Robert Hall's First Assignment

As Tony and Pepper went back to join the others, Pepper lowered her voice. "I know you really don't know what to make of him, but he's a good person. I think he may be able to help us."

Tony leveled Pepper with a flat sarcastic expression. "Oh, what can he do? Make sure we don't run out of paper clips? Look, I don't trust him. He's a paper pusher." Pepper's reply was cut off when the elevator doors opened.

As they got off of the elevator, Tony called the team's attention, eyes shifting from one face to the next, "Alright, what do you guys think of this clown, 'cause I've only known him for a few hours and I already want him gone." He yelped when Pepper pinched his side. "Although, he might be nicer than we initially thought..,"

Steve hesitated before answering, "I'm not sure, he seems honest… And, I hate to admit it, but I have to agree with his assessment about the bank. We used too much force."

Clint gave Steve a nod before giving his opinion. "I agree, but when Natasha and I requested that Fury get him out of here, he replied with a resounding 'no'. Apparently he thinks that this guy might be an asset to the team. Whatever his value and however nice he may seem is irrelevant. We don't know enough information to trust him."

Natasha nodded coldly. "I tried to access his files, but all of them were blocked. He appears to be nice enough, but that doesn't make him trustworthy."

Bruce gave a long exasperated sigh, still reeling over the advice Robert had given him. "I'll be honest… I think he's nuts, but that doesn't make him trustworthy."

Thor seemed to be the only one who had faith in Robert. "He makes me laugh." He looked at Loki in confusion. "I am not sure why he does not like you, brother."

Loki sighed loudly. "For the last time, don't call me, 'brother'. As for Robert, I don't like him and I don't trust him."

Tony snorted. "That's ironic coming from you."

Loki looked torn between confusion and trying to remain indifferent to Tony's jibing. "What is ironic about my statement?"

Tony smirked, looking around to rally support for his joke. Only Clint was cracking a smile. "You're the God of lies and tricks, and you're suspicious of somebody. It's kinda funny. It's like military intelligence."

Pepper gave a put-upon sigh. "Well, there must be a good reason why Fury allowed him to join the team. Let's just give him a chance."

Natasha cut in. "I think he'll be fine. Besides, he's just one man. We can always just-," She dragged her finger across her neck, and Tony chuckled at that.

With that, the team decided to turn in for the night and wait to see how things would turn out in the coming days.

The next morning, Robert's alarm went off at 7am, playing 'Enter Sandman'. He got up and rubbed his face, and reminded himself that he needed a shave. Putting on a pair of socks, he walked out of his apartment, went to the elevator to headed up to the main common area. When he got there, he saw Steve pouring himself a cup of coffee. "I hope that's not decaf. Is it still hot?"

"Good morning," Steve replied. "It's regular. I made it after my run, so no worries. It hasn't gone cold."

Robert gave him a slightly envious look. "I'm not really the running type, especially not at this hour… It'd probably do me some good, though."

Steve shrugged, making small talk as he sipped his own coffee. "Best way to wake up and be alert."

Robert smiled a little bitterly. "I have to disagree with you there." With that, he flashed a prescription pill bottle, poured out a pair of small pills. He took both swiftly with a gulp of coffee.
Steve didn't question him, but Robert still felt the need to explain his actions. "I gotta take these throughout the day, otherwise I'd be conking out all over the place."

"How long has this been an issue, if you don't mind me asking?" Steve asked, looking concerned, as he sat down at a table.

Robert sat down across from Steve, jumping at the chance to get to know him. "I've had issues with tiredness for as long as I can remember, but I wasn't tested for anything until I was almost thirty. It's a pain, but it's better than falling asleep at the wrong times, like while driving a car or something."

Steve nodded, letting it drop. "So, are you hungry at all? I was about to start making breakfast and I'm taking orders."

Robert hesitated a moment before replying. "Sure, I'll have three eggs in a basket."

Steve furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure that I know what that is."

Robert shrugged. "Don't worry about it for now. I need to start on my reports. I'll show you how to make them when I come back."

"Sure, no problem. I'm always willing to learn," Steve replied as Robert turned to return to his apartment. Steve noticed the pill bottle on the table, so he stopped Robert. "Hey! Don't forget these… And when you make those reports, try not mentioning anything bad about me." Steve smiled as he handed Robert his pill bottle.

"Thanks…" Suddenly, a big smile spread over his face. "And don't worry about the report, I only put in the honest truth."
Robert grabbed his laptop from apartment, and then went to the communal living room. He plugged his laptop charger into the wall and turned his computer on. As he waited for it to load, he looked around and admired the open living space and the decorative paintings on the walls.

"Hey Jarvis, can you play music?" he asked, still not fully comfortable with the idea of asking the invisible force for favors.

"Yes, I am capable of playing any mixture of music. I can even access the playlist of songs that you have on 'Rhapsody'," came Jarvis' answer.

"Cool, please play the songs at a medium volume and shuffle them, but no repeat please,"

Robert asked as he started to make his report over his first day with the Avengers.

A little while later, Robert assumed that the rest of the Avengers had awoken and were starting to meet for breakfast. "Hey, Jarvis, what are the odds that they are going to spy on me?" Robert asked thoughtfully.

"Probably at least eighty-five percent, Sir. Why do you ask?"

"I would like you to help me play a joke on them."

"That does sound like fun, Sir."

Robert grinned. "Okay, here is what I want you do..."

Everyone was sitting around, enjoying the bacon, sausage, eggs, and pancakes Steve had made. Looking around and seeing that someone was missing, Pepper asked, "Jarvis, where's Robert? What's he doing?"

"Agent Hall is working on his computer, typing up files on the Avengers," Jarvis reported. "He is also listening to music and sitting on the couch, in the common living area."

"Really! He's already spying on us, yet we're supposed to trust him! What do his reports say about us?"

"He has only created folders for each team member, sir. Then he went to ESPN, to read news about the Eagles and Flyers."

"Oh, is that it?" Tony frowned, unwilling to give up his plan to make Robert look suspicious. "So he is listening to music. Well, let's have a good laugh. He's probably listening to Taylor Swift or something equally lame. Play it, Jarvis."

"Very well, Sir," Jarvis responded.

They were immediately confronted by a blast of loud music, causing most of them to reflexively cover their ears at the volume (shock):

Slamming through, don't fuck with razorback
stepping out? You'll feel our hell on your back
Blood follows blood and we make sure
Life ain't for you and we're the cure
Honesty is my only excuse
Try to rob us of it, but it's no use
Steamroller action crushing all
Victim is your name and you shall fall

"Jarvis, turn it off!" Natasha shouted. Glaring at Tony, she began to stalk towards him threateningly.

"Wow, he likes Metallica. Maybe he's not that bad after all. He has good taste, at least," Tony chuckled nervously, while avoiding the death glares he was receiving from everyone, plus trying to avoid a glaring, mad Russian.

As the elevator doors opened, Robert saw Natasha closing in on Tony. He just rolled his eyes with a sigh. Then he heard the music playing at a reduced volume. Did they plan on spying on every little thing he did?

"Tony, Tony, Tony, when will you ever learn some manners? Didn't anyone ever teach you that it's rude to spy on people? Oh, and thanks for the help, Jarvis," Robert teased good-naturedly.

"You were right, Sir, it was a funny joke."

"You got Jarvis to play a joke on us? How did you that?" Tony asked, bewildered.

Robert shrugged his shoulders. "I just asked him." He turned to face Steve. "You still wanna' learn how to make that thing?" He nodded eagerly.

"Okay, we need a frying pan, three slices of bread, butter, an egg, and a knife," Once Steve got the supplies, Robert started to make it, explaining as he went. "What you do is butter one side of the bread, then cut a square, circle, or whatever shape you want to make. Then you melt more butter in the pan and put the bread in, butter-side up. You let the bread brown like a grill cheese sandwich on both sides, then you cook the egg in the hole that you cut out until it looks done, and that my friend, is eggs in a basket."

"Where did you learn to cook like that?" Steve asked.

"I used to work at different restaurants when I was younger. It's a nice skill to have," he replied as he picked up his plate and sat down next to Natasha.

As Robert set his plate down, she looked at his then back at hers, deciding her food looked quite boring. He felt her gaze, and he turned to look at her. Robert nodded his head and Natasha took a bite of from his plate. It was easy to see her face brighten up and she asked Steve if he could make them. The Captain was happy to oblige.

Robert continued. "You want to talk about pressure, I worked at this one restaurant that had three buses show up at 6:30 in the morning. I was by myself except for the manager. That totally sucked giant whale ass," Robert complained as he started eating.

"Giant whale ass?" Steve repeated in exasperation. "That can't be a real saying."

"What can I say, my mouth isn't g-rated," Robert said with a smile. "Besides, you've been in the same building as Sam Kinison, George Carlin, and Denis Leary's love-child over there. It's not like you haven't heard worse." He nodded to a certain billionaire eating his breakfast and whining to Bruce about a problem he was having with a project.

Tony looked at him affronted, while Robert enjoyed his food, and asked about the project. Tony scoffed after his inquiry, but Bruce ignored him and explained the problem they had concerning a formula meant to improve to the Iron Man Suit.

"Well, it sounds like you might be mixing imperial and metric measurements," Robert shrugged

Tony rolled his eyes. "That's stupid, what the hell do you know...Wait, wait, wait! Damn it, that is the problem!" Tony leaped from his chair, and rushed out of the room yelling, "I have to go to the lab!"

Robert put his fork down and stared at Tony's now empty spot in shock. He turned to look at the rest of the team. "Is it a normal to have a gut feeling that he's going to blow all of us up?"

"YES!" everyone groaned.

Steve, who had been racking his brain trying to figure out Robert's earlier reference, turned his attention back to Robert with a sigh. "I still don't know who those people are."

Robert rubbed his face with one hand. "That's it. We need to give you a crash course on modern history and media. What the hell, let's kill three birds with a shotgun. We'll bring Thor and Loki along for the ride too."

"Three birds with a shotgun," Loki repeated with disdain as he walked into the room. "I see you're trying to show us all how witty you can be," he finished with a smirk.

Without warning Robert, spoke out with an outrageously bad French accent. "Thor, please take no offense to this, but... Loki, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

Pepper giggled quietly behind her coffee, Clint fell off his chairs laughing, Bruce accidentally spit out his coffee, and even Natasha was laughing. Steve smiled, despite not quite understanding the reference. Thor and Loki were completely clueless; they didn't understand the reference, and they were stunned by the vulgarity of the insults.

"BAM! Never underestimate the power of Monty Python!" Robert smirked, as he took his dish over to the sink, grabbed his coffee, and returned to his apartment.

Robert sat back down on the couch and he returned to finishing the files. He wrote about the general reactions of the team, and their attitudes concerning him. He finished about an hour later with a big stretch. "Jarvis, can I ask you a question?"

"Certainly, Sir, how can I assist you?" Jarvis answered.

"What are the odds that Mr. Nosy is going to ask you to hack into my computer?"

"That would be 99.9%, Sir."

"Figured as much…" Robert hummed in thought. "He can't hack into my computer if I take the battery out, right?"

"I don't know, Sir, I don't think anyone has gone that route," Jarvis replied. "But I would agree."

"Thanks Jarvis, you're probably the one person in this joint that I can count on to be honest," Robert mumbled as he powered down his computer and took out the battery. He chuckled, imagining Stark's reaction.

Meanwhile, Tony and Bruce were in the lab working on adding some upgrades to the Iron Man suit. "Tony, can you open the project file for me?" asked Bruce.

"Yeah, hold on a sec," Tony replied, as he walked over to the computer to pull up the files for Bruce. "Oh, and before I forget, Jarvis, can you check Robert's computer for those reports? I want to know what that jerk is saying about us."

Bruce shot Tony an incredulous look. "You're settling into paranoia quite nicely." Shaking his head, he continued, "They're going to do this one way or another Tony, so just let it go."

"I am not paranoid, thank you very much. I am just very nosey," Tony replied flippantly as he tapped his foot and waited for the information.

"I am sorry, Sir, but I can't access his laptop at this time, as there is no power source to the laptop," Jarvis said.

"What do you mean there's no power source?" Tony sputtered.

"I have located the laptop with my cameras and it appears the battery is missing."

"That ass! If that doesn't prove he has something to hide, then what does?" Tony wondered, grumbling to himself. "How did he figure that one out?"

Bruce just smirked and went back to work, knowing that Tony would obsessively try to access those files. It would drive the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist nuts. When Tony goes nuts, hilarity is sure to ensue.

Notes