Monster

Even though the blood was gone I could still feel the sick heat that rolled through my stomach whenever I thought about it. I was sitting at my kitchen table, in my rightful place with my back to the wall. I had my fingers wrapped around a mug of tea, but they kept trembling anyway. I could feel the liquid burn the cut on my lip and scald my throat. My sister was sitting in front of me. She had flown down while I was still in custody. Tony was on his way from California and should land any minute.

Bucky hadn’t come back. No one had seen him. Steve had looked even though I knew he wouldn’t find him. I had got home late after they cleared my house and I had almost expected to find him lurking in the dark. He never showed. He didn’t come the next night either.

“I just don’t understand why you won’t stay at a hotel,” Clara was saying as she swept her dark brown hair out of her face and stirred her own mug. She swore it would calm my nerves, but it didn’t help.

My living room was destroyed. There was still a death on my hands. And no matter what anyone said to try and cheer me up, I could still feel the presence of the bloodstains on the front lawn. The bullet hole on the doorframe still came from a gun that I had shot. The bullet that made that hole went through someone’s throat before embedding itself in the frame.

“I can’t stay at a hotel in case he comes back,” I told her as I took another sip and focused on the coffee stained wood grains on my table.

“You can leave a note for him. Give him a new number to call you at.”

“Tony won’t let me. He said it would just lead HYDRA right to me.” She sighed.

“HYDRA already knows where to find you. How does it make a difference? Let Tony set up more of his surveillance thingies. He can tell you when Bucky comes back and you can contact him.”

“Bucky won’t come back if I’m not here.”

“I don’t think he’s going to come back anyway.” I glanced up at her.

“He promised he would come back for me.”

“What if they got him, Jo? What if he’s with HYDRA again?”

“He’ll come back for me. He promised.” She sighed heavily again and looked toward my kitchen window. I glanced at the clock and stuck my mug back on the table. “I have a meeting with Talbot. You should get out of here. Just in case.”

“You should let me come with you.”

“It’s at SHIELD HQ. No one is allowed on the property unless they’ve been cleared. No one has enough time to clear you just so you can be in a meeting with me. So unless you want to wait on the bridge, I’d advise you not to go.”

“You should really have a lawyer with you.”

“I’m not going to be arrested. Talbot knows me. He’s just going to bitch at me for agreeing to help Steve without his clearance. He might try to intimidate me but I’ll be fine.”

“I wish you weren’t going back to that place. They already fucked your life up enough as it is.”

“I don’t really want to argue with you right now. If I don’t go talk to Talbot he WILL have me arrested.”

“Fine.” She brushed me off but followed after me as I headed toward the front door.

My neighborhood used to feel like my sanctuary. It was normal and boring and felt safe in all its normal boringness. My neighbors were predictable. They mowed their lawns on Sunday mornings. Some of them even went to church. They organized bake sales that never ended up happening. Girl Scouts tried to sell me cookies every spring.

But the place felt darkened by my deed. I had brought this darkness into their normal boring lives. There were no kids rushing off to school. There were no joggers. Everyone felt the presence of that death. I had brought danger into their lives just for allowing HYDRA into mine. And no matter what I did or where I went, I would always bring that darkness with me.

Clara followed me out to the curb where the car Tony had leant me sat unused since Saturday afternoon. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at me in the early morning sun. She already seemed tired, stressed, and angry. I told her to go back home and let me deal with my new problem on my own, but she refused to leave. This ride to speak to Talbot was going to be my first time away from her since she’d arrived. I opened the door and looked over at where she was standing on the sidewalk.

“You shouldn’t stay here,” I reminded her.

“I’m just going to clean up and then Tony should be here. Maybe we’ll go get breakfast,” she explained. “Call me when you get done with Talbot.” I gave her a quick nod before climbing into the car.

I hated driving. It was when my mind was free to wander. It didn’t matter how loud I turned up the music. It didn’t matter how much I concentrated on the road. My thoughts always caught up with me. The only time I ever enjoyed driving was when I wasn’t alone. But I couldn’t have asked Clara to join me. And she probably would have bored me to death anyway.

Even though it was so early it was passed the early morning rush hour. I had always been part of that rush hour when I still worked for SHIELD. DC just seemed to start earlier than most cities. And when the sun finally came up the day had already been started for most people.

So while there were still plenty of cars on the road, it wasn’t an entirely bad drive. I didn’t have to stop very often and there was enough space so that I could pass the black SUV in front of me if I wanted to.

I turned on the radio and listened to the morning talk show host as he had a discussion with someone about the recent terrorist attacks. They mentioned HYDRA by name. They never used to. At least they never did in anything other than history books and classes. I switched to another channel, but there was never anything on this early in the morning. So I took my eyes off the road just long enough to switch it over to a CD.

My eyes had been off the road for just one second too long. The car that had been beside me for the last few miles made a side sweep. I felt my car jerk from the impact and I returned my eyes to the road long enough to catch a glimpse of the SUV’s brake lights right before my car slammed into the guardrail. The airbag burst open and my head slammed into the cushion, burning my skin and causing me to bite my lip, breaking open my previously healing cut.

I didn’t have enough time to examine the damage before the car door ripped open, my seatbelt was yanked off, and I was dragged from the vehicle and out onto the freeway. The man tossed me onto the pavement and then pointed a gun to the back of my head. I stood up on my shaking feet and faced the group that had left the other SUV. I should have noticed there were too many of them on the road. I was trying too hard to stop myself from thinking too much.

A man stood at the center of the group. He wore the clothes they had forced him into when they made him a machine. He was covered in black and leather except for his metal arm. His hair was down and in his face. But his eyes were on mine. I felt my heart shatter in my chest.

“Shoot her,” the man behind me instructed. Bucky stepped forward but made no move for the gun another agent held out for him. “Shoot her, or I will. You said your loyalties were with us. I want you to prove it. Shoot her.”

“But she hasn’t done anything,” Bucky said. The gun pressed harder against my skull.

“It’s not your job to ask questions, Soldier. Shoot her!”

“She’s a civilian.”

The man shoved me forward and I winced as the gun struck me on the back of the head. Bucky reached for the gun and lifted it in my direction. There was only a few feet separating us and the gun was aimed at my face. I wanted to beg him not to do it, but I could tell by his expression that I didn’t have to. The Winter Soldier had been focused, almost empty, and emotionless. His eyes had been dark and frighteningly stern. This man, though he was dressed like The Winter Soldier, was not what he appeared. I could see the life in his bright blue eyes. I could see the invisible marks I had left on him. This was Bucky. There was too much fear and discomfort in his eyes.

“Shoot her!” the man shouted. I flinched again and Bucky’s hands tightened around the gun.

I knew that he didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to follow orders from anyone anymore. And even if what this man said was true, that Bucky had sworn his loyalties to HYDRA, I didn’t believe he had done it willingly. This man clearly hadn’t had his memories tampered with. Maybe he had no way to escape and pledged himself to spare his memories and torture. But they were going to do that anyway. They were going to make him shoot me or watch me die. One or the other. Probably both.

All of the men in the group had their guns on me. There was no way he could get out of it. He could shoot the man behind me, but all the others would open fire. I would still have to die. He could try to fight them, but despite his talents, all it would take is one second for one of them to pull the trigger and I’d be dead. All he could do was buy me time, and I could see on his face that he didn’t know how to do that.

I could see him breathing even from the distance. His chest moved too quickly as he weighed his options in his mind. He was trying to find a solution for the both of us. A hole I could escape through. But I couldn’t think of anything and I could see that he had already come to the conclusion that there was no escape.

“Bucky,” I whispered. He kept his eyes on mine. His mouth was set in a straight line but his eyes were pained. He was breathing too rapidly for him to be anyone but the man who’d woken up with his arm around me. “It’s okay,” I told him. “Because… it was real. Just… no matter what happens… Don’t forget that. Don’t let them take that from you.”

“You’re a failure,” the man behind me spoke. “A traitor.” I heard the bullet in his gun slide into the chamber with a click. And then in an instant Bucky’s gun jerked to the side and fired.

I heard the loud snap, I felt the bullet, and I slammed into the man behind me and dropped to the pavement. My right shoulder had exploded in pain and I screamed as I rolled to my side. I had forgotten just how sharp that pain felt. Even in my nightmares and flashbacks, my memories didn’t prepare me for that pain. It was explosive and unexpected, even though I had known it was coming. I cried out as I clutched at the hole the bullet had made.

The man stepped over me. The bullet hadn't exited the back of my shoulder, so he was left unharmed. I followed his movement until my eyes landed on Bucky. He still had the pained expression on his face but he was watching the man expectantly. The man tossed something to the agent closest to Bucky.

“The Winter Soldier is compromised. Take him out and finish her off,” he said. But then Bucky sprang into action. He spun around and cracked the man on the face with his metal arm. The agent reached forward with whatever had been tossed to him. He slammed the object into his neck and Bucky stumbled toward me, still trying to fight them off. His face went red and he fell forward onto his knees. His eyes met mine.

“Run,” he said.

I struggled to get to my feet but I knew I wouldn’t be fast enough. Even if I made it to my car in time, they had blocked the area off with their SUV’s. The most I could do was lock the doors and hope that Tony had made my windows bulletproof.

I got to my feet and limped toward the car as I held my bleeding shoulder. I could hear Bucky struggling with them behind me but I kept my eyes forward.

“Get him in the car. I’ll do it myself,” the man was saying. A bullet zinged passed me and struck the car. I froze. “Turn around,” he said.

I turned to face him but I looked passed him at where Bucky had fallen unconscious on the pavement. The other agents were trying to get him up so they could drag him back to one of the SUV’s. Then the agent stepped in front of my view and blocked him from me. He lifted the gun in my direction.

“Agent Johanna Hayes,” he said with a smile. Blood was dripping down his face from where Bucky had hit him. “Thank you for all of the work that you have done for us. And thank you, so much, for taking care of The Winter Soldier while we got up and running again. Now we can rebuild him, stronger and better than he ever was before. And when we do that, we’re going to make him murder every single person that you love. Starting with your sister.”

“You’ve made a terrible mistake,” I said as I uselessly held onto my bleeding shoulder. “Because there’s a crash detector in my car… and it links directly to Iron Man.”

He gave a half laugh as if he didn’t believe what I was saying. But I had seen the suit before he did. Bucky had given me just enough time for JARVIS to alert Tony and for him to get in the suit. The airport was a five minute drive. Even quicker in the air. A red blur few at him from the side and caught him in the gut, flinging him across the freeway toward the divider. He skidded to a halt and then jumped back to his feet. I had to admit, Tony’s suit was always more impressive up close. I could hear the machinery move as he walked toward me and the mask stared down at me. I slumped against the car and slid to the ground.

“Are you alright?” I heard Tony’s voice ask through a digital transmitter.

“Been better,” I replied.

A bullet dinged across his head and he immediately turned and flew off toward the attacker. The black SUV that they’d put Bucky in was already speeding down the freeway. Cars were lining up behind the blockage made by my car and the other SUV’s. Steve would have a hard time getting through the blockage. And I already knew I wouldn’t be able to drive long enough to catch up with Bucky. I could see my vision already starting to spin. I just had to hope that Steve could get through fast enough to go after him.

I finally worked up the strength to get back on my feet. Tony had the agent by his ankle and was dangling him over the edge of the overpass. The gun was at his feet and the man was screaming. I limped over to them.

“Tony!” I shouted. The mask turned in my direction. “Leave me with the gun. Go after Bucky,” I instructed.

“I can’t do that, Jo,” he said.

“Please?” I screamed as I reached for the gun the agent had dropped. “For me?” He turned and dropped the agent on the road at my feet.

“I’ll do it because they’re HYDRA. Not for you,” he said.

Then he flew off down the road after the black SUV. I held the gun out with my left hand. I was trembling but the agent didn’t know about my issue with pulling triggers. All he knew was that I had killed Oscar Harman. He didn’t know about my problem with freezing.

“He won’t catch them,” he told me as he looked up like a guilty dog. “You’ll never get him back. It’s too late for him, Agent Hayes. It’s too late for you. Because when we rebuild him… we’re gonna send him to you. And you won’t be able to save him this time. We’ll make sure of it.” I responded by cocking the gun. He just smiled. “You can’t shoot me. You’re bleeding out. You don’t have the upper body strength. One shot will take you out, and your hands are too shaky to aim.”

“You want to test me?” I asked as I stepped forward and pressed the barrel of the gun against his forehead just like he had done to me. “You know that’s the last thing Oscar Harman said to me too, right? That I couldn’t do it. And look where that got him. Bullet through the jugular. You don’t want to test me, because I am really pissed off.”

“What about you? What were your last words to James Barnes before he shot you? Words don’t mean anything. He will forget you. And then we’ll send him to kill you and all your friends.”

I could feel the blood draining from my body. The wound wasn’t fatal but the bleeding wasn’t slowing. I could feel my head getting fuzzy. I couldn’t hold the gun and stop the bleeding at the same time. I just wanted to stay conscious enough for Tony to get back or for Steve to arrive. He had to come. I couldn’t let the asshole win.

“You already tried that,” I said with a struggled breath. “You couldn’t kill my friends. And do you hear that?” The freeway below us was noisy with passing cars and trucks, but I could hear the rumble of a motorcycle and the sound of it was etched into my brain. I didn’t know where it was coming from; just that it was getting closer and he would be here within a matter of seconds. “That’s my upper body strength,” I told him. Then I stumbled backwards and dropped the gun on the cement.

He jerked forward to reach for the gun but the motorcycle engine was almost deafening now. He wrapped his fingers around the handle when a shield flew passed me like a frisbee and struck him in the face. He hit the guardrail and was out cold. The shield slid across the road before coming to a stop. I turned around to face where Steve was standing on top of my car.

“Are you okay?” he asked me, as he stepped down. His face was stern and focused. I shook my head.

“Tony went after him,” I said quietly. “He shot me.” Then I dropped to the ground and rested my head against the guardrail. I pinched my eyes shut and pressed my palm over the wound.

Notes

Requests for more chapters drive me, okay? I know I update daily anyway but when I get requests to update it feeds my soul.

Also, I'm sorry.