We´re going nowhere

“The next time you´ll better talk, or we´ll find other ways to hurt you.”
The guards threw me into my cell where I lay still till the deeper meaning of those words hit me. Panicked I crawled to my brother, my muscles still twitching from the electro shocks they gave me. I was pushed down by a boot while they took him. A look of horror crossed his eyes because we both knew he was weak and close to giving up. “Don´t” I whispered “He doesn´t know anything, please don´t…” But the guards ignored me and dragged him away “Mativ. Mativ!MATIV! Just hold on, it will be over soon I promise!” I screamed as he tried to struggle himself out of the guards arms. He looked terrified as we were separated by the cell doors which were closing behind him. Suddenly I had no strength left and lay down on the cold concrete. Although I was exhausted I couldn’t fall asleep because the screams coming down the corridor were obviously Mativ´s.
A year had passed since they captured us. It had not taken long before they found out about my great weakness- electricity. When this terrible thing raced through my body I was not able to control my body or my mind. All my thoughts and feelings were being destroyed and by that I could not concentrate on the minds of others. It was an awful feeling, being so weak. But I never told them anything. I just sat, or stood or lay on the floor while they electrocuted me but not even a scream would pass my lips. Not only for my brothers sake but also for my own. I would never give them the satisfaction to hear my cries of pain because at that point I would´ve been broken. But my brother was already broken. He was holding on the first three months till they found his weakness…Still he wouldn’t tell them anything. I think it was his pride which made Mativ stand his ground.
After what felt like hours he was returned to my cell still wet of the water in which they almost drowned him. With unsteady steps I walked towards him and held him tight. “I´m so sorry, I´m so sorry…” I repeated a hundred times “ We´ll be home soon” I said although we both knew it´s a lie. But those illusions comforted him and kept the nightmares away and if a couple of lies were the secret to calm him then I was willing to pay a price that low.
Sometimes it took days, or even weeks till they noticed us again. We always used these rare moments to regain our strength and we felt gifted for it. But in these times the other prisoners weren’t as lucky as Mativ and I. We saw them being dragged down the corridor, hearing their screams, seeing their panicked looks begging for help and comfort. Some of them were imprisoned soldiers captured by the Germans, still wearing their uniforms, brought here to gain information from them. Others were normal looking people, as far as you can call anyone of us normal looking, but with a special background. Herald for example was a backer who was captured for treason and accused of being a spy for the British. He was of course completely innocent but after a while he would´ve broken too and admitted anything, even if they accused him of being a wizard. The real British spy was Mathilde, but she was also a good liar and determined to die for her country and the greater course without telling anything. And then there were half a dozen people like me and Mativ. They were special and had great talents. Anastasia had a gift which you could describe with one word: anticipation. The Germans thought she could foresee the future and although there was something true about that it was more like a feeling she had minutes before something big happened. She never realized that it was not only luck what saved her from being dead by now. She always knew when to leave a place where several minutes later a bomb fell and killed everybody. No one noticed this gift till the Second World War broke out. Her own brother betrayed her by telling the German authorities. Rasmus on the other side was a great talent in the world of numbers. He was faster than any calculator, which would have not been surprising would he have been educated and enjoyed special courses in university, but he grew up on a farm, never even saw a classroom and was completely illiterate. They hoped he would help them to create a new code for their telegraphs- and Rasmus was not stupid so he agreed and cooperated. The ones that would not cooperate were tortured till they finally begged for mercy or they would release their last breath during it. Every time we heard their screams something inside of us broke, probably our hopes if there was still anything left. The nights were the hardest- long, dark but not silent.
“Do you remember that one day where we were on a meadow full of beautiful flowers? We were eating fresh bread and drinking lemonade. We laughed about things, talked about our future and were full of hope? Do you remember Lyis?”. “ I thought you were asleep?” I asked somewhat confused by his question. “Or that one time we were ice-skating on a frozen lake and you fell? I had never laughed that much…. Afterwards we had a warm cup of chocolate milk. It was a beautiful day…” “Yes I remember. Now sleep. It was a hard day.” “We will have those wonderful times again Lyis. I know it”. I was starting to become really concerned because we never were on a meadow full of flowers or drinking chocolate milk on an icy day. In all our time on this planet we were imprisoned. We only saw the sun through a window. Maybe he read or heard about those things... Although I didn´t want to commit it, I realized my brother went mad. He didn´t look good either, although that wasn´t surprising at all because we all looked rather dead than alive. It was more in a way that his happiness and love of live were gone. It shocked me because the outstanding things of Mativ always were his warm character, his optimism. Once upon a time he was a very handsome young man, a cavalier who bewitched every woman within 20 meters. I could have not separated him from all the other prisoners, just as hollow and of a grayish colour. But again if lies help him to survive …. I would even tell him he´s the king of the world if that would make him feel better.

The next morning we were allowed to take a shower. All female prisoners were taken to a big room with at least fifty showers and positioned beneath them. The whole room was mirrored and you could see your reflection in it. We called it the mirrors of shame because it showed how thin and pale we were- just like living corpses. They put them on the walls just to show us how weak we are and to frighten us because we were reflected at least a couple of hundred times. I never wanted to look at my reflection, but I always did. The only things left of me were my eyes. As blue and deep as the ocean, just as Mativs. People said that you could drown in them. But instead being full of life and hope, they looked cold and dead. My whole face was sunken in, my cheeks looked hollow and my lips bloodless. My once so beautiful silky black hair was now dull and matted and my body was only a skeleton. I was able to count my rips, my hips tried to puncture through my skin and my legs were as thin as my arms. Tears shot in my eyes and I quickly closed them till the shower went off again. As we all walked back to our cells Anastasia whispered that the allied forces were close and we could be safe soon. She was heard by the guards and shot, but the whole air was already filled with tension and a spark of hope jumped from one to the other and made every single one of us nervous. Back in the cells with the guards left the story spread faster than a fire could have. Although it seemed like no words were spoken, in a couple of minutes every one knew it.
“Lyis did you hear that?” Again the building rumbled. We walked to the cell door and tried to find the source of it. Other imitates pressed their noses against the glass too. “I think they´re coming” Herald whispered “Who´s coming?” Mativ asked “Our next guards.”I replied. Herald saw the puzzled look on his face and explained “The allied forces. Do you think they´ll let us go? No, they will imprison us too. Experiment and torture… that’s what awaits us behind these cell doors. It´s always the same. They´ll say they´re saving us, we don´t have to be afraid anymore. But saving us means keeping us…” It took only a couple of seconds before he realized his mistake . Something broke inside of Mativ, I could tell. “Mativ, I´m sorry. I mean, we could escape, couldn´t we?” My eyes followed Mativs as he walked back to his mattress..
Thirty minutes later our guards came down the corridor, opening the doors of the cells and shooting every single one inside it. “Shit.” It took only seconds before they shot Herald, but as they arrived at our door and tried to open it I locked it with all my mental force. “Idiot! Open the goddamn door! JETZT! Günther! Help me!” A second guard came and tried to move the door. “Well you always have to get it on the hard tour.”I was shocked as he pulled out a little button and pressed it, literally. Electro shocks coming from my collar rocked through my body and my mental hold on the door handle released. They opened the door and aimed with their guns at my head. Suddenly Mativ attacked them, but not as his normal self. His hair changed from pitch black to pale white while his blue eyes turned completely black. An animal like roar came out of his throat as he snapped the neck of the first guard. “Mativ! Watch out!” He turned around, but he was to slow. Five bullets hit him in his chest and his eyes focused onto mine as he fell over.
At that point everything appeared in slow motion. All this had happened in less than a minute and the guard was petrified. I rose up and I felt a force inside of me increasing and as the guard finally turned to face me, the glass doors behind him were already shattered and thousands of little daggers punctured him. He was dead before he hit the ground.
I looked up because I could hear a sharp breath. And there he stood: the most handsome looking guy I´ve ever seen. He was dressed in blue, red and white and had a big star on his chest. I realized that his costume represented the star spangled banner and therefore he must be American. He held a shield on his left arm in the same colours. But instead being as cool as I always imagined an American soldier to be he was more like a women seeing a rat. The look on his face was severe horror. Moreover he looked extremely shocked. He knew that he had not made a sound, but still I had sensed him standing there. I noticed that I must look like some sort of demon, standing in a puddle of blood, controlling objects and my dead brother to my feet still looking like a monster. But quickly something changed in his face, maybe it was pity. Tears ran down my face and I suddenly knew that this was my chance to escape. I have never felt this strong, not physically but mentally. So I blew holes into the cell walls left of me, running threw them on my way to the end of the corridor. I took a sharp turn to the left and blew open the door which lead to the roof. I climbed 4 stories my muscles still twitching. All the time I heard that man running behind me and he was fast, very fast, and faster than I or a normal human being could have been. So I threw objects in his ways, turned the stairs behind me into a slide or let it collapse entirely. But he jumped and climbed and pulled his way up. Finally I reached the last door; I swung it open, ran to the edge of the roof and saw….nothing. Waves of disappointment ran through me as I saw the 1000 meter drop. Surrounded by mountains I knew I could never survive this and all my hope to escape my new guards was destroyed.
” IS THIS MY PUNISHMENT? LOOSING HIM? TO DIE? TO LIVE IN AGNOY? FATHER! ANSWER ME!” I screamed towards the skies. I was close to a mental break down as I stood there on the edge, uncontrollable sobbing about the loss of my brother, about the unfairness of life and the only two choices that were left: to die or to be captured.

I heard the footsteps of that man coming closer and I knew the right choice. I could never face my father again and I would never come home. Never will Mativ return…I turned my face towards the sun which started to rise and moved my body towards it. “DON´T! Please Ma’am. I want to help you…” He was closer than I thought, standing right behind me. His voice was pleasant to hear, so soft and warm. Even his thoughts were pure and comforting, I couldn´t find a trace of cruelty or hatred. He was also the first stranger in years to call me Ma’am. Curiously I stopped waiting for more, to see if he really thinks he can help me or if he´s as unconvinced as I am. “Lyis, please we don´t want to hurt you. We´re here to help you, to save you from this place and these people. Nothing bad will happen again to you I promise.” ‘Must have found my name on the outside of the cell’ I thought. He sounded so trustworthy. So confident about the things he said. “Well, first of all it´s not Lyis like in lying…”I said with my hoarse voice. “ How do you pronounce it?” he replied, seemingly happy to have me talking. “I don´t know…..maybe as in cryptic..You know? LYis.” “Okay LYis, just take a step away from the edge, and we can talk about it all. Just please...I saw what happened there, inside your cell. How you tried to protect your cellmate and yourself. I have no idea how you managed to block that door and trust me would you´ve managed that for some couple of seconds longer I would have been there to help you. And I have also no idea what happened to your roommate as he transformed into…I have seriously no idea what he was ma’am but you didn’t seemed shocked at all. All I´ve seen is that he meant a lot to you and that they took him away… so your reaction was understandable and I do not see you as a monster or something we have to imprison or experiment with. I think these people have done that more than enough. We are here to save you from this life.”I turned around to face him and looked into his eyes. They had the colour of a blue sky, not as deep as mine or Mativs, more a light blue in which you could fall into. All in all he didn´t look threatening but kind and…helpless? Like he did not know how to convince or stop me. I reached out with my hand to touch his face, because all of this felt so unrealistic, as if I was dreaming of the famous white knight on a white horse coming to rescue me. “What’s your name?” I whisper as I come closer to his face. God, he smells terrific, although there was a scent of sweat, blood and dust about him but beneath that…like that flower meadow Mativ mentioned or that cup of chocolate milk, or the smell of fresh ocean air would have smelled. “Er, Steve, Steve Rogers.” I noticed that I´m only inches away from his face and he started to panic in anticipation of a kiss. I smile a little because he turned in a young boy who was never kissed before, and I´ve never seen that much shyness and naivety in years. He closed his eyes as I almost touch his lips, but just almost. The next moment I let myself fall over the edge, my hand stroking his face. I know I did not give him a chance, but would his government not torture me? Would my past not repeat itself again and again in an ironic vicious circle? One way or the other he maybe would have convinced me and maybe everything would have been just fine, but I was not willing to pay that price. I fell the air racing past my face, my clothing flying around me and I hear his scream as I fall towards the ground. “NO!” I see his face looking over the edge, full of despair and agony. He really did think I wasn´t going to jump. But suddenly I notice that he´s preparing to jump after me followed by a second scream, angry and shocked “STEVE?! Don´t! What are you doing!? STOP! ” The second man appears and pulls Steve away from the edge, fighting and struggling to hold him back. “ Let me GO! BUCKY!” Then he sees me and realization hits him hard. Again he screams something at Steve. But I stopped listening. I´m speeding up and can barely see them anymore and my last thought before everything turns black is: He wanted to accompany me.

Notes