The silver's tears
Let it go
The rest of the day things were quite calm as Coulson and Pepper spend the time watching the news waiting for anything new about the team while loki read for a while before he fall asleep on the couch, Pepper put a blanket on him wishing him sweet dreams then she went to her room, she has a lot of work and papers needs to be done by morning, Phil went to sleep a while ago it has been mid night and she is still awake when she heard knocks on the door
“Come in” She said loud
"you still awake?" loki said in a sleepy voice
" Yes I've some work needed to be done "
"Oh…then I'll leave you finishing it"
"No, no I finished most of it the rest can wait" she said leaving the room "since you are awake let's make some snacks and watch a movie"
Loki nodded smiling at her but his smile was different it was broken like it was forced by him to hide something else, something sad.
He sat on the couch waiting for her looking distracting lost in his thoughts, his most darkest nightmares, he couldn't help it, stop thinking of it, it controlled his life for so long, it is not easy to get rid of it or even forget about it,he waited for her listening to some songs on his iPod when she sat next to him realising what he is thinking of
"Don't think of anything just enjoy the moment, pretend that you forget it , fool yourself if you have to" pepper said quietly looking at him in the eyes
"Yes, everyone has to fool themselves in some point of their life"
"But why? … why I have to?...I'm sick and tired of pretending that everything is ok…that I'm safe now and this nightmare is over…but this is another lie" Loki cried
"This lie has another name, do you know what is it? … Hope, the hope that everything will be fine one day, the hope that keep us alive day by day, this hope is our biggest lie, the only lie that is more true than anything else"
"But I don't want to do this anymore…living in a lie all my life, lying about everything, me saying that I'm ok that is a lie, saying that it is over that is a lie, thor saying…that I'm not a monster that is a lie …mother, Odin, you all saying you love me this a lie "
"why? Why it is a lie? Why can't it be the truth? You only have to believe it, no one of us is ok everyone suffers but we fight it today to have a good day tomorrow, no one is born a monster loki you choose to be one or not it is your own decision …and about love, you can never know if it is a lie or the truth you just know, love is something you can never deny you just feel it and then you just know" she said pleading him to believe taking the iPod from him as she realised he is ignoring her but instead of turning it off she played another song by accident
"You know nothing about me or what I've done So do not tell me I am no monster, cause I am one. First by blood, then by choice" loki shouted eyes widening from the song listening to its lyrics looking at his hands he can feel …this thing…this monster, trying to come out
The secret side of me I never let you see I keep it caged But I can't control it So stay away from me The beast is ugly I feel the rage And I just can't hold it ¶ Pepper could feel the cold around her, it controls him, and this stupid song too why he had to grow fond of songs, it only make it worse .. It's just beneath the skin I must confess that I feel like a monster I hate what I've become The nightmare's just begun this is his real problem …the conflict between his both sides everyone of them try to dominate, but the dark side is stronger it has more reasons to show up and take control
"show me your hands" she said quietly
"No, you must leave " loki parked
"You have to make me, because I'm not going anywhere, I must see it to prove to you one thing "
"When someone loves you and cares about you they don't care how you look like or what you are outside , the only thing matters is what inside, what lives in here" she said pointing at his heart "Your heart, your soul it what really matters do you understand"
"you won't understand it, no one will, I…I can't even look in the mirror afraid of what I'll see, this monster…this freak is what I am and nothing will change it" loki said and gasped in horror he couldn't control it, the cold is invading him, he can feel it …his eyes burns so much he closed it jerking back away from her
"Please leave me alone, I don't want you to see me like this" loki sobbed
"No loki, I'm not going anywhere, I wanna to see it" she said approaching him
"Why?" loki cried
"So I can prove to you that nothing of this matters at all" she shouted at him
She could feel the cold increasing around her , the blue started to spread on Loki’s body then forming these patterns it looked like symbols or ancient writing
"Now you see me" loki hissed looking at her with bloody red eyes , she gasped jerking back
"See…that what I was talking about…this look in your eyes…this look means that I'm a monster" loki hissed
"The…the look in my eyes doesn't mean this I looked to thor, Bruce, tony, everyone of them the same look” she said firmly, he just shook his head not believing her
“ it is not fear it is just surprised, and uhm I'm not a big fan of red eyes honestly" she giggled a little
"You aren't afraid?" loki said in shock
"Afraid of you?, give me a break you still the same for me" Phil said rubbing his eyes showing up behind them
"Phil” he yelped surprised
“The one who frightens the so called monster” he smirked
“See, it’s just in your head” Pepper said smiling and his body started to return to normal colour again
“You are not lying to me are you?” Loki said crushing on the sofa
“why would we?...Listen kid the last time I’ll say this monsters aren’t born they are made so it’s your choice to be one or not understood”
Loki nodded hugging him and Phil patted his shoulder
“I know which one should we watch, you will love it ,it's called frozen"
"Frozen ,yeah good choice" Phil smirked and laughed
Elsa was like him loki noticed this, she had this big powers and been forced to hide it and pretend to be normal like anyone else despite what this cost her, to live a lonely life because she was different and afraid to lose control on her powers and hurt someone, he was the same he always felt different , he knew that from day one, could his power led him to hurt thor , he also can't control it like her and this song it really sais what inside him towards Pepper, Phil and everyone ... and his powers too
for the first time in forever
I won't be alone
For the first time in forever
There'll be magic, there'll be fun
For the first time in forever
I could be noticed by someone
But for the first time in forever
At least I've got a chance
These words touched him deeply, cause finally he wasn't alone…he was noticed by someone for what he really is not for what he has or what he pretended to be…for the first in forever he has someone who he can called a friend
"Hey Elsa, don't try to do like her please I don't wanna it ending with snow covering everything" she scoffed
"Don't worry I'm not skilled like her " loki smirked
"You need to practice then"
Things became messy and Elsa screwed everything and loki was feeling down
"Great she is the bad one here too" loki frowned
"Are you sure?" Phil said
"obviously she screwed everything leaving her kingdom in a lasting winter"
"Never judge anything from what it appears remember"
"Fine, I'll wait and see"
He can't deny that he loved it when she rebelled leaving them, she felt her real powers for the first time and he could feel it too, it is a good feeling like no one can stop you from doing what you want at all
It's funny how some distance,
makes everything seem small.
And the fears that once controlled me, can't get to me at all
It's time to see what I can do,
to test the limits and break through.
No right, no wrong, no rules for me.
No one here to tell him what to do and not to do, no one here to tell him to shut up or disrespect him making him feel worthless, no more lies, no more jokes, no more worries or sorrows he was safe here
"thank you to be my Anna" he said gently
"Me Anna really …wow thanks loki but you know something I'm more like Kristoff cause I'll be here for you even if you don't wanna me to stay, I'll never leave you alone"
"And I'll be Your Olaf who will always be ready to help you” Phil smirked
Days passed quickly full of love and enjoying every moment of it, they have the chance to understand each other even more, have some fights and disagreement sometimes but things still calm and peaceful, they used to go to the park everyday enjoying the weather and have some time with daisy who became their best friend, she used to spend all the time playing with loki who was more childish than her meanwhile Pepper and Phil became friend with Kate daisy's mother
When they stay at home they spend their time reading , watching movies or even learning new cooking recipes ,
Loki also helped pepper with her work, he was good at it too so she can finish it faster and they have more free time
“You have been quiet today” Phil said gazing at Loki
“Shush, go away” Loki said without looking at him
“Huh!! Pepper he is acting weird again” he yelled
“Oh don’t worry he is just reading harry potter” Pepper said giggling “He is sitting like this for more than five hours now”
“whoa, I said you will like it”
“I wonder where would the hat sort you” pepper said
“you really don’t know?” Phil laughed
“Slytherin” Loki finally said something
“Aren’t they evil?” Pepper asked frowning
“What? Evil!!.. Just because some of them are loyal to voldemort doesn’t mean they all evil”
“Okay my Slytherin boy” Pepper said messing his hair
“You know who else? Tasha” Phil smirked
“I’m ravenclow for sure, so would be Tony”
“yeah, Clint Hufflepuff , and your brother?”
“Really need to ask? Gryffindor of course” Loki smirked
“Cap also Gryffindor” Phil said quickly
“she punched him, they will love each other won’t they” Loki whined
“Who punched who” Phil said perplexed
“You don’t mean malfoy and hermione do you” pepper asked
“Yes, you don’t act like this all the time unless you love them”
“Oh, believe me we know that very well” Phil smirked
“We have a darmione fan but she will still end up with ron” Pepper giggled
“Unbelievable, think you should be gryffindor if you want to end up with the one you love” Loki said pouting
“Oh, poor Slytherin”
“Shut up, let me finish it” he frowned
“Wanna some cocoa “ Pepper said
“Oh yes please”