The silver's tears

I have been falling , I don’t know exactly for how long , all what I know is that I’m falling and there is no ground for me to crash on
Am I alive ? I...I don’t know that either ! All I know is that I’m tired ...
Tired of being their pawn , tired of being controlled , tired of being dead!
I have been falling , but now I landed after letting go of everything even the ones i care for, not selfish no, I’m sparing them the pain i know I causing it , they won’t understand and they won’t let me go so i had to do this for their own sake not mine , they will move on ,they will learn to , i knwo but me ... I can’t stand there watching all of them suffer because of me so i had to die , not having the courage doing it myself I had to turn the knight into a pawn ...my pawn
If it wasn’t for this strange voice i would be dead now not stuck in this endless darkness falling to nowhere !
I remember seeing Thor and talking to him or it was just another illusion? It must cause i don’t know this so called winter soldier and certain i didn’t say winter is coming! My life just doesn’t make any sense like each and everything in it !
On good mood ? Yeah ,why not? i'm in nowhere and I’m talking to myself not that i wasn’t expecting going insane but i didn’t see it coming that soon! So did you hear whoever you are, I lost my mind...Again !
Something changed i can feel it , i'm not falling anymore but when did I reach the ground ?
Something is wrong i can tell ,and here it comes again the feeling of nothing , just empty but sometimes nothing is better than the things I’ve felt , at least I won’t feel my time running out !
This world is different or it’s just me ! I remember these streets , here i came to kill , here i came as a pawn , what can i call myself this time ? A ghost searching for his way back home ? But a ghost can see everyone and don’t be seen but what if it was the way round ? So I’m just stuck in ghost world ...
I’ve been walking for hours now and no soul to be seen! Where did everyone go ?! It’s like they just gone , disappeared ...!
I remember being here before , this the place where I....killed all these people .... People I keep seeing them in my dreams crying, begging me not to do it , this is the place where i became what i really am ... A monster
No ! Not a monster i couldn’t....I wouldn’t ... Just a toy for whom ever had the upper hand !
Would they ever know the truth ? That i wasn’t the one who took their loved ones away from them ? That I was just a fool who though all his problems will end with his death , not knowing that my death was their only way to get to me , so weak, so vulnerable , so silly !
I remember the moment i let go of thor's hand and falling to the endless darkness surrounding me , drowning me in its thoughts for day after day till i lost count and hope with it
They say when you’re close to your death you start to see your whole life in front of you , every moment you lived, every person you met , everything start showing up like shadows , I think by this way you get a chance to say goodbye before it all start to slip away fading with your soul but this didn’t happen , what i thought it was death was actually the reborn of a new me , darker one , free of any commitment , deprived of any feelings , a new me not born from what i faced but from what they did to him , from what he did to him !
He....all I remember is his voice cold , rough ,mocking my weakness , my ignorance of where I am or even the fact that i wasn’t falling anymore , that I wasn’t dying ! Surprised of my ability to endure the pain they caused to me not knowing that i wasn’t aware of being tortured by his pawns , he took it from me along side of my memories keeping only the dark ones ..
If you woke up to find all that you remember is being lied to you about your heritage or the fact that you’re are just a war child captive for the sake of an old man dreams of ruling, being mocked your whole life for being different , being weak , all I felt was anger and hatred...They kept torturing me thinking I may be pretending or playing a game on them till he decided to end with just one touch to my forehead and it was all gone , I felt cold invading my whole body i can even feel my bones shiver from it, my mind was so clear , so empty , nothing to worry about , nothing to think of , as there was nothing left to remember only one idea controlled me , I need to rule , I need to kill ...And that’s all it took to become the monster people tell their children about at night ! I became their worst nightmare ! And maybe still ..!

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