Monster

The car that Tony got me seemed unusually small for Bucky. He wasn’t entirely tall. I mean, he was average height for a man. But he had broad shoulders and large arms and took up a lot more space than I had anticipated. In fact, I had imagined what Steve probably looked like in the car and that had brought a laugh out of me. I hadn’t thought about Bucky being in the car though.

“Okay, here’s the deal,” I told him as I drove onto the freeway. “When we got home, you’re going to take a shower, I’m going to show you how to wash your clothes, and you’re going to shave. If you want to. I don’t know if beards are your thing or not. But I think you look less conspicuous without it. But anyway, shower, cleanliness. Then we’re going to make dinner. I can’t really afford to order out and I’m not a chef so it’ll probably just be something out of my freezer or Hamburger Helper or something. Poor people food. But we’re going to eat it anyway and I’m going to call Steve and tell him you came back.”

“I don’t want him to know,” he said.

“Can I ask why?” I asked him.

“He makes me anxious. I’m more comfortable with you.” I nodded slowly.

“Okay, then I’ll wait to call Steve. But I want you to stay the night, okay? At least this once. You can leave in the morning after breakfast if you decide you don’t want to stick around. But I don’t know where you sleep at night. And I’m guessing it’s on the streets. And I really don’t like that idea, okay? I have a guest bedroom that has a futon. It’s probably not very comfortable but I’m guessing it’s better than sleeping on the ground.”

“I’ve never heard you talk so much.” I laughed.

“I’m just really glad that you came back and that you’re okay. I was really worried about you. I guess I’m just relieved. You can tell me to stop if I’m annoying you.”

“No. It’s fine. You have a nice voice.”

I took a deep breath and counted to four in my head. What if Steve and Sam were right? What if Bucky had attached himself to me and mistook it for romantic attraction? It wasn’t that Bucky wasn’t good looking. When he had his hair in a ponytail and the beard was gone he was very attractive. He had a really nice face and pretty eyes and a nice body. I mean, I’d never dated a guy with robotic limbs, but I wasn’t against the idea.

The problem wasn’t that at all. The problem was that there were too many problems. One being that I was supposed to be in a relationship with Steve. And the biggest, most obvious problem was that I was probably the first girl Bucky had even been around since the nineteen-forties. I was the first person since then to show him any real kindness and gentleness. And the largest problem was that Bucky was a broken man and had a lot of things to figure out and do before he could deal with something as huge and potentially harmful as a romantic relationship.

And another problem was that I, personally, was probably not emotionally stable enough for that either. Considering my last relationship ended when I’d put my knife to my boyfriend’s throat.

Also, the HYDRA thing.

“Um… right well. That’s the plan for tonight, okay? Does that sound good?” I asked.

“That sounds fine,” he replied.

We got back to my house a little while later and I parked the car on the curb out front. It felt weird having Bucky in the car and even weirder letting him in through the front door like a normal person. We climbed out of the car and he flipped the hood back over his head as I searched for my keys.

I unlocked the door and let him into the house. He immediately tensed as if he had to do a quick check to make sure the house was empty. Just like Steve always did. But he refrained as I led him up the stairs to the bathroom.

“What did you do with Steve’s clothes?” I asked him as I led him down the hall to the linen closet.

“I put them back,” he said.

“Oh. Okay. Well, I’ll go find you something to wear then. Here’s a towel and washrag. You already know where everything else is. You left your toothbrush.”

I stuck them in his arms and turned on the bathroom light for him. He passed me and I shut the door and left him alone. Then I returned to the kitchen to find something to make for dinner. I ended up sticking with the Hamburger Helper idea. It was all I had besides frozen chicken alfredo.

Bucky came back downstairs while I was waiting for our meal to simmer. I was sitting at the kitchen table looking over the electric bill I couldn’t pay. When I looked up I found him already standing in the archway.

“Jesus,” I said with a start. “You’ve got to stop sneaking up on me like that.”

“Sorry,” he replied.

“And you’re not… wearing a shirt.” I glued my eyes back to the bill and tried to keep them there.

“You didn’t bring me one.”

I tried to go back through my memories of collecting Steve’s clothes to see if I had made that decision on purpose or subconsciously. But I couldn’t remember.

“Sorry,” I said standing and keeping my eyes on the floor. “I’ll go get you one.”

“Does it bother you?” he asked when I reached him. I finally looked up at his cleaner, though still bearded face.

“No. Why would it bother me? It’s not like I’ve never seen a man’s chest before. I mean. Times have changed. I don’t know how they did things in the forties but…” He cleared his throat.

“I mean the arm.”

“Oh. Oh!”

I hadn’t even thought about that. I looked down at where his skin was fused to the metal. The scarring was pretty bad and it must have been a horrendous surgery. Despite HYDRA being the cause of so many terrible things, they had done a good job on it. I knew Stark would probably love to get his hands on it. But I reached out and touched his metal shoulder. Then I ran my hand down to where the metal met his skin and I knew for certain he could feel me.

“No, it doesn’t bother me,” I said looking back up at his eyes. “Does it hurt?”

“Sometimes,” he said.

I kept my hand on his skin and then a thought struck me. And I hated myself the moment it hit me. It was bad and it was wrong and there were so many different reasons for why it was bad and wrong. But the thought hit me anyway. I thought, maybe for just one second, that it wouldn’t be so bad loving Bucky.

And this was absurd, of course, because while the guy was handsome, he hardly ever spoke. We didn’t have a whole lot of conversations when he was around. He thought I was in love with Steve and the man didn’t even know himself. And as much as it pained me to say it, I hardly knew myself either. So I shoved the thought away as quickly as it had come. I reminded myself that it was stupid and it could never happen. Maybe it was loneliness and the fact that it was the first time in a long time that someone might have been attracted to me. Even if it wasn’t for the right reasons. So I removed my hand and turned toward the hallway.

“I’ll be right back,” I told him.

“Okay,” he replied.

Notes

Chapter 22: Jo gets nervous and chatty in the presence of hot guys with robotic limbs.

So I'm sorry for not updating last night. I had every intention of doing so but then I played Sims for several hours and when I looked at the clock it was really late and I had to go to bed.

Quick question. If I were to write a sequel for this story, would any of you mind if it was written in 3rd person? Because I've been brainstorming a whole heck of a lot and I realized if I actually do write these ideas out, they might be better written in 3rd person. However, I don't want to change things up on you guys like that. I know that can be irritating. Especially if you're comfortable reading a certain way. But since majority of the story will be told from Jo's standpoint I can still very well make it a 1st person perspective. But certain things will have to be left out and/or written differently. I just realized it would not only be easier to be in 3rd person, but might be BETTER/more awesome. But I wanted to run that by you guys before I made the choice. It could still change. I just wanted to make sure first.

So anyway, let me know if you can or care. Otherwise I'm just going to do whatever.