Marvel owns the characters. I just own Robert and the plot.

"Okay, now that I have everyone's attention…"

Loki shrank into his seat, as if hoping no one else had caught the reference Robert had made.

Thor interrupted Robert before he could continue, finally upset on his brother's behalf now that the shock had worn off. "I should warn you to watch your tongue. Loki may have done terrible things, but he is still my brother."

"I am not your brother," Loki complained, looking towards the apron-clad blonde, but still seeming pleased that he'd stuck up for him. "We are not blood. We are not even of the same species."

Steve looked at Robert, "I think you've overstayed your welcome. You should leave now."

Clint and Natasha had been fingering their weapons angrily. When Robert didn't retreat, they stood up from the couch.

Bruce, ever the pacifist, noticed the threatening actions. He turned to Robert, and suggested, "I think you might want to leave for now, while you still have all your limbs. If you hurry, you might get a head start, which is more than can be said for most people in your position."

Robert looked around, realizing that things were starting to go very badly for him. Realizing that he had to calm their tempers, he slowly put his briefcase down and held up his arms in a show of surrender. He then addressed Clint. "I have a Glock on my left in a holster and I have another gun on my ankle. I was sent here by your director, Nick Fury."

Robert started to shake his head. "The son of a bitch. I should have known that that eye-patch-wearing Captain Jack-wannabe motherfucker would do this to me. He set me up to deal with a bunch of volatile super humans with prolific tempers."

Clint leveled him with an unimpressed look.

Natasha approached him slowly. "Remove your weapons, set them down on the couch and keep your arms up. If you try anything, you will regret it." With that, Robert slowly removed his two guns and set them on the couch. Then, he moved his arms and hands to the front of his body.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Really? You came here armed? Do you have a death wish?" Tony yelled, throwing his hands up in the air, ignoring the look Pepper was giving him for using such language.

Ignoring Tony, Robert turned to look at the spies with an eyebrow raised upward, "Oh, yes, because I'm positive that you all waltz into new environments without your weapons."

Clint looked at man with a little smirk, "Fair enough, you can lower your arms, but if I were you, I would start explaining real quick."

Aware that everyone was watching him, he cautiously ran a hand through his hair. With a defeated look on his face, he turned his attention to the rest of the group, "I am sorry to you all. I really am, and I swear that I'm not usually this bad. When I went into Nick Fury's office, I introduced myself and told him what I had been assigned to do. He welcomed me aboard with a smile, real friendly and all that."

Robert rolled his eyes and went on. "Then, he told me that I needed to show the Avengers that I wasn't some pushover. I was supposed to be strict and 'in-control' so that you all would respect my authority. I should have realized that he was setting me up, because when I was leaving he was smiling and waving to me. He might as well have put a target on my back, right?" Several members of the group snickered knowingly.

"I never meant to disrespect you. The Avengers are a mighty team and they've earned the respect of millions. You guys don't need a babysitter, I can see that, but the government views you all as threats that need to be monitored, so I can't exactly leave. If I do, they'll just send someone else like me along." Looking to Tony, he leveled him with an apologetic look. "I do understand that this is your home, and if you would let me, can we start over? Please?"

"I say we throw him out the window and see if he bounces," Loki suggested, smirking wickedly.

The next thing he felt was a rush of air and his head moving forward, as Steve gave him a brain duster.

Bruce took a deep breath, feeling much calmer after hearing Robert's explanation. He felt bad for the man, considering that Fury had basically set him up for failure. He gave a curt nod.

"Well, I can say that that was a quick turnaround. As a future reference, if Fury is waving and smiling at you, then there's probably a trap waiting for you."

Tony thought for a moment, looking at the man, who only seconds earlier he had been ready to see knocked flat on his ass. Finally, he responded with, "Yeah, I can see Fury doing that to a newbie."

Clint and Natasha shared a look and put their weapons away. "You are on borrowed time," warned the redhead as she gave him a glare that would make most men wet themselves. Instead of cowering away from the gaze, Robert just shrugged his shoulders.

Steve decided to offer a warning to the poor man, "Sir, I would be afraid if I were you."

Robert looked at Steve and shook his head. "Her glare doesn't scare me. I've stared death in the face before...in the form of a messy divorce with a pure Italian woman. That, my friend, is very scary; Especially when you're eating dinner, and she goes, 'Hmm, I don't remember if the rat poison or arsenic fell into the soup or if I even got all the broken glass out of it'."

Natasha didn't smile at the joke, but she sat back down, smirking. "She seems like a smart woman."

"If I may continue, please?" Robert waited for everyone to nod before he continued. "Now that we understand each other, I'll explain my reasons for being here."

Much more at ease now that their gazes weren't glares, Robert continued on. "Some high ranking government officials, mainly the President and his cabinet, are concerned over the way you present yourselves to the public. Now, as a whole, you have done a good job of hiding Loki so far; but, if people were to find out about him, it would end up messier than the French Revolution and somebody would get the guillotine."

Thor, confused by the reference, spoke. "The guillotine? What, what is that?" Everybody started to rub their foreheads and look away. Loki also frowned doubtfully, but didn't dare admit that he hadn't understood, not nearly as eager to sound like an idiot.

"I'll explain it later, Thor," Steve mumbled, grieving the loss of his afternoon.

"Okay, I've got it," Robert continued with his mission, ignoring Thor. "What if you all went out and helped support popular charities, such as the Red Cross, Breast Cancer, AIDS Research, The Humane Society, or the March of Dimes? I'm sure there are many others that would love the Avengers to work with them. Although, I wouldn't suggest doing too many at once. Otherwise, your enemies may believe that you've become soft."

Robert looked around, gauging everyone's reactions. Pepper smiled brightly and began typing furiously at her phone, Tony tried to peek over at her phone, Bruce and Steve were both nodding in agreement, Clint and Natasha remained stone faced, and Loki looked bored. Finally, his gaze came to Thor, and he saw that Thor had his hand raised. The man wasn't really sure if he wanted to deal with the Asgardian's question.

"Yes, Thor? You have a question?"

Thor lowered his hand after being acknowledged. "I don't understand what you have just listed off, especially this 'March of Dimes.' Why would Midgard have its people walk on dimes?"
In unison, everyone in the room made a groaning noise, even Loki, who had long since learned that nothing Midgardians said was to be taken literally. Robert shook his head, "I'll explain each one to you at a later point, Thor." Thor's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Steve spoke up. "I like your idea of helping the charities. I'd like to hear more of your ideas if you don't mind."

Clint, Tony, Bruce, and Natasha shared a look, and they started to move closer to each other to talk quietly. Robert noticed this and said, "I want to make it known that I'm not here to be a dictator or a rival or even your boss. My only job is to help improve your public image, ease the fears the government has, and to help you guys become a better team."

Thor approached Robert and got right in his face. "You are mocking me, and I grow tired of the way you speak to my friends and my brother. If you are not careful, I shall strike you down with Mjolnir."

Robert stared calmly back at the Asgardian, wondering how to handle the man. Sure, he hadn't been afraid of Natasha's glare, but she was a mortal woman. How was he supposed to deal with a man that came out of Norse legend? As he studied the man closer, a smile spread across Robert's face as he said, "Look Thor, I know you can beat me into next week, but you'll look silly doing it with a Swiffer wand in your hand and an apron around your waist."

Everyone else started to laugh as they saw how silly Thor looked wearing an apron and carrying a duster while trying to be threatening.

Loki, the only one not laughing, had decided to slap a hand to his head in exasperation. Almost to himself he muttered, "And he wonders why I keep saying that I am not his brother, but no, he keeps insisting that I am. It is moments like these that make me question why I am still associated with him and his brainless ways. "

Steve, the only one who had heard Loki's pity-party, gave the Asgardian a little pat on the back to show his sympathies.

Thor looked down at the dusting device still clasped in his hand. "You are a truly funny man, and you are certainly no coward. I see you use your wit and tongue as a weapon."

Pepper spoke up, "Wow look at the time, is anyone hungry? What does everyone want?"

Tony was the first to speak. "Last night, we had pizza. I say Shawarma."

"Chinese."

"Shawarma."

Thor cut in, "My brother and I would like to have burgers."

Loki frowned. "I am not your brother, and I can pick my own food, moron. I'd rather try Taco Bell since I keep seeing their commercials."

"Taco Bell? Wow Loki, I'm shocked. Though I do agree with your choice," Robert stated.
"What are tacos?" Thor inquired.

"Thor, do you know anything about Midgard?" asked Robert.

"He's an idiot, so no," Loki answered for Thor.

Tony decided to jump in at that. "Okay Loki, be nice. We'll have Taco Bell tonight. Jarvis, display the menu on the TV screen for everyone."

"Right away, sir," said Jarvis, as the menu popped up on the screen and everyone gave Jarvis their order. Clint and Natasha still ordered Chinese food.

Pepper looked at Robert, "So Robert, where are you staying?"

"Actually, to be honest, I got transferred here so quickly, that I will be staying at a hotel for now."
"Nonsense, you can stay here. As a matter of fact, we have a room by Clint and Natasha," Tony said with a Cheshire grin.

Robert shook his head. "Oh, I coul-"

Pepper quickly interrupted him. "Of course you can!" Under pressure, Robert acquiesced.

"You better not be a loud snorer," complained Clint with an accompanying glare.

"Fuck, I am dead," muttered Robert. In a louder tone, he continued. "Okay, well, while we're waiting for the food, I'll go get my bags from my car. If you happen to have an idea on a charity, let me know." With that Robert, left the room.

"Jarvis," said Tony. "Please give me any information that you have on him."

"Yes sir. Robert Hall, born May 9th, 1972, in Lititz, Pennsylvania, a small town outside of Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Moved to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, in 1984. Father got transferred working for P.P.&L . Mother worked in banks as a teller and as a school cafeteria worker.
"Graduated from High School in 1991, went into the military police. He left after 10 years, with an honorable discharge, ranked as a sergeant. Joined the F.B.I. and did well as a field agent, solving murders, kidnappings and hostage situations. He was approached by the C.I.A. to become an agent, but he declined the position. Was transferred to S.H.I.E.L.D. two years ago, and is mainly a field agent that helps public image."

"Keep going Jarvis," instructed Tony.

"He likes Philadelphia Eagles, Flyers, Phillies, and likes NASCAR. He listens to several music genres, but mainly Metallica, 80's hair bands, Megadeth, Amy Grant, Enya, Beethoven, and Mozart. He enjoys watching the History Channel, the Discovery Channel, and the Three Stooges. His only medical condition is Hypersomnia,"

Clint interrupted with, "What the hell is that and how the hell did you find out all that stuff?"

Jarvis then replied, "Through his Facebook page, of course."

Bruce replied, "His body does not produce enough of the chemical that helps him stay awake. He probably takes medication to combat drowsiness."

"Yes, and if you would have asked me, I would have told you everything." Everyone had the decency to look embarrassed as Robert walked back into the room. "I take Adderall, Adderall XR, and Provigil, plus lots of caffeine. I also try to get at least 6 hours of sleep a night."

Later that night, as they were all eating their dinner in relatively good spirits, Robert suddenly said, "Hot damn! I almost forgot about that." He stood up without elaborating on what 'that' was and rushed to his briefcase. He pulled out some standard, manila envelopes and went back to the table, passing out the envelopes to Steve, Loki, Thor, and Bruce.

"Merry Christmas," said Robert. Seeing Thor's mouth open, most likely to point out that the day wasn't actually Christmas, Robert quickly added, "No, Thor, it's not Christmas yet. It is just an expression." As they opened them, Robert said, "I would suggest that you don't lose them."
Thor spoke first. "What is this plastic thing? It has my likeness on it."

"It is your ID card. It helps people know who you are," answered Clint.

"There are people who will doubt me when I tell them who I am?" asked Thor in confusion.

"Won't a card make them more likely to doubt?"

"What's the matter, Thor, having some self-esteem issues?" teased Loki.

"Loki and Thor, you are now official citizens of the United States of America. Bruce, here you go, everything criminal on your record has been cleaned. For you Steve, your information has been updated and modified," explained Robert.

"So, now we can get driver's licenses?" asked Loki hopefully.

"Yes. As long as you pass your driver's test from the D.M.V.," explained Robert.

"Where is this DMV? I will pass the test with this," Thor exclaimed, as he raised his hammer.

"No, Thor, you don't attack it! Although, it might make a lot people happy if you did. You take a driving test with a pencil or a computer, and then you can drive a car around," explained Robert patiently.

Thor seemed distressed over this, which pleased Loki greatly.

Notes