Robert Hall's First Assignment

The idea of Thor behind the wheel of the car made the Avengers pray for everyone out of the road; they had better have a lot of insurance.

"Gawk! Are you fucking nuts?!" demanded Clint, who had very nearly choked on his dinner at the casual statement. "You're going to put Thor behind a vehicle in Manhattan? I thought you wanted to reduce damage. Having Thor driving will be like a real-life version of bumper cars!

Then there's Loki, and I mean, at least he's got enough sense to be able to drive safely, but he won't! I guarantee he'll act like this is Grand Theft Auto and run over people on the sidewalk on purpose."

Robert gave Clint a level stare. "Relax, this isn't happening any time soon. I'm going make sure Thor and Loki are able to drive a car before they even get into a car."

"I don't understand how this will be able to happen," stated a confused-looking Thor.

"Yes, I concur," contributed Loki, as a sly grin appeared on his face. Clint groaned. He never should have said that GTA thing out loud. He'd given the jerk some great ideas.

"Oh yeah?" Clint challenged, glaring at Robert for the misfortune he had surely wrought upon them all. "What are you going to do? Take over the video game room or something?" he asked incredulously as he cracked open his fortune cookie.

Reading the slip of paper, he chucked it behind him. "This one's bullshit; I've read it before," he mumbled tersely, still in a tense knot over the idea of the two immortals having licenses to drive and put the safety of everyone on the road in jeopardy.

"That is exactly what I am going to do." Clint groaned in response, but Robert ignored him.
"There are video games that you can just drive a car around for hours and hours. But we won't begin that for some time," Robert explained as he ate his seventh taco.

"I hope you realize that Mario Kart isn't an appropriate game to teach you how to drive safely," Tony mumbled, just imagining the potential road rage it might give Thor.

"Why does thought of Loki with his magic back, stuck in rush hour traffic, scare me?" Steve said

"Well, that will be an easy fix. Bruce will just be with him when he drives," Tony stated

"What?! Wait, how did I get pulled into this? Why is it every time, there is possibility of him doing something, I get pulled for babysitting duty?" Banner remarked

Robert shrugged. "It's not like there's turtle-shell power-ups on the real-life road." All of a sudden he had a gut feeling that he was being watched. He looked up after taking a giant bite of food. He saw Natasha glaring at him, and he suddenly felt worried.

His mind was racing; he wondered how to deal with this. He knew being aggressive with her would most likely not end well for him, so that option was out the window. Instead, he looked at her with a sly grin and said, "If you keep staring at me, things are going to get very freaky for everyone."

Everyone at the table stopped what they were doing and just stared at Robert like he had put a bull's-eye on his forehead, which was actually pretty comical given the team's line-up.

"Since you are about to die, can I have your cheesy gordita?" requested Clint. He was still hungry after eating his food, and since Robert was about to die, why let food go to waste?

Loki shook his head at Robert, and commented, "You are either the biggest idiot in history, Chuck Norris in disguise, or you really have a death wish."

Thor looked at his brother. "Who is Chuck Norris? Is this a new friend of yours?"

Loki let out a big sigh. "No, he is on the TV all the time."

Steve looked at Thor. "Thor, you need to watch more TV. Even I know who Chuck Norris is."

"Are you threatening me?" Natasha demanded coldly, as she lowered her head slightly and stared at Robert.

"No, I'm not threatening you. I just don't like people staring at me like I'm some sort of serial killer. I don't think that's an unreasonable request," countered Robert.

"What's the matter, Robert?" teased Loki. "Got some dark secrets you're hiding?" It was plain to everyone that Loki was digging for something to hold over Robert's head.

"Wow, look who's talking about dark secrets. Just remember there, Caribou-lover, I'm sure Mr. Stark can find you a mate at the North Pole. Hell, maybe you can add the penguins and a polar bear and have an orgy."

Tony and Clint's faces turned bright red, and the two burst out laughing; Clint even fell out of his chair, clutching his stomach. Bruce chuckled behind a hand to be polite. Steve's face reflected his confusion, up until Natasha explained to him in hushed tones what Robert had said. After her explanation, his face changed from confusion to mortification.

Pepper, the most mature one of the group, couldn't help but laugh as well. Thor and Loki looked at each other in confusion, since they had no idea about the animals Robert had just described; Still, they were well aware that Loki had been insulted. Robert looked over at Clint, who was smiling and shooting him a thumbs-up.

Robert thought to himself, 'Hey maybe this will work. Maybe they were right; there is hope for me. Just as long as that bastard doesn't get any ideas.' He didn't doubt that if he kept teasing Loki, sooner or later the Asgardian would enact his revenge. 'Well, I have been having fun with the bastard, but he keeps leaving himself wide open for me, I need to lay off him for a bit.'

Later on that night, they were all sitting around a giant flat screen TV. Robert was sitting on a plush dark grey recliner, and sitting next to him on a smaller sofa were Tony and Pepper. In the middle of the room, there was a large light black sofa, and on it sat Steve, Bruce, and Thor. Clint and Natasha had left the room to take a conference call with Fury, and Loki had slipped away a while back.

"So, how did you get picked for this assignment?" Pepper asked.

"I'm not really sure why my boss picked me. He just called me into his office and told me my new assignment. I thought it would be exciting, so I took the chance," explained Robert. "Plus I'm a big fan of Avengers." Robert noticed that everyone got quiet suddenly, "I am sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"No, it is something that a very good friend once said. He died," Steve said. The Avengers were all remembering the loss of Phil.

"Well, it is an adventurous environment," replied Bruce.

"My friend is correct. There is always something new enemy for us to combat," agreed Thor.

Steve nodded in agreement to Thor's statement, and inadvertently brought up a topic that they hadn't spoken about just yet. "There's something we have to talk about Robert, and it has to do with us and our assignments. I mean, I don't think we can take you along. I mean you no disrespect, but-."

He saw Robert hold up his hand and stopped, letting Robert speak. "I understand your concern, and I don't disagree with the fact that I'm just a human with no special powers or abilities, especially when compared to all of you. While I don't want to be a problem, I do think that you all need a little bit of management when it comes to going out to a battle. After viewing your battles, I think you tend to use too much and it becomes overkill," explained Robert.

"Overkill!? We never have too much force. You're just talking nonsense and exaggerating," says Tony, who is always so know for always going full throttle, as he sipped some Gentleman Jack.

"Really? What about the bank robbery where you destroyed the building and injured seven hostages?" shot back Robert.

"I don't know what you're talking about. We had everything under control," retorted Tony, starting to get a little defensive.

"There were ten robbers with machine guns, no lasers, no explosives, no aliens, just ten idiots," continued Robert. "I'm pretty sure you could have sent in Clint, Natasha and Steve. There would have been a different outcome if you had. I mean hell, Natasha probably could have taken them out all on her own!"

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Natasha said sarcastically, startling him.

Robert nearly jumped out of his chair in shock. "Holy shit! I firkin' thought you were still out of the room!" He exhaled as his heart slowed down. "Dammit! Do you do that all the time?"

"Yeah, she's pretty good at sneaking up on people. Remember, she is a master Assassin," Tony said as he started to laugh.

Laughter immediately encased the room, and a quick glance verified that everyone was laughing at Robert's reaction. Robert looked back at Natasha and saw that the redhead was smiling just a little, which brought a tiny grin to his face. Robert could tell that there was never going to be a dull moment in Stark's tower.

Notes