvis. There is a disturbance in Loki’s room.
“On screen.” Tony says. The video feed from Loki’s room comes on. She is still in bed, but she is trashing about, clearly still asleep. Her skin is blue again and her entire room looks like it is covered in a layer of ice.
“Holy shit.” Tony runs out of his room and dashes to Loki’s. He bursts through the door and WHAM! Slips and falls on his ass. He lets out a great yell which wakes Steve who comes running. Steve scuttles by Tony who is still lying on the floor grunting.
“Loki….Loki wake up. Loki.” Steve touches Loki with his bare hands and is rewarded with frostbite for his trouble. The touch of his gentle fingers works, however, and Loki is roused from her sleep. Loki awakens to a ruined bedroom and two injured men. The guilt is overwhelming.
“I’m sorry.” She cries as she changes back to her Aesir form.
“Loki, it’s alright. Tony and I will be fine. We were just worried about you. You had a nightmare.” Steve says as he helps Tony up. Tony isn’t even trying to pretend that he’ll be okay. He’s old damn it! He’s 50. The three of them file out of Loki’s bedroom and make their way to the kitchen.
“Here. Let me heal the both of you.” Loki says. Tony eyes her wearily, but when the green light from Loki’s palms touch his back the blissful healing sensation banishes all reluctance from his mind. He feels the warm tingling sensation flow through to the rest of his body too. It feels like heaven, hell it’s pleasurable. Uh-oh.
“Ah… that…that’s enough. I’m all better now.” Tony says as he runs away from Loki.
“Are you sure? I could…”
“Yep all better. You can move to the guest room across the hall until morning. Good night!”
“Good night.” She says quizzically. What got into him? “Your turn.” She says to Steve with a smile. Loki takes his hand in hers and watches as the frostbite recedes. Steve’s breath hitches as he feels a stirring in his neither regions.
“Thank you Loki. I’m all patched up.” Dirty diapers, infected wounds, Nick Fury naked. Loki naked. Shit. “Will you be alright?” Steve asks with a shaky voice.
“Yes I’ll be fine. Getting rid of the ice in my room won’t be a problem.” Loki says.
“Do you need to talk about it?” Steve asks.
“No. It is late and can wait until morning.” Loki says.
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
“Okay.”

Notes